i am a very shy guy.
i m tired of life i know that,but i love my family and my parents so much that i cant dare of committing suicide.i m 27 m and never had a life.i faced racism in my small age in hostel; i was away from my family. what i learn t in school is still unknown.rather than that of syllabus of classroom i learnt being "how it feels to get bullied by everyone"."i love u mum.why do u love me so much that i m scared of what would happen to u if anything happens to me?". i learn t abt sex by watching some porn movies and the first mistake i did was being addicted to sex and women.though i m virgin but in my bladdy imagination only few are exceptions.i some how passed my high school.my parents were so concened abt me and teached me life,,i some how with my frens help started taking drugs,,i was on to drugs for 5 years almost.i was an engineering student but i quit studies.so my every door is closed,, all i want to make money to do sth for myself n family but i have nothing.my frens say me i m so good,honest and forgiving,,. i m stuck in between religion and materialism. dont have hope of getting life better but the lottery.i want to be with my parents ,, stay with them and make them laugh,i cant do any thing,,this burden of responsibility is killing me.my life is hell and sometimes i stay hungry only with dreams for 2 days,,and now a days i drink beer to get myself a sound sleep.i dont beleive god and dont wanna pray.i dont wanna pray,,. | |