I am small lone loser. I hate all my 21 years of my life. I have never had friends and family. I lost my job and got fired for being an outcast to my fellow employees and boss eventhough i am a hard worker and make most of the revenue in our company. I always been taking prescrition anxiety pills and been drinking lot of alcohol and doing lot of crystal meth which i get from dealers that live near my apartment stairs. I live in my dad's apartment. My dad cries every night of the death of my mother when i was born. and blames me for her death. My dad throws empty bottles at me when i come home. I go to my room and cry. i cry all day and this is my life every day of the week and my lone time is to go on my dial up online and play runescape and be in my imaginary world of dungeans and dragons and feel free of this real world of mine. When i was little like 9 years old kids in my school bullied me and when i went to juvie for robbing a convinent store with plastic knife.. i got raped by a mexican boy who was 17 and put a pipe in my little 13 year old anus... plus it broke my hip bone... so rest of my life i became limped and had a cane to walk with.... i look in the mirror and think about is it my fault that i killed my mother and deserve this life i have now?.... | |
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What a life?!! I can't believe it, but if it's true, I am so, so, sad for your state of affairs. I walk with a limp/gimp since I severely fractured my ankle last year. Living with pain, no one understands until it happens to them. So, like the poster above mentioned, you are not to blame for your mother's death. Absolutely not! Your father, rather than embrace what he had left, decided to place the blame and hurt on you. That is not fair. And is emotionally abusive. You're only 19! You have your own apartment? That's wonderful! What you gotta do now is quit the drugs. If you're on prescription meds, combining them with alcohol and meth, well, it's like they cancel each other out. The meds can't do their job because the alcohol is making you depressed and the meth is making you high. So you're like a YO-YO. Up and down. Up and down. Can you stop doing them on your own? Do you need help quitting? Trust me kid- your life will get soooooo much better if you cut those two things out!
Your past is part of your problem. Having all those horrible things happen to you is severely affecting your self-esteem and confidence. Is there anyone you can talk with- other than us? Talking helps.
Well, on the bright side- you've got your own place, you're a pro at D & D, and you're young. You're resillient at 19! Take advantage of that, and turn your life around!
We are all here rooting for you kid-
Good luck- YOU CAN make it happen!
Cursed
How dare you.
Its sickening how people will say shit like this over the internet but not to peoples faces. Its fucking cowardly.
you are young and don't take your dad's actions to heart. he seems like he is a depressed alcoholic. and he is not a good father. it is NOT your fault that your mom died. i am sure your mom would want you to be strong and continue on and loves you. have you tried going to school? apply for other jobs. maybe make friends with others who like to play dungeons and dragons. you can find groups on meetup.com. don't give up, sweety. you never know what tomorrow will bring.
if you ever need anyone to talk to, you can always email me nbaz123@hotmail.com. g-d bless you, little man.
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