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I have some kind of social disorder

Posted by ThesmartLoner at February 9, 2012
Tags: 2012 February  Loneliness  Sociopathy

This is first time I am sharing with anyone how I feel. Throughout my I have always felt depressed and lonely. I don't know why and when this happened. I can't ever remember having true friends and its been 18 years. Somehow, all the people I end up trusting , end up leaving me and humiliating me. This has happened with almost 4 times with people I used to call my "best friends". To top it all off, though I do having generally loving and caring parents, my mom struggled through depression for a few years and even tried to commit suicide and had to be hospitalized. Also , sometimes my dad goes in a angry rage and beats my mom and goes into a rage against us.

I have almost no confidence, no friends due to being in boarding school and for years being bullied and tormented by everyone around me. My looks(I am tall,dark and very skinny; which is very bad if your are asian) have always been a constant thing that people have fun of me to a point where in the last years of school I have had constant thoughts of suicide and I used to cry every night.

The only thing I have to support myself and take pride in, is that I make good grades and am I extremely good grades. I have almost perfect GPAs, yet for some reason, I have ended up in the same uni as the kids who made fun of me in high school. Even the new "friends" I made in college are making fun of me and generally try to avoid me and tell me how it is so much better without me. Even my roommate with whom I thought I had always a very nice relationship is constantly bitching about how he is going to move out and be so much better off without me. I have always been nice to him, never got in his way and helped him in out whenever he needed it. I just don't understand why everyone I make contact end up hating me and then in turn humiliating me.

Though I am grateful for the things I do have, I suffer from constant and at times severe depression.


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