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Im ready to die.

Posted by anonymous at January 30, 2011
Tags: Drugs  Family  2011 January  Poverty

Well to start today is the one year anniversary of my sisters death from an overdose. I hadent talked to her for maybe 2 years because she was so bad on drugs that i didnt want to deal with it. I feel like i just want to kill myself so i can go be with her. The only person in the world i can trust is a teacher in my school who was there with me when i got the call about my sister. And even me and her are not as good as we used to be. i feel like im just getting on her nerves. I have about the laziest, meaniest, most irresponsible parents. My mom who i live with, spends all of the money she gets for me from child support on cigs, booze and going to the casino and gambling for her and my step dad who hates me. I have to save money from my grandparents and aunts and unlces that havent diowned me because of my mother so that i can but my own cloths and shoes. I did have a phone on my mothers plan but she lost soo much money at the casino last month she couldnt pay that bill or the cable bill or anything else for that matter, but thats all that got shut off so far. Basically my mother does not care what i do as long as i still live there so she can get money for me. I have not seen my dad in over a month because he is nothing but a drunk who does not care at all about me as long as he has money for booze. Im really depressed and i cant snap out of it, for over a year i have wanted to just kill myself but i do not want to spend eternity in hell. I dont know if i belive in god for sure but if he really turely is there then i will go to hell for killing myself and obviously it wont be better than this. I am 16 years old so i do have about a year and a half left till i can legally be away from one of my parents. I have no reason other than a place to live to stay around my mother or father. I would rather live in a small studio appartment by myself than live with either of my parents. Honestly where i live with my mother and her husband is a trashy trailor with dogs that shit and piss all over the house (other than my room cuz i keep my door shut and clean)and they are more important to my mom than me. I have about 50 cents left to my name because i had to put my last 5 dollars for gas in the car (because of course it was on E)so that i could go see my grandma and then when i got home my step dad took the car and when he got back he yelled at me because i didnt put enough gas in the car for him. Im so sick of this. I really cant even think of everything that is going wrong right now but i can just say that i cannot take anymore. I dont know how i can get any lower and the next thing that hits me is going to be the death of me i promis.


Similar Entries:
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I don't know why life sucks September 4, 2010
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just trying to vent March 5, 2011
This is why God made guns January 25, 2010

New Comment

By anonymous at 26,Feb,11 14:55

why u just wanna die?
i know its hard... but these problems makes u strong, stronger!
u will have a great future, just the only thing u need is waiting.
By anonymous at 05,Jan,12 20:16

i smoke crack um neglecting ah good women i dont care about any thing anymore i mean it i dont care about anything anymore i am going to hurt some body or some body is going to hurt me i dont know where else to turn i only hope god can forgive me

By anonymous at 21,Jul,11 02:56

Life sucks ,i agree i think im bout ready to die
Now I know itz not Gods will and he'll call you homewhen hes readyBut the Bullshit and problems IHAVE to go through is redicaulous and wit out my child been homewhen ready Idont think ill still be here now so tell my baby tamika m. Williams DaddyS loves her.

By anonymous at 06,Jan,12 01:25

so why cant i stop fuckin up my life and i fuck up da lives of people jnvovled wit me as mucth as i say i wanna die some times i wanna live but for real i feel like um cursed im da oldest of three and actualy i had a younger brother that did kill hisself 14 years ago for a long time i have been so mad at hjm but some times i under stand his pain i have another brother that is striving so hard to live his life he has several children and a few grand children so i guese um saying he has a family but i know he would miss me and be hurt just like i know he misses our youngest brother but some times i feel like ive used up my time i also have sum children who i lost who i lost to the system who i miss terribly who i have not seen in about almost 12 years i have 2 sons and a daughter and it seems so strange saying cuz its like i never had children at all although i faild my responsibilities it didnt help having a very vindictive childrens mother to ndeal with and her family and i hope to god any one connected with her sees this and is willing to challenge me on this lets get it crackin the pain i feel cant nobody touch it so fuck em all cus i tried to make peace with her with them and with my self and the only one that truly matters is my self i wish i could make peace wit my kids chyna robey and chioni yea dems my kids jnspite of all yall moyher fuckers tellin me to forget about em i hope dey aint forgot about me but for real i know they have i been fuckin up my life for a long time i have a problem and the problem is me but i still love my kids and i miss em.....soooo i said all that to say what. cuz where um at right now. is a very fuckd up space to be in and i think its gonna get even worse so maybe i will get my wish donna your a good women and um sorry. fred i love you mike i miss you ma ilove and miss you too

By Kids?Nike?Air?Jordan at 15,Aug,14 13:23

"As you go further and further.Fresh

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