LIFE SUCKS : 2012 May

Why Bother With Life

Since as early as I can remember I had been picked on daily through my school life. It started when a couple kids decided to throw sand in my face in pre-school. Yes I can remember that far back. From there it was a daily routine right through primary school and secondary school of physical and mental torture. Had even been hospitalised several times because of it.

Finishing school with a score so low I was unable to enter any classes at university I wanted, I went out looking for a job. I had got a few very ordinary low paying jobs but it was a start. Moved into different cities to find better work however I was too unqualified to get anything good.

Fast forward to today. I am 32 years old, live with my parents. Don't earn enough to live by myself. Had 3 distant relationships with girls that only lasted a couple months. Had sex only once with a prositute. Watching all my friends around me grow up, buy houses, have families and move on with their lives. Im stuck going no where. I have been looking but women these days want someone successful. For more than 10 years I have wanted someone to hold me and love me but to me now, it is all a fantasy. I have even tried dating sites. Sent out 100's of contacts to women and have got ZERO replies. Not even just to be friends.

Shit job.
No qualifications.
Depression, anxiety, stress through the roof on a daily basis.
Even my psycologist said my life was setup for failure.
Can't afford to live by myself.
No girl friend.
Feel like I am a waste of space.
What is the point.

Next time my parents go away for the weekend. I plan on going to the beach, try and swim out as far as I can until I am exhausted and drown. Should be easy considering I am also not a very good swimmer.

why

I was dating this girl for 18 months. we became really serious and i knew i loved her with all my heart. everything was good even though we would fight often. i knew i was in love and i thought she was to. we did everything together even was gonna move in together. we are in college so we were gonna get an apartment and work and go to school but she didn get in to the same college i did. well to make a long story short she ends up leaving me and was already talking to another guy before we broke up. it makes me feel like shit and i been very depressed for 3 months now she was everything to me and now i have nobody to talk to. she tells me she cares bout me, misses me, even says she still loves me. hell she even cheated on him with me and the next day she tells me to leave her the hell alone. she tells me i am to negative of a person but what do you expect out of someone who loves you with all their heart and wants to spend the rest of their life with you. i tell her how i feel and she says it makes her feel bad. i don understand how she could tell me all the lies she told me and i don understand why she would treat me so horribly even after i gave her everything.

I just want to be happy.

My life is falling deeper and deeper into a hell pit. My family, not overreacting, but literally hate me so much I've actually come to hate myself. I don't bother to take care of myself. I'm only seventeen and a drop out, no GED, not smart enough to even think about taking the GED test. I can't even pass 4th grade math. It's sad. I can't drive, I can't do anything. All I can do is sleep around, which I will admit. I have been sleeping with multiple guys and have gotten a bad reputation because they are both friends. Even my own mother calls me a dirty skank whore who will never amount to anything. I just agree. Because it is true. I envy my cousins who are all smart, getting into college, boyfriends, good jobs, nice cars, all of it. I WILL NEVER HAVE ANY OF THAT. I just want to end it all, but I'm too much of a chicken to do so. So instead I'll just keep living my life the way I am right now and maybe things might change..for the better..or worse.

This sucks

I hate my situation so bad. I hate it with a fiery passion. I have never been as unhappy about how I live now than I ever have.
I am currently engaged. I am a lesbian. I am engaged to a woman 14 years older than me. She is once divorced. Has kids. One lives with us. I want to leave her. She isn't very nice to me. I am young. I feel like I can be happy one day. I just hate it here with her. She doesn't make me feel good. She can't support herself. I used to love the crap out of this woman. I don't think she ever really loved me. I think she is settling for me. I am sick of fighting for her. She can only have sex with me when she is drunk. She doesn't think I am very attractive. She freaks out about everything. She just freaked at me cause I accidently erased some spices she had on the grocery list. We got into a huge fight about it. I just don't want her anymore. I don't know why she keeps me around. This sucks. This life sucks. I know I can do better. I just don't know how to get out.

I HATE MY LIFE.

I am 25. My life started getting worst exactly 10 years ago. 10 years ago when I passed my 10th grade (In india), I took admission for Diploma in Mechanical Engineering and planned to go for Aeronautical Engineering after my diploma. in 3rd year (last year of diploma) of diploma the college got shut because it was scam college. Every god damned thing they showed us to prove it was genuine institute was forged document. Since they had political contacts they escaped and left me and 1000's of others to rot. Loads of money wasted and the precious years. In between I had girlfriend who died because of cancer. My own relatives were in competition to tell the world "How i got screwed".
I stood back again with new determination. I took admission again for diploma course and completed it with very nice grades. and then took admission for degree on age of 22. Now I am stuck in it for 3 years, with education loan on my head, no job and living on money of my dad. I have very good technical skill but no one is hiring me because I am not graduate. I am losing my patience now. I feel like killing myself or going on killing spree by killing every involved person in college scam and relatives who enjoyed my situation rather than supporting me.

I don't know what to do. I am feeling like useless junk thrown in shit yard. :-(.

Wow - Im getting a divorce and I am so scared

My husband is a liar and a porn addict - his mom is a manipulator. They have treated me like a servant and an ATM for over 5 years.

This man is the only father my son has ever known. I know I will find someone but they threw this at me so abruptly. It's hard to explain. I remodeled me and my husband's house and my sister came to live with me while my son went to stay w his step grandmother and step dad at her townhome.

My sister was a lawyer , the police came to my house and said they found my sister dead in a hotel. I was devastated. My husband said he wished I had died instead simply because his mom was overwhelmed with grief. his mom adored my sister after meeting her 3 times.

My husband always betrays me like that - he never knows what to feel unless his mom tells him it seems. He even asked another girl to marry him at the same time as me ??? Like WTF ?

Anyhow - now abruptly my mother-in-law wanted me to move out even though we all agreed to live in this home as our home together since she was having financial difficulties and the schools here are better for my son. So of course my husband tells me to get out of our house WTF ? My sister just died - i just rented out our other house and now they are telling me to get out of our house after they convinced me to pay for my sisters funeral and have no real money to speak of right now.

So - I am fully totally friggin depressed , God I am so depressed.

I had a plan - I was gonna start medical school and finish up my degree, I already did my prerequisites. I wanted to adopt handicapped children and children in need. I wanted a farm with my husband and son in the country.

And my mom died 6 years ago of cancer - I have nobody left except my son and he is all that I live for - all that I breathe for.

without him there would be nothing

Can you please pray for me ?

Ozone

I am a 54 year old woman married with two grown up children who take me for granted.
I can't work as I have a chronic illness. I know I am reasonably well preserved for my age but I feel ugly inside. I know I am an intelligent person but I feel like a worthless nobody. I have few friends. I used to have many friends but I stopped putting in all the effort and they soon dropped off. I am lonely and tired and every day I feel like ending it all
I have regular cou selling but I think my counsellor has heard it all before from me and doesn't seem to take me seriously when I say how low I feel.
I am walking a tightrope. Everyday I feel like I toss the coin - not today! Maybe tomorrow. I know how to do it so no one can save me. It's clean and easy.... Just boil up all the tablets in the house and drink it. There's nothing anyone can do.

Keeper of Independance

Let's start off with a couple things about me. I'm 19, currently working part time as a buser, I go to graphic design school, I don't have a car or my license, and I still live with my dad. Why? Because he won't give me a shot of being independent. I sometimes feel like he doesn't want to move out and grow up. He even hesitated me getting a job, and since he's my ride to work so I don't have a car thanks to him, he sometimes makes me late just so I can get fired. I told him I want to save money to buy a car and have my mom help me with driving, but he recently started making me help pay rent and I'm barely left with any money to make it through the week. I know that he could be teaching me a lesson, but I rather learn these things on my own rather then go through whatever little game he's playing. He won't give me a chance to be independent with my own car and place, I feel like he's afraid of me growing up and wants ne to be a pathetic loser who needs him all the time.

Just the way it goes.

And just when I didn't think it could get any worse. Nah, one of my closest friends dies a couple weeks ago in a car accident, I'm still trying to get over that. Now my boyfriend won't even talk to me. He tells me he loves me but I doubt that anymore. I miss when everything used to be easy. I have this friend who likes me a lot. He talked about us getting together and starting a family, all that bullshit, so a week and a half ago, he gets me drunk as fuck and we had sex. Now he won't fucking talk to me because I'm NOT pregnant and he wanted a baby. How fucked. My ex talked about still loving me. I miss him a lot. But now he's a complete asshole to me. All he wants from me is sex, it seems, and naked pictures. I've seriously been considering ending it. Like anyone would care. Not even my parents, or any of my family for that matter, because they're devout Catholics and I'm Agnostic. The whole world's against me now. How lovely. I hate my life.

Please Read This:

I'm have had a very hard life since the get go. I'm barely 19 but I haven't had the will to live since what feels like forever. I was supposed to have died at birth but by some miracle (which I sometimes wish didn't occur) I was born okay. However, I was born into a family where I'm seen as an outcast, the black sheep, a nobody. Growing up it seemed like nobody cared about me, most of the time it was like I was invisible, it didn't help if I was at school of at home, I was always ostracized, viewed as a pariah. What little friends I did achieve in getting ended up stabbing me in the back or leaving me behind. I was always picked on or made fun of growing up. Then finally in middle school I started making a lot of friends, they were everything to me, I felt like we were all the same. I thought they felt the same way too. But in high school I was forced to go to a different school then my friends, I'd always go and visit them, call them, and hang out with them still. But no matter what I did, they all just melted away now I only have one of those friends left but even she is slowly drifting away and when she does I'll be alone again.

My dad is a fucking asshole

Well, my mom when to another country to find a better job with better working hours and a good paycheck and she's staying on my older brothers house. I stayed with my dad in our house. After 2 weeks he starts calling her, complaining there was no money to eat and saying he didn't know why she went there and shit like that. I endured this for sometime until the day i was with my girlfriend and her little sister in my house and he starting saying "my son has no balls!" because i didnt beg to my mother for him to go to France (here she's staying) too. I shout at him and packed my bags and when to a friends house. It was the day he found out I smoked. As a fucking asshole he went and told my mother i ran away because i was smoking in the house. After a week at my friends house he calls me crying saying for me to come back home and he regretted it. I came talk to him and came back in some conditions but he didnt followed them and ever sense has been worse but i cant go to my friends house again because i have no job and i dont want to be a leech. my dad has sold my mom's gold, treated her and my brother and told me to forget his my father. he's being selfish and only wants to know about whats best for him, he was used to being at home doing nothing while my mom went to 2/3 jobs to pay the bills. the moment he saw he had to get a job he because an asshole cheating bastard, talking with Brazilians on the internet and telling that my mom is the maid. but he still thinks he did nothing wrong

ugly ugly ugly

Beware: this is just some stupid insignificant bitch moaning about nothing at all.

I shouldn't be complaining. the worst is over. six months ago the neighbours filed a complaint. they heard Dad screaming. He was kicking me at the time. I was taken into my Grans care. people found out about my parents abuse of me. and my cutting.
I couldn't act anymore. pretend everything is ok, smile, whatever. people stared at me in hallways and whisper. I've pushed everyone away but people won't accept that who I was before was a cover up. I'm nothing. i'm so ugly, stupid and disgusting. I wish I was dead. but I can't. I owe more then that to my grandmother. she's the only one who's loved me unconditionally. but even she can't see the pain I'm in. I cut myself daily and can't eat a decent meal without puking it out. I want to stop but I've no idea how. I feel like they're the only things keeping me alive. I cry myself to sleep each night and wish I wasn't me.
I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me. when I'm not a selfish bitch my mind is reliving memories of being beaten; being told I'm nothing. I know everyone things I'm a freak. behind the sympathetic smile it's just disgust.
my life is meaningless and insignificant. I guess I deserve it with all the shit I've done. I deserve worse.
people should give up on me. I'm not worth it
then I could end this guiltlessly
I'm too stupid and weak to get out of this cycle
what is wrong with me
oh yeah, I'm a stupid, ignorant, ugly freak

my life....is messed up.

for th past few years, my life has been turned upside down. Between Miscarriges at 17, living on my own, having to drop out of high schoolo and raise my unruly sister...its been hell. not to mention my mom is pushing me to get pregnant.

Part one, My break up of 2011.
I was dating him for over a year. his mom went crazy, called me a liar blocked my number from his phone. and told him to dump me, but i beat him to the punch, i wanted to commit suicide. when i broke up with him. i vomited for 3 days straight i was so sad. we were perfect, i know wed stil b together with his mother wasnt crazy. i loved him, and still o, but i know i can push throughit somehow.


Part two, Edward,

we met thru friends, he was a great guy, we dated for 5 months, kinda. we spent new years together while my mom left me, ev on xmas to be with her trashy husband, anna was out getig ttashed at a party. so it was just me and him and a few goo movies. we cuddled and didnt do anything, soon my enbtire life was entangled in his life. then we decided to seperate and think things over.

i got pregnant, i was 8 weeks along, the day i told him, is the day i went under soooo much stress i miscarried. and he didnt even care, instead he decided to tell everyone i told ab0out the baby, that it was a lie. :'( he didnt care, in stead he wanted to date the person i told, and she didnt knw anything about the pregnancy. this hurts me so bad to even think aout any of this...

Social life calamity

I've always had a hard time getting and keeping freinds. I'm not the most extroverted person and it takes a really long time for me to become comfortable with people and feel like I really have a friend. I'm a junior in highschool and this year has been the worst ever since my supposedly best friends started to ignore me. We met in eigth grade and from then on we always hung out and I was able to become really comfortable with them. It was the longest I had managed to keep hold of a freindship, most of them ending after about a year. Its not that I want them to end! Everyone just seems to leave me. So junior year started and I felt great about having 3 friends that I could tell everything to aand new the real me. Then all of a sudden they starte to ignore me. No more chatting in the hallways, or hanging out after school. Every time I tried to approach them they gave me a dirty look, and after a while I just stopped trying. Now I'm alone again and severly depressed. Why does everyone I grow attached to leave me? Its been like this since I was in kindergarten and I hoped the past few years had changed that trend. But now its happened again. I'm afraid of trying anymore. In the end, they just leave.

miserable and depressed

My fiance are supposed getting married in February. We want a huge family but I just found out today I am unable to carry child. The doctor told me the only way i would be able to have a child of my own would be through a surrogate. Im totally devasted!!! Im only 27 years old and i always dreamed of having kids. I hate my life! I havent told my fiance yet he will leave. What man wants a barren woman? We couldnt afford to pay for a surrogate even if he would consider it. The child would have no college fund! My mother is no support she keeps saying that it wasnt meant to be..but why me?????

I can't even put this in sentences it's too terrible.

i am gay
i am a prostitute
i am broke'
i am addicted to drugs
i am unemployed
my boyfriend is a child molester
my mom and dad died in a car crash
i am an only sister
my boyfriend abuses me
my house is being foreclosured
i have to move in with my boyfriend
he is threatening to kill me ( which i have no problem with
i am being stalked
i have no friends
all my other relatives died
my uncle molested me as a kid
my parents abandoned me before they were killed

life sucks so much i don't know what to do

I am the bright side to all situations

Hey everybody who thinks they have it bad. Well read this and you will feel alot better. I read alot of these post on here and I still got you all beat. I am 19 years old and yeah I have never been sexually assulted or have any illness but I look at it like this my life aint over yet so just cause it aint happened yet dont mean it aint coming. Here's my story, my family is terrible and I havnt talked to them in over 6 years. My grandma was the best but I lost her when I was little. My mom is still in my life but no comment on her. Anyway I had never been in a relationship cant even date anyone because of my situation. There always been some reason why I can bring somebody home. When I did have a friend something will happen and I lose them I was bullied growing up people always was putting me down, I have very little self-estem. Now I can say though I became so mean and hateful it's impossible to bully me now. So now people fear me instead of tease me. Im somewhat homeless living in a damn motel. So no I dont have any money or a job right now. I dont have my driver license so no I dont have a car. I was in school for a year but that didnt work out. I have experienced poverty in every form from starving to living in my moms car. Ugh Im getting mad just writing this. SO of course I am very BITTER. Hate aint even a strong enough word that can describe how I feel about my life. Well anyway I hope I cheered somebody up. I guess you realize now things could be worst.

Forever sad.

I hate my life, and I always have. No one knows but I have come to secretly hate every thing person on this planet. I am a 26 year old college student. I have always been told I was beautiful (even modeled at one point) but I have never ever felt like I was, because inside is a dark, hateful person. I actually feel joy at the demise of certain people, and it's my sickening reality.
Growing up, I was always very creative, happy and outspoken. I had a seemingly normal childhood. Vacations, holidays, birthdays, sports, shopping. Normal shit. Both of my parents were in the Marine Corps until I was about 4. But throughout my entire childhood I was hiding a very sad secret: my father sexually abused me when my mother wasn't home from ages 4-7. I was too young to know how terrible what he was doing to me was, so to me it was normal. I gre to understand, and so did his rage toward me and most of the people around him. He drank about an 18 pack of beer a day. He always worked a steady job though, so to the outside world, he was just a hard working father. But at home, he was verbally abusive and would punch or kick me when I was "acting up". Although I was close to my mother, to this day she thinks I "pushed him too far". Right.
Since I can remember, I have loved helping and empathizing with others. I always knew I wanted to go into psychology, and learn more about childhood development, partially so I can better understand what I went through myself. I just finished my ...

Lost it all

Just ten years ago, I had money, good looks, fame, fun, friends, ambition, women. Now I'm broke, unemployed, in debt, can't get a job in a field I used to rule...hell I can't get a job period. Living with family. I have a girlfriend who has no time for me. I'm on unemployment. I'm just so confused and forgotten, So angry at those who took my career away. Fuck all this.

silence

Ive spent my whole life just being quiet. Mentally ive had 100s of freinds realky ive probably had one. One real one at least. Today was my birthday. I got alot of happy birthdays. But they just seem so plastic. I mean if you have to tell people its your birth day then im sorry because I know how it feels to tell someone you thought was your freind that its your birthday they cant be a real freind.
This isnt the only thing that makes me sucidal. Stuff like this has been happening all my life and im fucken done with it.

Its selfish that I want to kill myself. I read these other stories and think my life isnt as bad as some of these peoples are. But im gonna do it I dont know when but im gonna hang myself