Okay I know everyone that is reading my story is probly like "oh hey just do something" I wish I could, pftt as if. I want to become a anime artist but Im to embaressed that no one will ecept me for whome I am. An insecure, Shit -talking girl. Im 14 about to be 15 in february 5th. These 14 years I've lived on this evil ass earth has been nothing but fear,torture,insecurities. fearing of my past. & way too many broken promises. I started to feel insecure when i was about 5 years old probaly 4 dunno, but I got baby-sat when my mom use to work and this one time my baby sitter mixed me up in the wrong class I cryed like a dummy a scared dummy and The mixed up class became my official class, Ugly ass lil bitch ass kids called me "ugly, crybaby" and hey that shit really hurt. I started going home and examing my face in the mirror to see what was so ugly about me that people saw where I couldnt see and it finally hit me I WAS ugly I felt like ugly duckling. I felt like I had no meaning in my life when I stood on the toilet boil, bounceing onto the bathroom sink leaning onto the mirror; I felt like shit. I mean my VERY first best friend even hated my guts; when my mom use to show me and my baby bro off to people they use to say "ohhh you got some beautiful kids" and I would shy up and my bro would just look lost *since at the time he was like 1 or 8 months or something* but now I know everybody says that to a child ugly or cute. Looking at me you wouldnt tell that I like anime, wanna draw, learn japanese, become a model and all that good stuff. At 7 I descovered porno; Aint know what it was but I just kept looking at it *it was on them OLDSCHOOL cablevision boxes i think channel 59 or 57*. At the age of 8 through 11 I was the tomboy that no boy ever liked ecxept for the ugly boys imean,I sagged my pants wore big shirts and pants, hats that covered my face so no one can see me since i felt invisble.Boys called me a man,ugly,tomboy. But I kept running back to them since they was really the only friends I had, the girls I was friends with was all pretty had the best clothes and everything *my mom lost her job once 911 had hit*.
But I had girls scared of me up until 5th grade and through all them grades I aint not once had a fight with another gurl but I also not once got hit by a boy. Once I hit middle school My oh-so perfect fucked up tomboy-life that i tryed so hard to make my self look like a boy so i can be a replacement older brother and a better son towards my father was going up side down. 5th Grade before I hit six; I met my future 2nd best friend which I REALLY never got to know or notice her but she had attitude and i aint like her. Sixth Grade I tryed to come in there with my tomboy look and Almost got jumped by a group of girls that thought i was a lesbian. That tomboy/tuff-guy looked turned into a bigfat softcore shy timid girl that let people step all over her. I met my first crush in there 2 but he was a rapper and a year older then me; I felt like i needed to change my look *girly girl* since I never kissed a boy before, never went to any parties since my mom was so overprotective and my dad; I always had to lie to him saying i dont like boys they gross, and I dont want a boyfriend. when truth be told-I wanted a boyfriend I mean I promised my self that I would say Im gorgeous once a really really sexxy boy say Im pretty.
Girls bullied me. They called me a fuckin momo since my name started with M-O | |
Also, I'm sure you're a perfectly pretty person and you really shouldn't worry about wanting a boyfriend or getting pretty clothes or whatever. You're still young so there's plenty of time
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