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A life of suffering

Posted by Michael at October 11, 2011
Tags: 2011 October  Religion

I have served God for a decade. 10 years ago I tried to take my own life in my car. Influenced by drugs and alcohol, I was going to kill myself. I was a devout atheist; but, our of utter desperation I threw up a prayer asking Jesus to save me. I didn't expect Him too; but, He did. The car refused to start and my life was drastically changed forever. For the past 10 years I've followed Him as the Lord, Savior, and leader of my life. He helped me clean up my act and get my Bachelor's degree. I took my LSAT and was accepted into law school; but, felt called to serve Him in pastoral ministry instead. I took a volunteer position as a Pastor at our local Church (served there for 2 years) and went back to school getting my Master's Degree in Theology from a prestigious and accredited theological institution. I ministered at our local jail and did volunteer work with Habitat for Humanity. I even started my own ministry and share the Gospel from town to town, handing out Free Bibles, and sharing the message of God's love. I don't get paid. I have no money. I have thousands of dollars in student loan debt with no real way of paying that money back. I have no "Real Job," although I have been looking with the utmost intensity (it's tougher than most would like to admit out there). Society thinks I am a loser and a waste. Oftentimes I am laughed at and mocked. They look at my resume and ask, "So what have you been doing the last several years?" I've lost most of my family and friends since becoming a Christian. I do have some close family; but, still often feel alone and trapped as if no one could possibly understand the intensity of my emotional burdens. Sometimes I wonder whether I should have taken my life all those years ago. As a Christian I go through significant pain and emotional turmoil. The world is pulling at me daily getting me to believe that my life is meaningless, that my God doesn't care, that He probably doesn't exist and that if He does exist, He hates me. The truth is, Jesus never promised anyone an easy life. You won't find it in all of Scripture. He said, "Pick up your cross and follow me daily." This implies a life of where we will have trials and tribulations. Afterall, if He is our Savior and we emulate Him, then we won't find the satisfaction we are longing for in this world. Jesus said, "If they hated me first, they will also hate you." As Christians, we won't find real true genuine acceptance in this world because this isn't our home. Our home is with Jesus. Those are just the facts. Does Jesus answer prayer? Everytime. He answers with: YES, NO, and MAYBE...LATER, ON MY TIME. I thought about my life recently and thought about how my life was out of control. It's not out of control. God is completely in control and as we read in the story of Joseph and his brothers, He uses bad situations for the benefit of the greater good. That can be hard for us to grasp because as sinful people, we often like to play God. We want things to go our way and when they don't we become uncomfortable. We need to remember that through all of this, God still reigns. He reigns through our sorrow, through our trials and tribulations, and through our deepest pain. He uses these experiences to mold us and to bring us closer to Him, solidifying and maturing our faith. We can all just give up...but where is the glory in that...where is the faith in that? This relationship we have with Christ: it's a labor of love. It's easy to praise God when things are going well; but, how much more glory can we give Him when we praise Him in the deepest, most violent and tragic storms of our life? A personal thought for each of you, Jesus promised that He would always be with us and that He would never forsake us or leave us. He demonstrated His love for us by dying on the cross. Jesus wept just like we do. He was tempted in everyway we were. He isn't a stranger to the suffering we endure. He isn't far away from us. He is up close, intimate, and deeply in love with us. He doesn't shy away from us when we endure hardships, He goes through it with us forever faithful and forever in love with us, His most precious creation. Remember always: He loves you. He loves you. He loves you.


Similar Entries:
Don't Give Up April 18, 2011
Suicide  September 27, 2010
What is the meaning of all this ? January 21, 2012
Figure this out!! September 13, 2011
Hopeless February 3, 2010

New Comment

By anonymous at 29,Nov,11 14:09

Sorry i don't comment on looooong posts,only on short post. Have a nice day
By anonymous at 14,Dec,11 05:29


By anonymous at 29,Nov,11 14:18

I dont even read them cause their to long.
By anonymous at 14,Dec,11 05:28


By anonymous at 29,Nov,11 17:41

The first two posters don't know what they are taling about. You have great writing skills and should become a writer. It will pass the time, and you might even be able to get something published. I understand what you are stating about it being a tough world out there. It is since everything on Earth that is worldly is run by Lucifer.

By anonymous at 29,Nov,11 22:40

In some ways i admire your outlook, and your dedication to helping others, but i think its unwise to be blinded by religion. It really has caused more problems in the world than good. (im sure you could argue that with me.) I must confess to losing my own faith a few years ago when i prayed for some help cause i wanted to kill myself, i still do all these years later, and in that time have seen terrible things happen to great people (horrible illness. death etc) and great things happen to terrible people. I know some will argue that it will all balance out, as in karma or the afterlife etc, but what do we have to go by?
Would we really want to believe in a vindictive god who allows terrible things to happen and then punishes people for eternity? We have reached a point as humans i think that we can leave all that nonsense behind us, church for example. Dont get me started. All those priests and nuns for examples, are they great people? NO! All we should do is take some of the values that religion has taught us, kindness to others etc.

By the way, just out of curiosity (Im not trying to be offensive im struggling to find work and a purpose myself),how do you manage to get by without a real job as you put it?

By anonymous at 29,Nov,11 23:48

how needs a useless god, with he's unability to do anything for anyone.
By anonymous at 30,Oct,14 16:42

And you with your inability to speak English. Go take a literacy class, idiot.

By at 06,Dec,11 01:31

Read Swedenborg, all other religious dogma falls away after you find the ultimate truth.

By anonymous at 14,Dec,11 05:28

god isnt real, just saying.
By anonymous at 30,Oct,14 16:43

Except for the fact that God is real.

By at 14,Dec,11 05:29

your post is boring:)

By Michael at 19,Dec,11 02:31

My name is Michael too. I relate to this... is there a way to contact the poster?

By anonymous at 23,Dec,11 15:33

Thank you for this,

By at 05,Jan,12 06:28

Just a simple tip.

When you guys pray to God....BE sounds even more insane i know. But when god DOES answer your prayers, the more specific you are, the less doupt you will have that he answered your prayers.

IT works it works it works.

Praise God!!!

By anonymous at 08,Jan,12 08:02

All these fucking idiots on here, your post is boring, or to long, then dont fucking comment you half wits, why do you bother? Seriously, life sucks, but you must not have a life if you comment on something you havent even read!

By anonymous at 20,Jan,12 03:44

LMFAO You are an idiot for believing in myths.
By anonymous at 30,Oct,14 16:44

Prove that it's a myth.


Yeah, didn't think you could. Nice try, wise guy.

By anonymous at 28,Jan,12 16:05

it is jan 30 2012 now, and i don't know if you will read this or not.
my friend, it seems you are forgetting your first needs in life and putting a large load on yourself. remember that after all, god has sent us to this world, and this worls has it's rules. if you don't have a job or don't care about yourself you will probably fail. and then you will be upset with god why he didn't help you in life. but it is upon you. if you don't solve your problems you can't solve others'. you say you don't have any money. GOD doesn't like that. don't forget that you are a human and GOD himself has created you as you are now. so if you need money, find a job and make money. there is nothing wrong with it. if you are rich you can help more people.

By anonymous at 20,Feb,12 06:03

you should watch
The arrivals

By anonymous at 21,Feb,12 16:06

You poor soul. You are so deluded, but its not your fault. Too many of us have been brainwashed with this god nonsense.

Its just simply not true. "God" has never "said" anything, because he does not exist.

Man made him up. I wonder when we will finally get rid of religion altogether? It really is about time.

“Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.” ~ Ambrose Bierce
By anonymous at 30,Oct,14 16:48

Ambrose Bierce? Yeah, you can trust the word of a tasteless satirist for sure.

Man made up God? Oh, then I'm sure man just made up the Earth and space and the rest of the Universe, because we know GOD sure didn't!


By anonymous at 02,Apr,12 19:35

Thank you for helping me make sense of these trials and for your encouragement.

By anonymous at 17,Apr,12 17:10

Be blessed brother! Keep praying for your job and then act on it - look everywhere. I am a Christian looking for job as well :-) We have to trust our Lord. He is good all the time :-) Jesus LOVES YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!! Dont ever forget it :-)

By great job michael at 11,Aug,12 19:43

For your story, you honor God my friend. Thank you for sharing. You endure & overcome to be used for HIS plan/purposes. Thank you for touching lives, you good & faithful servant. The Lord showed me a while back, there's no greater love for when a brother gives his life for another. When you share, study not just for self but for others as well you are sharing that same love. God smiles upon you. Allen

By anonymous at 01,Sep,12 23:42

And my final comment to all you dirtbags who harassed me is FUCK YOU ASSHOLES.

By anonymous at 15,Sep,12 09:41

Friend, consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds, knowing the testing of your faith develop perserverance, and perseverance must finish its work so you may be mature and complete not lacking anything.

You have a real faith in God. Hang in there.

And you need to find a good church, you need genuine people to care & encourage you.

Let the fellowship strengthens you, don't walk alone, God bless!

By anonymous at 27,Oct,12 00:25

God exists but its a deficient God. An absentee landlord describes this God.
By anonymous at 30,Oct,14 16:50

No, not really. You just don't fully understand Him. You will eventually.

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