(Sorry 'bout the English - it's not my native language)
I'm normally not a whiney person. And I'm really good at lying. But I'll do my best to tell the truth about me.
I always feel so incredibly lonely. Usally I'm good at ignoring it by consuming myself in work. But sometims, like during the late night or when I'm walking to the store I feel this stab of lonlyness right under my ribs. Sometimes I have a hard time breathing during the "stab", but it doesn't last long, just a few seconds.
I'm an 18-year-old girl. I'm not dumb. I'm actually considered to be rather smart. I only have topgrades. But, here's the thing, I'm never happy.
I'm definitely not ugly, I'm always helping others and I am funny. But, I've never had sex, never had a boyfriend or even kissed a boy. I know, i know, this makes me somewhat of a freak....
Continuing, I don't have any real friends. It seems like I'm not able to keep a friend for more than a year or so. After (and often, during) this time my "friends" always start acting jealous, spreading rumors, giving me sneers and talking shit about me behind my back. After these months, I'm always treated like a outsider. Sure, I'm called to their parties, but mostly to amuse them.
And my family is lovingless. My parents hate each other. They only married 'cause they felt like "it was time"..... They've never actually kissed each other (if you don't count on their weddingday). My brothers are also attracitive, like I am. But for some reason, unlike me, their opposite gender never seem to stop throwing themselves at them.
So that leaves me alone. I don't know what to do. Life seems so pointless. The only thing that keeps me running, is this game I play by myself, in which I play that I have to get the highest grade in order to survive.
Gosh I'm such a mentalfreak. I think I hate myself even more now, after writing all of this.
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I just read your post and everything you are saying, even your story, is exactly like mine.
Every friend that I ever had had stabbed me in the back because their love interest would lean to me or something like that, without my advances, or I just simply find that I don't have much in common with them as I thought I did.
I'm not saying I'm superior to anyone, but I just don't have patience for the people in this world, they seem very slow and unresponsive.
I am very nice, pretty, and funny, like you, and it is funny because everyone thinks that I have a bunch of friends and my life is awesome, but my smile is only for them and on the outside, when I'm alone I'm depressed with the tediousness of life.
I just want to find a person who has similar problems, so that we can live in seclusion, because I find there is no point to persue devoloping relationships with people in this fickle world.
P.S You are not a mentalfreak, everyone else is!
Thanks for listening :)
then what happened was that they didn't accept me though. i was yet the ignored inferior person. i don't know it's something in you. if you even try to be just like them, and do everything they want, nothing will happen.
and you absoloutly are not a mentalfreak.i say not having sex and shit with boys is good. studies has shown those who wait until marriage have a more happy life.
and i suggest you read about great people's lives.
it helps you find out how to deal with problems the way succesful people do.
Anyways, keep your head up, count your blessings, look at things as cup half full, not half empty. If you want to talk further hit me up at kev2077300@maricopa.edu
Take Care
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