Honestly, I am so fucking weird and I just cant even pretend to be normal anymore! its like from being isolated or smoking too much or something. I get all flustered and red and I cant talk to people at all, or its very uncomfortable-for me and the other person. My ex really helped me realize how other people percieve me, before I didnt really realize if I was being weird or being laughed at or if people hated me, I have always been shy... I dont know that I was ever actually different or less awkward, maybe. After we broke up it was really hard on me and I dropped out of college and I didnt see anyone for a while,like nobody except my W**D guy and my mom. Things are coming together now- life wise but I cant talk to anyone I make these weird laughing sounds and trail off into nowhere, man I am so fucking weird, so fucking weird!! when it gets bad...I just go red and hot and then get this...I start fucking crying...in public, or wherever! It feels so stupid, I look so stupid and it happens with everyone now, even people I know well and the big problem once this happens I am too embarassed to ever speak to the person again and I cut them off forever. I m becoming fearful of going outside or seeing anyone at all. I can suffer through it for sure, but now everything is just something I am suffering through, like anything,,, a bike ride or a picninc or coffee or the beach- nothing is fun and everything is scary. Worst is I'm really worried that Ill never be normal or never be able to hide that Im not.