| | Posted by anonymous at April 20, 2012 |
In 2004 My me(7),mum,big sister (10) moved to England from Africa,leaving behind my dad ,little brother (4) and little sister (2) behind.In that same year around Christmas my mum gets told that my sister and brother are hospitalized because of a crazy fire at my grandmothers house.I never really cried because I hadn't understood the situation much.
My mum immediately left to Africa,leaving me and my big sis waiting for answers.I was then told my sister had died and my brother was left with severe scars on this head and hands.He and my mum left to England,My dad stayed to work.But due to curiosity I came across a picture of my deceased little sister fighting for her life in hospital with her stomach opened up.I had nightmares.
I 2005-2008 I lived an awesome life I even found my fated best friend.Things couldn't get any better..until mum started threatening me that she'd make me move back to Africa if I didn't do this and that.I for one honestly am not scared of threats but Africa I hate! Africa!! My mum knows too.She doesn't know Im scared of the place now everything about that place scares me especially the country I lived in..Botswana I hate that place.We went there to visit every holiday and mum would kid about telling me I'd stay there for-ever.I never like visiting.
When I got into high school my mum started beating me with a belt,stick,shoe anything that hurts.I'm so used to it the pain..I don't feel it anymore.I wish I could die just t... |
| | Posted by anonymous at April 19, 2012 |
I'm Jamie. 18 year old faggot (literally) who takes out his Insecurity's at his friends. Good looking, good grades, and sociable up to the point that I hate people getting close to me. See my dad use to hit, and yell at my mum, sister, and me. I guess since she always left him then got back with him I never got to know anyone due to all the moving. Only close friends I have I'm sure just pitty me for my sister since she pretty much ignores me. I lost my friends because I would always joke about their sexuality (lots of friends that are girls) and now I'm alone again. Wasting my youth in my room sleeping all day. Worst part of being good looking is that guys only want to fuck, to them I'm just another hole. I'm pretty sure my "rancid" personality and small city will result in me giving up and working at some dead end job & ending up alone. My dads family pretty much hates me for sideing with my mum (she permanitly left him) and all her family is dead or hates the sight of me. I'm so damn insecure about my sexuality it rots me from the inside. I hate it and hate me. I keep wanting to just slit my throat and be done with this bs but I can't yet, I need to wait a couple years and leave town to vancouver so I could tie a brick to my legs and jump off a boat. It will look like I ran off somewhere. No body no problem right? |
| | Posted by Man from Hungary at April 19, 2012 |
Hello everyone !
After reading so much of your stories, i decided i have to share mine. Just like everybody, i can speak about it for hours, but i will keep it short:
I'am just turning 25, living in the poor European country named Hungary. I currently try to finish my second university, because my first attempt failed and i got knock out. Even now i got a chance to fail again.
This and my lesser problems with my family are not life threating matters.
What it is ?
That i met the one and only LOVE OF MY LIFE 17 years ago, and things went awesome. At the age 8, i gained everything a boy want. Succes at school, at sports, really caring friends and a truly loving girlfriend (the up mentioned love of my life). For four long years, i went through adventures on the scale of epic movies. My life was wonderful, and i wanted nothing more, i achived a level of harmony.
Then after a series of BAD BAD events (i try to keep story my short), my one and only LOVE OF MY LIFE did abandon me, and my proud castle came crushing down like a house of cards. That happened 13 years ago.
Since then, i achived no major meaningful succes, only life saving (in the meaning of restoring fighting spirit) little ones like limited succes at High School marks.
By now, as i told you before, i no longer have succes as a student. I have no succes at all. My friends one after other choosed to abandon me, and my sport "carrier" failed misera... |
| | Posted by anonymous at April 19, 2012 |
I'm really just sick of this fucking world we live in. Iv'e never done this before but here it goes. I feel like iv'e had a pretty decent life until about 10 years old, when my father died because he had hepatitis c since i was born and my mom was left the raise me and my sister alone... My middleschool expirience was pretty miserable and i had hardly any freinds... a bullies because kids would give me shit because i never really learned how to play sports because of my sick father, and i was kind of a nice guy who i guess let people walk on me. IN highschool i started smoking weed and drinking while ditching school and drinking at home because my mom was an alcoholic and allowed me to drink her beer which turned me into an alcoholic at age 17, getting a total of 7 misdemeanors hanging out with the wrong kids who i thought were my friends but instead i was just a person to get fucked up with. I only had one girlfriend during highschool (only serious relationship i ever had) whom was a cool girl, but ended up being a total whore who fucked my ex best friend. I changed schools to a secondary school ( dumbed down highschool) and nothing seemed to get better and barely graduating as a SUPER senior. i only had one job since the two years after i graduated for two weeks and got fired which is the only job expirience ive ever had...I am now going to be 20 and had been drinking just about everyday for the last 2 years heavily (12 beers a night) and now i have gained weight sinc... |
| | Posted by :((( at April 18, 2012 |
I am adopted.
I am gay, still in the closet because my parents are church ministers.
I have no friends.
I am not clever nor am I sporty.
I got depression.
I got nothing special.
I hate my life, just wish I can be somebody. Even if i only have looks, which I don't.
How can God be soo unfair... I can't really take this bullshit anymore
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| | Posted by L at April 18, 2012 |
I'm 18 years old now and for the last 5 years my life has been completely fucked up. When I was 14 my dad cheated on my mum. My mum has serious mental problems and needs help. Even before he as this he used to Physcially and mentally abuse me and my sister. She would threaten to kill us throw things at us, try to suffocAte us. I think she's got multiple personality disorder mixed with a number of other things but who the fuck knows shea just completely insane. When my dAd moved out she starting threatening to kill herself, shoving pills in her mouth in the middle of the street. While this was happening when I was 14 my sister was 18 my sister would just sit and play her video games like nothing was happening. While I was trying to help my mother. When i was 15 I started smoking, drinking, smoking weed, taking LSD and pills so numb the pain. Being made from a seriously mentally I'll mother I too was susceptible to the trauma she has. I become extremely paranoid I thought all my friends were Talking about me, laughing at me, planning to kill me, watching me when I was alone and worst of all I thought everyone could read my mind. It got so bad I couldn't speak from the anxiety and the delusions i was so caught up in. One morning I woke up from a night of partying and when I was walking it literAlly felt as if my brain had collapsed and hit the floor. I don't think I'll ever know but ever since I've never been the same. At 17 I went to see doctors about what I had turned into... |
| | Posted by anonymous at April 18, 2012 |
Im in 9th grade. I feel i should be enjoying myself and all but this weird feeling is popping up more and more. I keep feeling more sad and angry. I cant go to sleep at night because I am too busy crying and resenting my past. I know I should look in the future but the stuff I did in the past are the cause for my future. I screwed up in Geometry, so I think my dreams of majoring in science at columbia is tarnished. I really like this girl and she even talks to me ( I do not have much friends who are girls) I dont think she likes me though, she is just too nice. I feel I am getting more dumb as well, I am barely sticking in there in school and put in twice the effort. Everyone looks so happy around me but it just makes me feel worse. All of the crap Im babbling about may sound petty, but if you really know how depressed I always felt through my entire life for no reason, you should understand that it feels ten times worse when there are actually situations to be depressed about. I want to live like an ordinary kid and feel happy but I always come out short and feel more depressed. Is this highshcool I am experiencing. If you couldnt guess by now I am one of those shy kids in public, loud around my firends ( and when I try to impress this girl I like). I would call my self a nerd, but I have decent not the best grades. THis is the first time I spoke my feelings so I am sorry if it is hard to understand |
| | Posted by morgan at April 18, 2012 |
im so fuckin sick and tired of work and school. im a senior in high school, i have a 4.3 gpa at a private school and work 30 hours( 3 weeknights till 9-10 and two 7-3 shifts saturday and sunday) at a stupid fucking grocery store as a cashier and ive been doing it for almost 2 years. i hate it. i have to wake up at 6 30 everyyyyy mornign to go to school or work. every morning. i havent had a real day off in almsot 5 months. im always tired and miserable, life fuckin sucks i dont wanna friggin deal with this shit every goddam day of my life. im miserable i hate this shit. i just feel like a shell or something. i dont have many emotions any more. all i wanna do is sleep and i cant.i mean ive tried just saying to myself quit being a bitch and just get through it. but fuck it whats the goddam point. so i can go to college and work my ass off so i can get a job and work my ass off som more? fuck that i dont fucking even care about making money, i dont care about or want anything!. i just wanna fucking sleep. |
| | Posted by anonymous at April 17, 2012 |
I'm 19 years old living with bi-polar/alcoholic parents. I still go to high school and about to repeat my senior year once again due to many absences. I don't drive yet because no one shows me or have money to go to a school/even if I did with what car?I don't have a job either. my(supposedly) best friends are never there when I need them. Family is full of hypocrites and liers. I want to just move out but where and how? I got no support and really no one. My girlfriend is there for me but she really can't do much. I don't know what to do. In fact shortly I won't have cable,internet or a phone.Not going to have anything. I feel like breaking down. my life sucks. |
| | Posted by anonymous at April 17, 2012 |
where do i begin. i'm 18 and I'm the youngest of 4 girls. my three older sisters are all beautiful and smart in school and have a good head on their shoulders. i have been extremely down lately and haven't even been able to go to class or pay attention in class. I'm in my first year of college and i am failing. i passed my first semester surprisingly but my second semester is a waste. i made my parents pay for this expensive school and i can't even give them what they want. i used to study and go to the library but when i saw that wasn't paying off i gave up. today i tired cutting myself with scissors and i actually kinda liked it. no one understands or would even expect it because i am always smiling my family literally is "the perfect family". all my sisters are in school and are doing amazingly well. and then theres me. i just wanna give up, i don't wanna be here anymore because all i am is the last daughter, the dumb daughter and the unsuccessful daughter. i have so much pressure to do well in school but i just feel like its not for me. in high school i was certain i wanted to be a high school teacher but now I'm not so sure. i just don't see the point in being here if all I'm going to do is disappoint my family and be the one daughter who didn't succeed. my family likes to talk about my family. as in my uncles and aunts brag about their kids and my parents do too. but theres nothing to brag about me cuz I'm just the stupid last daughter who personally shouldn't have even been born. i can't go and see a therapist or anything cuz it would be too difficult to keep from my parents. I've never been abused or anything like that i just don't like myself and don't believe in myself. I'm in school because my parents want me to be and well you can't really get a job anywhere without school especially if you're a girl.
i just want to give up. |
| | Posted by Jaden at April 17, 2012 |
I'm now 16 and really struggling. I don't like feeling sorry for myself cause it makes me feel guilty so I rarely tell people how upset I am.
I was severely abused by my mother when I was a baby (as was my older sister) who would lock me in a cupboard when I cried, neglect my basic needs, make me audience to physical abuse by her directed to her partners and a constant victim of her erractic behaviour (due to her several severe hystrionic-related mental illnesses). I was analysed by one of the U.K's most well known child pyschologists, Dr Bentovin, and he was worried about the lack of emotion I expressed towards my mother and pretty much everything despite my young age.
My sister and I were eventually removed due to an incident in which my mother attempted to strangle her partner at the time and suffocate me by placing a pillow over my face (which she attempted several times).
I then went to live with my sister's grandparents (we have different dads). Due to how stressful and distressing my mum's effect had been on my dad, he chose to withdraw and refused to see me since I was 4. I grew up and became physically abusive towards my grandparents, often beating them when I was just 6 despite loving them. I was removed and put into care at 8, during which I tried to take my life.
A year later I returned to my grandparents and things improved. Now in high school, I have a large number of friends and was very happy for a while. However, my mother w... |
| | Posted by anonymous at April 16, 2012 |
First, I'm 17. Yes I know, "Your a hormornal teenager, everyone goes through it all, it's not as dramatic as it seems..Ect.." Ya, ya, I've hear it all.. And mostly from adults.. Others are harsher now than then! I'm not skinny. In school I was always the "Prude girls" or "goody two shoes" and my parent being a cop did not help..trust me.. Everyone walks on me because I hate upsetting people but I don't have the courage to not let them. My self esteem/confidence sucks! I've been homeschooled for a year now cause I got so sick of the "populars" and trying to please everyone, but to scarred to do anything about it. I have one friend, ONE!, that I hang out with.. I had another but only because he thought I would do stuff with him and I feel for the really sweet/he really cared about me crap.. And when I wouldn't go along he moved on to someone who would..my cousin.. Ya THAT'S great! So basically I'm..Ugly, prude, shy, no confidences, walked over, p.o.s, pathetic person who doesn't belong here (and trust me, ive considered killing myself but dont have the courage to do it..pathetic).. I've become invisible that no one cares about..My parent's "care" but don't do shit.. |
| | Posted by anonymous at April 16, 2012 |
Hi I'm a High School Student. My life to be honest is not that bad and I can not compare to other people's lives but personally I feel very lonely and insecured when I'm alone. I don't get along with people very well because while growing up there was no one really there for me.
My father left the family when I was the age of ten and only came back 7 years later leaving my mother to take care of my sister and I. She have to do double the work in order to keep us under a roof. While she work as a house attendant while having to babysit. My sister does not care much about the family thus went out hang out with other people, drinking and smoking. So during 5th grade and the rest of middle school I don't have time to make friends instead help my mother look after two kids that are around the age of 4 and 5. I have so much on my plates during those times. While preventing the kids from getting into trouble and helping them I also have to worry about school.
When high school comes I stop babysitting, but when I get home from school the whole place is empty and I felt so lonely, everyday either I turn on the computer and sit there or play my ps3 just to kill time. But everything is so boring. A lot of people say that I was lucky to have all these things, consoles, computers, ipod, iphone. But in fact I never find any joy using any of these things once maybe video games when I was younger. Then when my father suddenly come back to my life, he is not making it any better... |
| | Posted by harry at April 13, 2012 |
Well, I can't stand living like this. I'm a guy, 17, and gay. I'm a junior in high school and I have no friends. People don't want to talk to me because they think I'm weird and awkward. This is my first year at this school since I transferred and last year I was bullied a lot at my former school. I'd been bullied since my 1st grade and I grew up hating myself and everyone around me. I am very antisocial and socially inept. No one knows that I'm gay, well I told someone who I thought would become friends with me but he ended up disappointing me. I've talked to psychiatrists since I suffer from major depression and anxiety, but they don't seem to be helping. I'm very hopeless and I cut myself. I don't have a phone or anything, I'm not into anything that would help me get to college. I want to go to college but I lack motivation and support. I am very unhappy all the time, cry all the time and people see me. My family are never there, they always work and I know they also have their problems and all but they never talk to me instead they call me mentally I'll or retarded. I share rooms with my 16 year old sister who hates me, we don't talk to each other and I don't care. She has more friends and she has a phone. I think she knows I'm gay and has called me gag many times. I hate myself, I have never attempted to commit suicide because I'm scared and I think about my little brother and sister. I love them. But I'm tired of everyday being the same. I barely talk, I want people... |
| | Posted by Joe.P at April 13, 2012 |
Posting something like this is something I usually refrain from doing in-order not to sound like a whiny child desperate for attention. But I guess I'll take my chances.
I'm only 19, but I've been depressed for seemingly forever. I take prozac (and vyvanse to combat the ADHD) but nothing seems to work. Life is just as awful, just as fruitless as it were prior. I get good grades in school but abhor going. I don't have many friends (3 or so close ones). I would like to meet and converse with more people but being an introvert with awful social skills making a seemingly pedestrian task extremely nerve-racking.
I've lost the desire to do many things I use to love: Studying language, read, piano, to name a few. My hobbies have been reduced to sleeping and thinking. I would like to change, be happy for once, but something non-evident is preventing that. Ideologies? Maybe, I have yet to find meaning in life. Although I hate using the word "find" for life; happiness is not something found behind rock, it has to be created by one's self.
I'm sure compared to most people here my problems are trivial at best. I'm not paralyzed, nor have I divorced, never miscarried, never lost a close loved one and yet, I am just as miserable with my existence.
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| | Posted by You would never know at April 13, 2012 |
I am a very outgoing person. I love to make friends and have a good time. Im only 17. Im a teen and i just wanna have fun. I screwed up though. My parents use to always say what a good child and how proud they were of me....now, its the opposite. My friends would never know that im upset because i hide my family problems from them. I smile and laugh and carry on as if nothing's going on. They would never suspect that i was turning out to be a bad person.. i made a couple mistakes. They were big. I did stupid things to impress guys, did drugs, gave my virginity. I smoked weed and did pills to impress others, and because i wanted to try it. My dad found me the night i did pills. He said i almost died and he feels like a fool because he believed that i would never hurt him like that. My step-mom's mother has breast cancer so she feels that since i did pills, that i dont care about her or her mom. I lie. all. the. time. i dont even realize i do it half the time. But the difference is now i always get caught in my lies. its tearing my family apart. My parents dont trust me or let me do anything with friends. When i do, i have to lie about who im hanging out with. They dont trust me, they think im going to fail high school and go to jail. I am truly starting to feel as if there is no love anymore. Parents always say that they do the things they do for you because they love you.... i dont believe it anymore.. I cant run away, and i could never take my own life, not because im scared but because i would hate the effect that it would have on the ones i love. I do care, honest. I do wanna do better, honest. I just keep messing up. I dont think before i do. so..what do i do? Im tired of disappointing the ones i care about and im tired of going to bed crying. I feel so alone. |
| | Posted by anonymous at April 12, 2012 |
i have no friends everyone hates me and everyone talks shit on me behind my back everyones so fake and they all act like theyre friends with me but theyre not they hate me my parents hate me because im so dumb and worthless i probably wont even be able to get into college and i hate my life my parents tell me about how theyre so glad they only have one more year with me until i move out and then after highschool, they wont ever talk to me or support me anymore i want to die but im scared to commit suicide because then i will go to hell. i just wish i could die somehow or die in my sleep and never wake up i always wish that i could die but it never happens nobody loves me and i dont love myself either im so fat and ugly and nobody wants me and nobody likes talking to me and i am sometimes referred to as a dumb annoying bitch i hate my life |
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| Posted by anonymous at April 12, 2012 |
I've been reading some of the entries on here, and I've got to say it really makes me think things aren't that bad for me comparativley.
I'm 17 (almost 18), male, and I feel more and more depressed latley. I've had some problems that I've dealt with my whole life, and some new ones that are just really getting to me latley. I'll start with the long term ones and move to more recent: I have an eye condition that makes my eyes shake a lot side to side (basically, I don't want to bore anyone with the specifics) and it makes life harder. I can legally se well enough to drive, but I don't trust myself to. I have a hard time even in familiar around my home. I've alays been a little self-concious of it, because I can't just blend in. I always felt like I had to be made a big deal because of it. I'm also very very fat. I started a diet in January, and I weighed 395lbs. I don't think I need to explain the struggles that go along with heavyness. I'm still working hard at it, and I'm down to 350 now, but every single day is a war with my body. Plus if I gain after having less than 1000 calories a day I just feel like giving up. I've been big all my life too. The thing is that I didn't think I had a bad or unhappy childhood except for a few things with mean kids. We don't have a lot of money so we get by (side note, I don't know if anyone's tried to diet on a budget, but it's next to impossible! The cheapest things are the fattiest things.). I'd say that's one of the minor part... |
| | Posted by anonymous at April 11, 2012 |
Hey guys, my life just sucks. Everyday i wake up in the morning in front of my mirror just trying to get used to my horrible self. I'm really ashamed of my body im tall and skinny.I have stretch marks on my back ALL FUCKING OVER MY BACK, on my shoulders and ass, and to top it off i have horrible acne on forehead. I suck at sports, the only one im good at are the easy ones, like soccer and track probably because im mexican, yes, im mexican. I go to an all white and black school, i know barely and spanish, and theres like 5 mexicans max. Most of them arn't even my friends. I have horrible grades B's and C's. I barely hear my parents say theyre proud of me, because im a freking dumbass, I never do anything right. My best friend gets all the girls, hes white and he was some skater looking dude when i first met him, but no he was a realy good soccer player and everybody likes him. I thought he was a loser when i first met him. Only the ugly girls like me and some weird looking pretty ones that ocasionally talk to me. And whenever i was born i was premature. im 14 and i want suicide LIFE SUCKS |
I dont know why I'm feeling like I'm in such pain my mom doesn't care for me all she cares about is my stepdad he's the worse he doesn't appreciate the family I hear voices in my head telling me to kill him my mom and grandma thinks I'm going crazy but I'm not I hate my fucking life I don't give a fuck to anyone except my best friend Hillary I've been lonely i just the was a guy my age who cares about me and only me like my ex did till the relationship went to fast now it's just nothing so my life is a total reck and nothing will get better unless my mom divorcees my stepdad but for now all I can do is cry my sorrow away |
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