Life is hard. Since I was born, all I have ever known was unimaginable misery and pain.
Okay, I'm center-stage. Time to explain a little about me.
You can call me "L". I am 18 and I live in London, England. I think shit started to hit the fan when I was around 6. My father had a lot of affairs whilst still with my mother, and in the end they divorced. My mother loved him with all her heart, and he took away everything- her desire to live, her shop, her hope and so on. When I was around 10-11, myself, my mother and my two brothers lived in a B&B. My father would literally beg for £5 so that she could buy us food, but my father would just give the phone to his (then) wife, and they would laugh at us. We were hungry.
Now, after settling in to various "homes", we have found a place. This place is a place where all hope and dreams are banished aside. The walls are crumbling, there's all these fucking mice living in our house, and all in all it looks like a tip. I have never brought ANY of my "friends" back to my house, simply to save the embarrassment.
At this time, my mother spawned another selfish brat. My mother drinks on a regular basis. All she does is drink, watch T.V, and claim money off the government.
Let's talk about friends and family now...
I have no "friends". Of course, I have people that I sometimes hang around with, get drunk with, do stupid fucking things with. But a friend is someone you can confide in- someone that would be there to offer there hand whenever you fell in some unearthly dark place. But no, they've all gone. They've fucked off to live their own fucking pretentious lives somewhere else. Seeya guys!
Now, I don't have what you would call a "family". I have explained enough about my mother, so let's continue with the other parent. He lives 150 miles away. I see him maybe once a month, when he can be bothered to get off his ass to see his kids. I do love you, but I will never love you the way a son loves his father. I'm sorry Da.
All of my other family are either dead or gone.
I have a twin brother. You'd think because we're twins, we have some "unbreakable bond", or a connection that brothers normally wouldn't have. I will tell you now- what a crock of shit. My brother is a selfish, ignorant and arrogant asshole who's only concern is to look as best as he can in front of his friends. When was the last time we sat down and talked? Or played Xbox together?
The only two people I know I can rely on are my step-brother and sister. Priya, I really do love you. I think you can see how fucked up I am, and I know you're trying to help. I want to thank you with all of my heart.
And Callum- my little 10 year old brother. He is the sweetest, most innocent prodigal child I have ever seen. I love you too lil' bro. Go kill those fucking Locust on Gears of War.
So, that's pretty much the basics. I have probably bored the fuck out of you, but simply, I don't give a fuck. Writing this has helped a little. I was on the edge today, and doing this has taken away some of my bad thoughts.
So that's it. If any of you are going through the same stuff as me, I will say this: As cliche as it sounds, don't give up. Life is easy. Life is hard. Life is full of death, despair, misery, loneliness, fucked up people are so on. But, ony YOU can change your fate. Not your mother, or your friends, or "God". It all all down to you. Don't bathe in your own pity waiting for a miracle to happen. Have some hope my friends, and one day everything will sort itself out. Things might not get better, but they'd certainly get easier. | |
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