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Fuck this

Posted by j at January 7, 2011
Tags: Abuse  Addictions  Alcohol  Anxiety  Drugs  Family  2011 January

Born with thc and meth in my system. Went home with alcoholic drug addicted parents. Was molested as a baby by dads meth head friend. Then molested repeatedly by many different men for drugs for the adults. Always on foodstamps, ssi and always lived in eighther section 8 housing or trailor park or homeless. At age 6 raped and couldn't speak for a year. My dad got black out drunk almost every night and beat my mom and me. Started using cocaine at 9 on an off. At 13 gang raped by 6 Latin kings and one of them raped me in the ass too. At 14 I was smoking crack everyday and I began to sell myself for more drugs and money. I was raped again by my band teacher, then again by a man named marcus who used to stalk me, he came in my window when I was sleeping, then again by a sex offender at age 17 multiple times while I was passed out. He got me pregnant and I got am abortion. All the while I was in and out of juve 4 times, and psychiatric hospitals,11 times. I finally got off all the hard drugs I was on after I had an abortion. I am now 18 and I'm in a relationship with a 15 year old, I am 4 months pregnant by him and I still smoke way too much weed, I quit school 3 years ago. I have no friends and no family that is sober. My boyfriends not old enough to get a job and he's not mature enough to be a father and I get a disability check for my social anxiety disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, mood related psychoses, and I can't work. I have soany symptoms of so many psychological disorders that I feel like I have them all. I often have visual and auditory hallucinations of demons talking to me and whispering. My mood swings are intense and out of control. I have panic attacks, and flashbacks, bulimia, I cut myself, dissociation, black outs, and personality changes. There is so much more detail and horrible events that I left out that I could write a fucking book.


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New Comment

By anonymous at 28,Jan,11 02:49

Wow! That's heavy! You have my sympathy. My life is less complicated. I'm 50 and done. I'm checking out!
By anonymous at 29,Jan,11 19:49

we are living on the edge god bless

By anonymous at 28,Jan,11 16:53

You should write a book. You poor thing I really hope things take a turn for the better. best of luck to you

By anonymous at 28,Jan,11 17:12

I think your amazing as you have had the guts to ask for this help there is nothing anyone can do to change whats happened to you i really feel for you but now you are pregnant and your not living for yourself anymore you have the chance to start a new life.Get off the weed i did when i was pregnant and i was a user like you think of the child you are having because this baby will not hurt you it will just love you and u need to think of the baby now it will be something for you to live for and protect you can do it just believe in yourself good luck xx

By anonymous at 28,Jan,11 21:04

What can you say to someones who's had all the shit life could throw at them, thrown at them
Well I'm am no guru or fucking psychiatrist, and should probably be the last person giving advice with all the mental flips and turns I take on a daily basis, I may feel like shit and then be as happy as a fuckin dandelion.
Obviously you've gone through some real shit in your life, all the confusion and bs takes it's toll. No one is made of steel everyone breaks at one point or another, but you, you seem as solid as a piece of state of the art bullet proof jacket I mean to keep pushing forward after all that takes guts and determination, I wholeheartedly admire you for the effete you've put into living, no matter what the gorilla at the zoo threw at you. You managed to live this long, theres no stopping you, you can seriously do anything you want too because there is no rock bottom, you've already been there. Get off smoking weed, only do it once a week not only those it feel better but you'll feel better too. And if you find that you function better without weed then drop it. Smoking can also add on to "mental problems" trust me. It's no longer a battle with life, but a battle with time. How long it takes you to reach watt u desire. U can only go up from here

By anonymous at 29,Jan,11 19:59

all you young people need to wake up and get off your fat ass off the sofa life is never going to be easy

By anonymous at 30,Jan,11 00:03

kill yourself
By anonymous at 03,Feb,11 21:40

This persons an asshole
By anonymous at 25,Oct,11 17:40 Fold Up

Fuck you, who feels it knows it.
By anonymous at 29,Nov,11 12:59 Fold Up

god forgive you if it is true

By anonymous at 30,Jan,11 02:59

Holy fucking shit and you want to/are going to have a kid? Man, this is the kind of shit that should be OUTLAWED. I KNOW you know how fucking horribly terrible that idea is - the idea of putting another, innocent life into this world that is starting off so totally fucked up. I know that's what happened to you . . . but think about it . . . If you had to do it again, would you WANT to be born into these circumstances?? I'm assuming the answer is "HELL fucking no." So why on Earth would you subject another life to the fucked up world you yourself are living in?? Fuck. I got three words for you. Abortion, abortion, a-fucking-bortion.

By anonymous at 30,Jan,11 21:38

I don't believe this story. I think this site is about people making up tales to try to shock the rest of us. If you truly are pregnant and doing all those drugs, abort the fetus - you will do that child no favors by bringing him into this world. Get into rehab and get sober, then go to a psych treatment program and get the help you need.
By anonymous at 31,Jan,11 00:46

I think you, sir (or maam) would be surprised at just how fucked up this world really and truly is. There are a LOT of fucked up people and stories and situations in this fucked up world. Not saying there AREN'T liars on here, but I'd bet a lot that a good portion of the stories on here are true and that some of the worst ones are NOT false.

This story does indeed seem pretty fucked up to say the least. Let's HOPE it's false. I have a feeling it's not, however. Why? Because the kind of shit this person's describing actually HAPPENS like every fucking day in this fucking world. Really.

Aborting the fetus is not as easy for many people as it would be for me or (apparently) you. Religion and stupid ritualistic practices in the world fuck up the human brain into thinking it's better to have a fucked up, crack head baby like this person has festering inside of them than to abort the thing.

Life sucks. Life sucks. That's why there are sites like this one.

By anonymous at 31,Jan,11 03:29

Is this for real???
By anonymous at 28,Dec,11 13:46

No shit sherlock..

By anonymous at 01,Feb,11 01:47

this will be the best choice of your life, say exactly this. " Jesus Christ please forgive me of my sins against you, I believe you died on the cross and rose from the dead three days later, I trust you as my lord and saviour", If you say that and mean it with your heart you will be born again the Lord's family which is the road to life, God will be your new father. You will be protected and reborn as a new person. Do it or suffer

By anonymous at 03,Feb,11 21:49

I know you've heard it before, but I apologize for this awful life you've lived thus far. Remember though, you are still in this world for something. I was raised a Christan, but I honestly don't believe in any religion. I have deemed myself an Agnostic. Enough about myself, you need to live this life for yourself. It's hard to turn it around, but you need to pull yourself out of this hole that the world has created for you. You are not dead, and still have atleast 10 years to go somewhere. This child will need you, so think about your little baby boy/girl and bust your ass to do everything you can. The world works like a giant game of poker: you can only play with the hand your given. Sadly, your cards are some of the shittest I've heard of. Just live this life for your self and for your baby, and hopefully you can create a life that you can be happy with. If there is a God, he does love you. Out of all honesty though, people look to religion as a source of hope to get through these hard times, when in reality, it's all self-guided all along. I hope I have not sent this message too late. I love you for your will to continue foreward, and I will hope that you make something of this shit hole you've been placed in.

By anonymous at 05,Feb,11 20:15

Go to an all-womens rehab facility that offers help with psych disorders. Have an abortion. Or give your baby up for adoption. Can you imagine that baby having the life you had. Fuck no. Stay in rehab for a year or more, have intense councelling to help you heal. You will always have those fucked up memories of what happened to you, but councelling can help you heal. You need to take yourself out of the sitution you are in and get the help you need. You are 18 now, you have control of your own destiny - you don't have to live a shitty life any more. Get help, you'll be so happy you did.

By anonymous at 08,Dec,11 18:35

You....should write a book! For someone whose brain should be mush you are remarkably gifted at remembering dates and events!

By anonymous at 11,Jan,12 19:38

dmn suck mah wrk ya!

By anonymous at 12,Jan,12 11:09

i have fuckn life too.

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Fuck this life you are beautiful

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