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can anything get worst?

Posted by living dead at May 26, 2011
Tags: Abuse  Drugs  Family  2011 May

when I was in grade 6 or 7 my step brother (who is 4 or 5 years older then me) would come into my room almost every night and just do really horrible things to me. I would hit him and hurt him, but I was to afraid to scream because I thought I would get in trouble or something.... i donno? all I can say was I was 2 afraid to sleep at night because the computer room was on the other side of the wall by my bed. and everytime he'd leave the room I'd act like i was asleep under the blankets.... a few times he had kicked my younger brother out ofhis room in the day time if no one was home. But my younger brother was only 3 or 4 so he didnt realize y I didnt want him to leave.....
That all stopped eventualy but I can not forgive my stepbrother still and I can not talk to him.
In grade 9 me and my brothers were all taken away because my step mom and my dad were heavy crack addicts. (once I walked in to find dad unconscious and my step mom asleep in the car ) and I didnt see my brothers for a while until the 2 of them came back from rehab .

So Grade 10 I started smoking weed.... one day dad was snooping around my room and finds my weed and smokes. He comes out Freaking out at me So I flipped out right back at him. and left the next morning I am on plane to live with mom...

Were i moved to was a Very small community with only 500 people there. So drugs and drinking became my "thing". I only smoked weed 24 7 and did a couple of pills. not many. But anyways . I grew very distant from my step dad and he began disliking me. And I do not blame him. I would come home stoned or drunk. And he would go to punch me and punch the wall. He didnt work and he was very lazy while mom working in that community. After a year he became very violent. I had stoped doing drugs but i drank every weekend. a year went by and he had thrown me out of the house 3 times and I had to live with my boyfriend. he became emotionaly abusive even to mom and my little brothers and life was hell. I could not be in the same room with that guy with out us about to slit each others troughts...
so Grade 11 we go back to our old community but I go to live with Dad again. a week later my boyfriend moves up and dad kicks me out because he finds out my bf is around. A few months later I get sexually assaulted while I was walking home at night. I called the police and they told me I was lying....

So I live with my bf for a yr and get pregnant.

Since I got pregnant i have not drank or done anything bad. My family hadn't talked to me in a yr and I almost quit grade 12. I decide to move back to the small community before mom found out I was pregnant. and when she did she basically went crazy. I graduated and had my beautiful girl and moved back again! She was 9 weeks old when Dad called CYFS saying i did drugs and my bf was a drinker. so they removed the only joy in my life. I also had postpardem depression but i was taking medication for it. I am in college now. Dad has my girl and i miss her so much. CYFS is making my life a living hell, so i took all my fustrations out on my bf. Dad called in to cyfs saying we are always fighting and saying everything he can to make me not get my baby girl back.
I found out that sex would take my mind of things so I became what people call a mayjor slut. I told my ex to move back in with me and he found out about all the people i had sex with while he was gone for a month.
I am trying to get my life normal but it feels like i've done way 2 much 2 fix it.... i need to talk to someone but i can
Life is just so confusing... as soon as I deal with one thing another problem comes up. I can't take all this b.s. anymore. I want a easy way out. I have no family that love me. They have all turned their backs on me. And the only good thing I have in life has been taken away from me... What ever. Really thinking about ending it but I need one Really good reason not to!


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New Comment

By anonymous at 11,Jun,11 11:01

You already have a good reason not to- your child. Eventhough you don't have your daughter right now if you get your shit together and prove to the courts that you can raise your child properly, you can get her back. The fact that the courts gave your dad, who is a former crack addict who lost his own kids, custody of your daughter just shows how fucked up you must be. You can turn things around though. Dump the idiot boyfriend who is holding you back, get a job, get a place that you can show the courts is a safe environment for the baby. Go to rehab & regular AA meetings... and once all that is done get a good lawyer and get your baby back.

By anonymous at 11,Jun,11 11:31

You sound like a juvenile deliquent. Pull yourself together before you miss the best part of your babies life, when they are little and cute.

By anonymous at 13,Jun,11 08:31

I think you should try and make an appointment with a pyschologist to discuss these issues.

You have a lot to work through and it will be painfully hard to do.

But your life is worthwhile for yourself and your daughter.

God Bless and please get some professional help.

By anonymous at 17,Jun,11 19:49

.... You know what you should do? (and I really mean this) you should call Steve Wilkos. Have you ever heard of him? He's on pix11 (I know Iknow it just seems stupid because its on tv) and he helps people get there life back together and it really changes peoples lives. You should go call him an ask to be on hes show.

By anonymous at 04,Aug,11 14:25


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