all of this will seem like rambling on but im just typing what comes to my mind.
I'm a 20 almost 21 year old female. I've never had boyfriend and i look like a lesbian. i always wear jeans and a plain shirt because thats what fits me. i dont put on make up because that wont even help my appearance. people always judge me and shit. I've only had like 4 close friends in my life and only 1 has stuck but we don't live in the same city anymore and only talk like twice a month or so. i go to college and cant make any friends. yes I'm fat which is why I'm 100% sure that people will not be my friend. i talk to people when i have to like to lab partners but other than that, no one wants to talk to me. i just wish i could make one friend. i live with my sister and i know she hates me, she used to be fat too but she lost weight but either way she has always been a bitch to me. i know she is embarrassed to be seen with me. when she was going to have friends over she was like you're going to be in your room right? and when i have money and she needs to borrow money but i wont let her, she gets mad and will make a lesbian comment or something. it hurts a lot. i hate living, i just wish 2012 really was the end of the world so i wouldnt have to try anymore. the only reason i hang on is because if i tried to kill myself, i know it would devastate my mom and i can't stand the thought of her being sad. i try my best to make her proud.it sucks to be alone and the more i am alone, the more i start to hate hearing other people talking to each other and i hate other people's laughter. this doesnt make sense because i do want to make friends. i guess i just hate seeing other people happy. i cry almost everyday i would say only 5 times a week during a good week. listening to sad songs make me cry too. just being depressed has made me so damn sensitive to everything. i know some of you people are going to say that im just feeling sorry for myself but fuck is one friend too much to ask for? | |
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To be honest with you dude i was one of the very popular people back when i was at school, but i was nothing like what you'd expect from say a movie where the popular people are all assholes.
Don't worry yourself about what other people think about you, their opinion means nothing because only you know you. They just think what they see is everything to you mate, i learnt that lesson a few years ago.
getting a girlfriend doesn't mean anything, well acutally it means that you're attracted to them and they're attracted to you, that's it. You just haven't met the right person yet dude. and since you've not provided an age, is it safe to assume you're under 18 and possibly still in school or just left?
You're still young, and the world we live in is a vast place, there's plenty of fish in the sea! Join some clubs/communitys/forums where you can talk about subjects you're most interested in if you want to make friends.
Peace.
Did you not think that a guy might just find you very attractive? Sure there are assholes who just want to sleep with you and be done but you can tell the two types apart because the guy who just wants sex won't ever speak to you in a meaningful way, he won't hold your gaze as you lock eyes, he won't hold your hands and kiss you tenderly.
An attitude like that is what drives men away from you.
YAAAAAAAAAAAAY
I've been depressed, lonely and a whole other load of crap which makes me angry, sad and filled with hate all at the same time and i have no one i can talk to either.
So hey, if you fancy a chat you can e-mail me at depleted@hotmail.co.uk
Being fat doesn't effect the probability of your having friends. I'm kind of fat, with no fashion sense at all, and I have some friends. They're not deep friendships, but they are something. Maybe you should look for friends in different circles. Do you have a hobby?
btw, labs! a science person! go science!
Because of the lifetime of abuse that I recieved, as well as my drug abuse, I have so many regrets that I compleatly and utterly hate the person that I am even though the person that I am now is better than the person that I was before, its like I dont think that I deserve to have freands or a relationship, I dont even speak to my family anymore.........
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