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Ugh....My stupid life

Posted by marigurl at April 19, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Childhood  Life Story

My aunt & uncle adopted me when I was born because the real Parent's couldn't afford another child.
I'm the baby in my family & I was spoilt. Caught my Mother cheating on my Dad with randoms & my friends Dad who was married numerous times at 6 years old & even though she knew I was hurt because of it she continued & told me to mind my own business. At age 7 she left my Dad for my Step Dad & even though he was a good man I hated his guts just because I was hurt. My brother died when I was 8 & my Dad died when I was 10.
I grew up hating my My Mum & step Dad because of the separation & I rebelled when I hit my teens. Drank, smoked, did weed every day, hooked up with anyone & the silly thing is this was my way to pay her back for the hurt I had been carrying since 6 years old. I got worse so she packed my bags & sent me to my birth fathers house. I had always gone there most holidays & some weekends & I couldn't stand it. His way or the belt & that was it. All his kids could shit on me & I couldn't touch them & they were around the same age. Couldn't go anywhere at all, only to School & netball on Saturdays. After 2 months I ran away for 2 weeks robbing houses & causing havoc. The police found me & I was given 2 choices at a meeting,
Go back to him or go to Child Welfare - I choosed Child welfare.
In the end my Mum found out & got me back & we moved from the Country to the City.
Fell in love at 15, Mum & Step Dad done everything to keep my boyfriend & I apart until 1 night she told me her & I were going back to our Home town for Seasonal work but she will be leaving me there to live (she owned our home in my hometown).
As soon as she told me I left the lounge, snuck out the door & stayed at a friends house for a few nights then moved in with my boyfriend & his family.
Mum gave up after that, she said I'm willing to go to great lengths to be with him & that she just didn't want to lose me.
Finally, at age 17 I started getting along with my family. My relationship with my Step dad & Mum was good. Then my Step dad died of cancer when I was 18. Can't let go of all the guilt of how bad I treated him when really he was the best Dad anyone could have. Always there for me even if he beat me it was for a good reason. Age 20, working & paying my own way. Had a good job, good set of friends, good relationship with my family & still with the same boyfriend from 15. Find out he cheated on me twice was all I knew. That fucked me up. Rebelled again. Fought him a lot. Drank, done drugs, partied & went clubbing a lot! Sometimes I would come home 5am, sometimes I wouldn't come home until the next day. Was over paranoid about us working different shifts, thinking he was cheating on me again, so I ended up chucking in the job I enjoyed just so I could keep an eye on him. And at the same time I cheated on him numerously with flings & seeing this one guy for many months. After that I lost motivation to make a life for myself. Im now 26. No job, no motivation, tonnes of regrets & too much negativity. I look at my life & think what the fuck! Fuck my life !


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By anonymous at 19,Apr,12 09:18

I think you've had a hard time - yes, but you are only 26 and you are clearly clever enough to get a job, sort yourself out and meet some decent people. Some things in life are out of your control, but some things aren't. Learn to let go of the ones that you aren't able to control and try to make yourself happy. Good luck and don't be bitter - you have an opportunity to learn from your mistakes and make something good come out of your life. Not many people have that opportunity so don't waste it!

By anonymous at 19,Apr,12 09:25

Don't let your past define your future. Tomorrow is a blank canvas. What kind of person do you want to be tomorrow? What kind of day do you want it to be?
By anonymous at 19,Apr,12 14:58

Good Advice!

By anonymous at 19,Apr,12 13:27

I've known people who have had hard times, I went through almost the same as you. I know it's hard and there's less you can do to solve your problems. But, the only advice I can give you is to let life play out and everything will sometime or the other end up reasonably well. I know that you lack the incentive to work anymore but you have so much more life to go for, remember the number of people you can meet after starting a new job. You will definitely meet someone better than that cunt boyfriend of yours. You're a beautiful person,please have friends who understand that.

By Cursed at 19,Apr,12 17:49

Dear MariGurl-
You can't change the past- Plain and simple. What is done is done. What you can do- is change your future! Sweetie, we ALL have regrets. But what can you do? Wallow in self-pity until someone says that you're forgiven? Probably won't happen. But, you do have the ability and the power to change your circumstances now! Whatever work you can find, find it. Do not back yourself into a corner with no options. You know in your heart that your boyfriend hasn't been true, but neither have you-
Talk to him. Tell him your fears and hopefully, since you've been together for so long, the two of you can move forward and get over the "cheating" issues. Love is hard to find. It takes work to be in a relationship. And as you have experienced, it's not a bowl of cherries all the time! But unless you can let your fears go- they will fester and eat you alive...
You're young honey- start working towards a better future... It will happen, if you put forth the effort and are true to yourself:)
Be strong:)

By anonymous at 20,Apr,12 05:02

Sorry to hear off your hardships. Life can get tough but have hope. Your still young and as long as your breathing you can still improve things. If you give your life to Jesus he will give you life. He will change your mind, your life, everthing.

God uses hurt and broken people in great ways. Heres a illustration: A potter will take a helpless, lifeless lump of clay and then knead it and squeeze it until it's soft and pliable. And then when he gets it just right, he takes that piece of clay and he does something called throwing, where he places the clay on a spinning table.
As that clay is placed upon that turning wheel, the potter's hands then begin to pressure the clay and work it until he makes something beautiful out of that old ugly piece of clay.

Do a youtube search for "i am second" for some great testimonies of Gods powerful impact in people's lives.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Mathew 11:28

Jesus will provide for you if your willing to put your trust in him. “And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” – Phil 4:19
‘Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10

Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. 1 Peter 5:7 (AMP)
The Lord is good, a Strength and Stronghold in the day of trouble; He knows (recognizes, has knowledge of, and understands) those who take refuge and trust in Him. Nahum 1:7 (AMP)

He loves you, so much so that he died on the cross for you. Ask for forgiveness of your sin and he will wash away all your sins. He will comfort you in times of distress, he will provide for you, most important, he will give you eternal life in heaven. No matter how good or bad things get on earth, it will only last a lifetime, when the years of your life are over, do you know what will come next? Heaven or hell? The only way to Life is through Jesus, he provided the only way when he died on the cross for our sin.

Take him at his word, find out for yourself whether what he says is true.

God bless.

By anonymous at 20,Apr,12 15:56

Holy Shit... You're mom's a bitch!!!!

By at 21,Apr,12 22:25

You are a mess. Go to Nevada, become a hooker, it is legal there. You will be doing something. Sounds like you have plenty of experience. Being a cheating whore. Good luck.
By anonymous at 22,Apr,12 05:52

Let's see how you would cope if you grew up in my shoes. You would beg for your own life back!

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