untitled story|
| Posted by Justin at March 22, 2012 |
Wake up early go to work, get home eat, go to sleep. This is my life all week every week. Weekend go out and drink feel like shit the next two days and then begin the work week all over again. Inbetween working and one night of drinking is BILLS, bills, bills.
Life sucks
Got to be more than this crap |
| | Posted by stupid replicator at March 21, 2012 |
Q: Why are we here?
A: Billions of years ago, a molecule began to make copies of itself. The copies weren't perfect. This caused the copies to vary, and some survived while others didn't.
Q: Why do we have the values, pleasures and pains that we do?
A: They were randomly arising qualities that were correlated with the most surviving ancestral copies.
That's it.
There is no design.
No souls.
No gods.
No unseen spiritual world that will fix all of the miseries in this one.
The idiocy of life is that this highly fecund molecule that we have come to be a product of only cares about making more copies.
What if a copy falsely believes in heaven and thinks a life of torture is worth it to bestow the "gift" of life on another victim? It doesn't matter. The pain and suffering of the copy is irrelevant as long as it makes more copies.
This "game" is beneath the dignity of a thinking and feeling person. Why would anyone who thinks and feels force another to play it?
Right, because Jesus. Or Mohammed.
May an asteroid end this stupid experiment. |
| | Posted by anonymous at March 21, 2012 |
I don't judge people based on their skin colour, sex orientation or their faith. I don't think people who finish college or who have some sort of degree are better people, or smarter or more informed than people who didn't finish college and have no degree. I am a person who thinks college isn't for her. I'm in college, but am not going to my classes and will soon drop out. I just didn't find happiness there. Studying and doing this for a degree just so I can feed myself and pay the bills and if all goes well maybe have a bit more money for some other little pieces of happiness. I don't know what to do really. And I don't know how to find something. I know that if I don't do nothing I will one day end up homeless and desperate. So obviously I need some security and something long-term. I don't know how to find that. I don't live in America so I can't have a job without a college degree and still live a comfortable life. And even if I did live there how would I survive. I want to learn how to live and survive. I just don't see happiness in living everyday the same or similar. Getting exited for working a whole year just so I could go on a trip somewhere for 7 days, in the best case scenario of course. I find happiness in small things. Listening to music, singing, reading, going out sometimes and travelling. Nothing spectacular. But the thing is you can't do that if you don't have the money for paying the bills. If I had all the money in the world I'd probably go travel and... |
| | Posted by anonymous at March 20, 2012 |
There is a paradox that shapes every human journey, the reality, that our lives are shaped by the choices we make, even if one thing we cannot choose shapes us most: where we come from. No one has any say over how it starts, when we enter the world, who brings us here, how much bleakness and how much hope surrounds us as existence comes into focus. These are the origins that forever define us, these are the images that have shadowed every choice we've made since. |
| | Posted by anonymous at March 20, 2012 |
Admittedly, I have it better than some. I'm not going to waste my time writing about my life or anything, because I think the real question is what is the point of living? After we die, we lost everything, good and bad, only for others to inherit it. Even if our problems get better (whether by hard work or by miracle) other than being happier life is still a complete waste of everything.
Why even worry about anything when we're just going to die anyways. See it's the economy and hiearchy of the world that really ruined everything. Cave men didn't care about money nor did they need it to make them happy. They just did what they needed to do. If it wasn't for our social environment we would all probably realize that everything is just totally pointless.
I really wish I was dead. Life is full of dissapointments. I mean, whats the point of life if you're just going to be let down? |
| | Posted by anonymous at March 19, 2012 |
Everyone makes mistakes; so why have mine led my life to be so empty?
I am both fortunate and unfortunate: I had everything I ever wanted. Let us have some context shall we? I am but 18 years old and I met someone on the third day of going to university [mistake number 1]. We did everything together [mistake number 2]. By week 3 I had practically moved in [mistake number 3]. His friends were my friends [mistake number 4]. Week 4 he told me he loved me, week 5 I told him I loved him [mistake number 5]. I know what you're thinking: "what on earth was he (yes I am gay) thinking?". Please allow me to explain, I was inexperienced in the art of relationships; I had always rejected my true homosexual self due to how condoned it is in society. But at university I gave myself a fresh start with open minded people and for the first time in my life I opened up [mistake number 6]. I do not open up, and so when I did I felt vulnerable and became dependant [mistake number 7].
I have always been very strongly independent: one does not show emotion, one always makes rational decisions and one never cries. I broke all three of these. But that didn't bother me until 6 weeks ago. I made a mistake [mistake number 7, undisclosed] and he said he could not trust me anymore. Overnight I lost everything. I lost my friends, my motivation and my happiness.
I always knew I was destined to be alone, but to actually in complete solitude yet surrounded by a university full ... |
| | Posted by anonymous at March 19, 2012 |
I apologize for being vague and sometimes contradictory in advance, however, I hope that someone will be able to pull a kernel of realization out of this.
Perhaps I am simply disillusioned with all life, but I still feel it necessary to prolong my own. I have poured myself into my work, I earn enough to launch myself into a good education, or a career, or into drugs and alcohol. I want none of these things. I want all of it. It is a feeling that has always plagued me since I was young, the need to go out of my way to find the differences in action that make me unique while still allowing for connections with a majority of other humans. That requirement has been boiling down to nothing as of late, I have become contented with going along with the flow of things as I no longer care for my life long aspirations.
Being rich is easier than being poor, thus that is what I shall be. The logic behind that statement seemed sound when I set out to gain fortune in the world. It's lost the ring it used to posses when I first thought of it. I wanted to know the meaning of life somewhere along the line of consciousness and now I believe that I have attained it. There is no point to things. Chaos is the only force behind us, solipsism is not what I am advocating, though the undertones of it are clearly present.
I do not understand what my purpose is, is it simply to die? That is the only thing all organic life has in common, it eventually ceases to be. I bel... |
| | Posted by LifeLiver(WY94) at March 19, 2012 |
"All stories are pre-moderated" OK, so I guess I'll censor a lot of things then (I was going to use lots of censored words but I don't know if that would prevent this from being posted).
Before I begin I'd just like to tell everyone who beckons to assure me that "there are a lot of people worse of than you" to STFU. Because first of all, not only is that generalizing a lot of things, but if that's the case, I guess I should just be thankful I'm even human in the first place and not born a maggot or some shit like that. Because there are many of things out there who have shittier lives than you. So what? In the end, it comes down to this: "ARE YOU HAPPY?" If the answer is no, then life is still shit. Sure, some things have got life worse than others. That sucks for you. But you know what? Despite the fact that someone has a slightly better life than you, it still sucks if you're not happy. Of course you can't be happy all the time, but on the general scale, your life should have some ups and downs and be enjoyable at least sometimes.
And before you tell me I should be grateful for living in the US, NEWSFLASH: I'm not from the US! So STFU about that. Also, STFU about the people who work shitty jobs for less than minimum wage in 3rd world countries. We know that life sucks. All the negatives of life far out-weigh the positives of life. So what drives people to continue living? I began thinking about that question a long time ago, and quite frankly, it's a ... |
| | Posted by anonymous at March 19, 2012 |
Alright for starters I am 22 turning 23. I have been living in Thailand for 4 years. I am from US MN. I have done allot of bad things in my life and have had allot of different relationships with woman. I know we are all guna suffer for someone or something but its who is worth suffering for. I didnt do very good in high school and that follows me arround quite a bit. I drank too much in high school hung arround the wrong people. Too many drugs etc. Really only caring about sex and getting high. Than my dad thought it would be good for me to come to thailand and enjoy the beaches and women and have a good time here. To which I really didnt want to come anyway. I got my ged and flew here. Though I just feel so lost. Allot of deap anger problems from my past. Hate my family. Yes i know I fucked up sometimes but you know what my family fucked up way more than i did. Anyway I am so depressed and have been for along time. I try to do good and right now i am a english teacher not the best sinse hey i only have a ged. Also its been so fucking hard for me just to survive. Barely any money and i blew too much getting drunk. I just dont know what to do with my life. Where its going. I have a gf now and she is good though how do i know and can know anything. I almost killed myself a week ago. she stopped me. i just seriously lost the will to live that day. I feel sad also sinse I can barely take care of my self being outa work. Gf takes care of me. Anyway I drink too much also and... |
| | Posted by anonymous at March 19, 2012 |
Throughout elementary school and some of middle school, I had constant behavioral and emotional problems. I would often get angry at peers and teachers, and I would often place my head on my desk or throw and kick random stuff. Of course, I was always sent to the office for special ed kids where I was often told that my mom would be getting a phone call about my behavior. I'm sure there were whole weeks where I was just in trouble. I was grounded for at least half of my sixth grade year.
In sixth grade, I was eventually diagnosed with ADHD, and I took at least two medications, which gave me some improvement. The ADHD symptoms eventually wore off. Then I eventually get into high school. There, my social skills were mediocre...on a good day. I had a few acquaintances and a few people I would consider friends, but I never hung out with them after school. I was very much a loner, an introvert, and that one guy who some people thought was gonna shoot up the school.
I never got a girlfriend, even though I'm sure there were a few that liked me. Any girls that did like me probably just stopped liking me because I never had the balls to go up and talk to them. Speaking of talking, my speech skills kinda blow. I had speech sessions in elementary school up until sixth grade, I believe. Despite that, I still have difficulty talking. I often have trouble spitting out what I want to say and I'll sometimes briefly stall in the middle of a sentence.
In addit... |
| | Posted by ti at March 18, 2012 |
I dont know what to say...
I guess I will start with a severe problem of the grass is always greener on the other side. I make a decision then spend my time realizing what a mistake it was until I reverse the decision and do it again. I have two great girls but didnt fight there mom for much parenting time even though I really wanted to have the kids more. Now I am stuck with every other weekend and a few hrs during week days. I am trying to make it work and am great when the kids are around but fall into depression when they are gone. I decided to go back to school and am earning strait A's the past year (first time ever.) I am trying to keep busy with projects around the house and school work but I never feel very happy. I used to be so different than I am now and am finding it difficult to keep going. I know the kids need their dad and I am trying to do the best I can. I know I am being a great dad but after a weekend with the girls, and their mom picks them up I feel as empty as ever. I try to date but dont feel even near emotionally available or worthy of love. I have started smoking some but keep it hidden. I try not to drink (never do with the kids) but I cant sleep if I dont have a couple beers before bed. I cant shut off my mind. I just toss and turn. I lost a few close friends over the past few years and I dont feel like hanging out socially with the friends I have.
The saddest thing is that I am a fortunate person in so many ways. I am in goo... |
| | Posted by anonymous at March 18, 2012 |
People ask, "Is there life after death?"
I think, "Is there life before death?"
People ask, "Where do you hurt?"
I think, "What must it be like for these people not to hurt?"
People ask, "Do you think there is a purgatory?"
I think, "Yes, and this is it - we're in it."
People ask, "Do you think there is a hell after you die?"
I think, "I know that this is hell before I die, and I wouldn't expect anything to change just because my heart quits."
People ask, "Don't you believe that Jesus will heal you if you only believe?"
I think, "I did believe in Him, until He didn't."
People ask, "Are you in pain?"
I think, "I wouldn't be anywhere else."
People say, "People would like you better if you would smile and not frown ALL the time."
I think, "If I smiled, then people would detest me for being such a phony, pretending that life is good and God is so, so good to me, and I'm fine, doing well, and couldn't be better. Better to be a poor man than a liar. If I have to be poor, then better to be poor and hold to my integrity than to be poor and a liar as well."
People ask, "How long is this expected to last?"
I think, "I've existed with it for forty or fifty years, so I guess it will last another forty or fifty years, or until the Lord has mercy and ends it."
People say, "You know there are people who are much worse off than you."
I think, "And that helps me how?"
Peop... |
| | Posted by anonymous at March 17, 2012 |
I'm not good at essay writing; I'll just type what comes to mind.
We can never fully enjoy life. The most fun things are considered 'immoral' or 'unhealthy'. For instance, I (secretly) love men. But I can't have gay sex because... it's disgusting and unclean and (seemingly) painful -- and I do believe all that! But.. these damned thoughts make up my most powerful sexual fantasies. Why!? Why have I been brought into a world with all this 'capability' and so little 'ability'?
I mean, everything's a health risk; ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING gives you cancer! After learning the hazards of 'red-meat'... Ahhh....!!! Life is hopeless. (-_-) And it isn't just disease; there's cruelty, poverty, greed, etc. I'm sick and tired of it all. Why are we even born? Thus far, the only reason I've deduced is.. TO DIE! "There must be something more to life! There's just got to be", I keep saying to myself. "God?! Are you listening? I need your help!", I keep screaming. I'm growing weary; I'm falling apart...
I can't imagine what I'd do if I lost the only person in the world I love... But it will happen -- eventually, She will die (if I don't first) -- and I will have to accept the reality that all that I love -- all that everyone loves -- will wither and die.
LIFE SUCKS. |
| | Posted by anonymous at March 14, 2012 |
I just realized that the only purpose of life for all people, from the rich to the poor, is money. It is all about money and it seems so fucking artificial. I see people working their ass' off everyday, just for a week vacation in which they can relax and do nothing. Then the cycle continues, over and over again, they go back to work, work extremely hard just for another week of vacation, it seems so pointless. For myself, I am trying to find the purpose of life and the point of my existence. I found that everyone's goal is to get money in order to pleasure themselves with 'toys'. Asking around, it seems true for all people and even worse, it seems as though people don't give a damn about it. Everyone just wants to get through life with the least amount of troubles and it is so depressing. I don't understand what the point of life is for me, and for everyone else. Furthermore, everyone follows the exact same cycle. It begins with making it to high school, trying to get good grades and have sex, and then continues to college/university where we find what we love most, and with this knowledge, after you get your university degree, get a job to get money to spend on this and that. Then we find a girl whom we fall in love with and eventually get married and have kids. After this point, people don't know what to do next, except try to make it through life. It is such a depressing and demoralizing thought, but it is true, not only for me, not only for you, but for everyone. An... |
| | Posted by anonymous at March 14, 2012 |
I am a 27 year old female virgin, still living with my parents, I can't drive, and have never lived on my own, or been on holiday on my own. I have never had a boyfriend or dated any one, as I get older all I do is watch other people be happy with each other and wondering why I must be singled out as different, i can't talk to anyone about this as there is no one who will relate, to be told that I am attractive, good looking, it just leads me to thinking that I must be ugly on the inside to be repelling people away, guys stare but they don't approach, and I have tried to be more active in this, by striking up conversations first, smiling back, but I never know what to do beyond that stage and it never progresses to a phone call, I am an antisocial person by nature, so I am out of my comfort zone in this, although guys like to think women have the power in regards to sex, we really don't, society dictates that it is the man who should make the contact, as a woman you have to play games to get a guy to "chase" you, and you have to do it the right way: come on too soft and they won't get the message, come on too strong and they think you are desparate, I never realised trying to be happy was so hard. I am not defining my happiness on another person, but it is nice to atleast experience a moment with someone. To have someone, even for a short time, think that you are worth something.
That's only one problem, which I guess could be related to a wider problem of gene... |
| | Posted by anonymous at March 13, 2012 |
Yup life sucks but I could really careless anymore. I'm 20 years old and have never really excelled at anything besides smoking weed and playing video games. I'm a high school drop-out, alcoholic, weed smoking,anti social coward that only has any courage when I'm piss drunk or blacked out. I ALWAYS end up getting beaten up because I'm a pushover when it comes to fighting even though I like to portray some sort of badass street dude when in reality its quite the opposite. I did have a job washing dishes and lost it in this last bout with depression which I will say was the worst in my life.
I'm only now getting over it.... well I don't even know if I'm over it I just don't fucking care anymore. A month ago I was on the fucking verge of killing my self. I was sleeping just to sleep because in my dreams I was most happy and had most fun, got laid, was a hero ect. Stopped eating almost completely. Lost probably like 20 odd pounds. Stopped talking to EVERYONE I knew (which was like 3 fucking people lol) and to top it off lost my job washing dishes. Fucking combo breaker son.
So here I am still alive and more determined then ever not to give fuck anymore. I still have the worst luck with life but hey its kind of easier once you just start to expect shit to go wrong. Like last Friday I acually manned up and when to the club by my self found a chick that was acually digging me only to get beaten to a bloody pulp leaving the club headed to my pla... |
| | Posted by Ray at March 13, 2012 |
It doesn't matter if you're some starving little child in africa abducted by Kony and whatnot, or if you're this 13 year old girl that thinks she will never get a boyfriend.
If you're one of those people that have been educated about the holy God your whole life, and how there is a heaven, You're bound for dissapointment.
The littlest things can make you severely depressed (well that's how it is in my case) because, i am constantly comparing the shit that happens here with the heaven i have always believed is real (?). See, what i'm getting at is, why is God putting us through this. (from a depressed formal christian's point of view)
The main question i had was, why would God create a world where people suffer. He knew that Adam would eat the apple, and that he would let sin in. for all of us to suffer in. so, I stumbled upon this on the internet.
(don't get me wrong with the next statement, i am very low faith)
"If God knew that we would sin, why did he create the world?Our tendency in answering this question is to look at it from a man-centred perspective: what’s in it for us? Wouldn’t it have been better for us never to have sinned?
But the answer that the bible gives challenges us by taking a God-centred perspective. And it makes us step back and ask an even bigger question:
Why did God create the world at all?
God didn’t create the world primarily for our benefit, he did it for his glory. He created a world tha... |
| | Posted by anonymous at March 12, 2012 |
Seconds tick by. My alarm clock slowly flashes a new minute, then a new hour. Everyone and their mother is sleeping and here i am, awake again. Its been three days since my last inbound call, and I'll be damned if it wasnt a butt dial. The one friend i did have is fixing his life and sorting it out.. without me this time. The pack of cigarettes i smoked today made me feel better for a wbile... but now i'm broke as a joke so no more pot or cigarettes to keep me from myself. This is the sixth day of near sleeplessness... and the third that i stifle sobs so as to not wake the family.
Every day i look for a job, i try to meet new people, or reconnect with old ones... being a high school and college dropout doesnt help my case any. I lost most of my friends aftwr my first suicide attempt... the shelf i hung from gave way to my weight, so they thought i was craving attention... my family doesnt know. 19 years into this adventure called life.. 6 phone contacts, my v card, and i havent yet broken a bone. The saddest part to me is that as a reasonably bright 19 yo i cant figure out why i am the messed up one.
My ADHD on top of other things is a daily impediment. I try to communicate but my mind is too fast for my mouth and i get jumbled up... this makes it especially difficult to reach out to loved ones and friend.. in fact this is the first anyone knows about me being less than content... i guess i can pride myself that far.
Every waking moment for two years of my life has been for drugs or another person... but drugs lost their fun and newness and people slowly dissolved away.. which brings us to now.
I am G.R. Wilson, 19, jobless, directionless, and looking up self help forums on Google.
Who are you? |
| | Posted by anonymous at March 10, 2012 |
Depressed? Of course you are, why else would you be on this site. I'm not here to say my life sucks compared to anyone elses' or that its better, I'm here to bitch how all of our lives suck so much more than almost everyone's. I'm not even sad that I'm depressed, I'm pissed off that I'm depressed as a result of having a shitty life in comparison to everyone I know. I'm almost sure you feel the same; think about it. I hate that there's a "Not that bad" button for these posts.. a persons issue is only not that bad if theyre complaining about a popped tire on their Escalade and having to push it out of traffic. Fuck I don't even know where I'm going with this. I hate being too much of a pussy to kill myself, I can't wait for life to get better. All I want is a couple good friends that I could vent my problems to. Go ahead, rank my problem as "Not that bad". Thanks for reading, I hope for everyone who has posted for things to get better; even if they won't because life is a sick joke. Fuck. |
| | Posted by TheCaretaker at March 9, 2012 |
Hello everyone,
I am 39, male. I was - finally - diagnosed at 35 with Borderline Personality Disorder. This was after 5 psychiatric hospital stays, multiple major depressive episodes, anxiety attacks, drug and alcohol abuse, cutting, failed marriages, etc.
I am not completely "well," as I will always have BPD. But I am in remission, meaning I am not showing enough symptoms right now to be diagnosed with it. BUT I will always have it. Thank goodness for Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT).
That said, at 39, I have very little to show for myself. A rental house, a car that is not paid for, very little furniture, huge medical debts, etc. BUT I am alive, have found a great GF with BPD as well, who can help me and I can help her. She has made me very happy.
I guess my point is, every situation has an upside coming. I read a lot of Buddhist philosophy, although I do not follow the religion. One of the tenets of Buddhism is everything changes. So, if you are struggling, know that it WILL change for you.
If you need someone to "talk" to over email, leave me an email address in the comments - make up a new anonymous one if you need to.
I DO NOT have all the answers, but would be glad to trade ideas back and forth.
There IS someone there that cares. I do, if no one else. |
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