LIFE SUCKS : Anxiety

Alone...

I used to have a lot of friends more than I could count 6 months ago, then after graduation and going to college I don't see my friends. My best friend and I got in a fight because his girlfriend hated me for no reason. He just chose her over me (his best friend for 4 years), and he's barely know her for a year.

I have no contact with any friends, no one talks calls or texts me anymore. I've had depression, but it's gotten a lot worse. I don't have anyone to talk to my problems with, my brother causes me stress and acne, I have no girlfriend, I have social anxiety, and college is kicking my butt because no one can get their $#!t straight except for me. My parents think I'm evil because I like anime and am depressed.

I am alone, my ex-friends took me to a strip club last week (I didn't want to go, I thought it was a dance club.), and I became more depressed as my money got wasted on crap.

i just hate my fucking life!

hi, my name is marie.

im 16 and i used to have a perfect life. im an illegitimate child but that doesnt stop me from having the fullest of life. i was popular at school, i have an amazing talent and i really have a high god damn grades. i had so many friends and i had the most gorgeous boyfriend. i felt like i was on the top of the world that time until one day my friends strted talking wrong shits about me all over the school. students then would discriminate me and all that shits. my bestfriend since preschool wouldnt talk to me and my teachers too have that grudge to me for no apparent reason makes me really wanna kill them. what makes it worse is that my father who hadnt showed up since i was born came back. i thoght it was gonna be okay but then it turn out that he was.only asking my mum for money.

i then had an anxiety disorder. im scared of all the people around me. im terrified of the thoughts of having gossips about me. damn! im afraid of everything. now, i stop going to school. and this anxiety also stopped me from dancing. and now i turn out to be pregnant. shit! shit! shit! i wanna kill myself. im afraid to tell this to my mum. i dont have any friends. me and my boyfriend got into a huge fight. and im stuck in this fucking situation.

damaged goods

Every time I get close to happiness or success something happens to screw it up. I have had severe depression and anxiety and had to drop out of college. I got breast cancer and now have fake, scarred boobs. I have severe social, dating anxiety. I finally found a guy that I like and feel safe with. I turned him down initially but one day I prayed that god would guide me and soften my heart. I saw him not an hour later and he invited me to a faith renewal seminar. My eyes were opened. I realized how much I liked him then 2 days ago I get a possible herpes diagnosis. Which by the way, I've only ever been with one person over ten years ago. That is the extent of my sexual experience. I know women who contstantly sleep around with many partners and have nothing!! It not fair!!! He's currently "reflecting" on it but I know it's over. He's germophobe. I know hes disgusted by me.
GOd, I asked you to soften my heart not break it!!!
To me you are colder and colder everytime. I hate my self. I hate my scars, I hate my social anxiety, I HATE hepes. I hate depression. Today, I hate You too.
It was so hard to date him. I had to push through so much anxiety, it was so hard but I did it becuase I like him so much I thought I might be falling in love. Now??? Hell no I am NEVER coming out of my shell. I am never taking a chance again!! Everyone can go to hell, fuck you all. Fuck God! This isn't fucking fair!!!
What the hell am I supposed to get out of this other than DETESTING myself!
Destesting scars, herpes, social anxiey, I don't like my home or my jobs very much, cant think of any good.

alone, broke, depressed

I am survivor of repeated childhood molestation along with physical and mental abuse, I was told my father was dead until I was 18 so that my mother could keep me there to releive some of the abuse my step father did to her. I was sold for drugs, made to solicit money, raised my siblings, went days without food, and seen my little sister murdered because i told about the sexual abuse. I was finally put in a foster fmaily only to be bullied and threatened at school, I cut school and was raped at gun point. I moved away for high school and my high school boyrfriend hung himself. I then somehow managed to get married to a man who thought it was a great idea to wake me up with his hand between my legs even though he knew about the abuse. When he wasnt terrorizing me at night he was running around with half the town or on the phone with phone sex operators at 9.99 a minute. Anyway ten years and three beautiful children later, and more affairs than I could keep track of I finally left. I moved home to be with family and I dont fit in in either side, to good for my moms side, not good enough for my dad's. My children dont listen. I was working and the guy who raped me in high school showed up and I had a panic attack and ended up losing the job, havent been able to keep a job since. I just started on medication for anxiety and depression, I am months behind on all my bills and will probably get evicted soon. I also have no way to provide christmas for my three children and the one thing they really wanted thier dad has promised and lied about for over a year. I feel like a failure to my children, to myself, and just in general. I cant seem to get ahead, I have had three knee injuries/surgeries in two years, I am morbidly obese, and I feel worhtless. If it were not for my children I would have found a way to end it all by now.

Sad but true..

I'm 24 and yet I feel like I haven't lived a day. I suffer from severe anxiety, avoidant personality, and possibly bi-polar but I'm to afraid to get diagnosed with something new. I've always felt out place and never knew what I was doing. It was kinda like walking in a dark blindly everyday. I could say my fucked up childhood and being raped has ruined my life but it's to typical. I always had this obsession of finding someone to love me and protect because I feared the world and never knew what it was like be loved. Foolishly,
I imagined at 17 the boy of my life was my hero and I would never be alone or hurt again. I got knocked up and the dream was over. I loved the little child inside me and everytime I felt it kick I knew It was a blessing. My daughter meant the world to me and I only wanted to give her the love and happiness I never received. I wanted to protect her from the world...I couldnt fail..but I did. I couldn't care for her financially. Everytime I tried to get a job ..my nerves got the best of me. I tried going to school but I didn't have a clue what I was doing. I feared everything and everyone. I gave up. I felt like a human with no depth/soul. I couldn't function like a normal human. I became depressed and turned to alcohol. It helped. It gave me the "confidence" I needed. I felt invincible..but I lost control over my drinkIng which resulted my rape and a beating I'll never forget. After it happened..I felt like I died. I remember walking home wi...

defeated.

I am 20 years old. I am blond and athletic, blue-eyed and pretty, or so I've been told. But I'm also crazy. I've never really been able to maintain any kind of friendship, and I feel so alone and isolated. I live 3,000 mi away from my parents, and it's horrible.

For years I suffered from impulsivity, violent mood swings, attention deficient and depression. I have Social Anxiety Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, an eating disorder, issue with cutting, and I have a form of bipolar that causes hyper emotionality (think being so sensitive it's the emotional equivalent of walking around with third degree burns all over your body). I trend sometimes toward suicidal depression.

I have had one boyfriend who cheated on me and abused me. His best friend raped me, and when I tried to bring charges against him through my school I lost. I don't think anyone will ever love me or that I'll ever be able to function enough to live a normal life. I am thinking it might be better to just kill myself so I don't have to to deal with this anymore. I really hate being alone.

What did I do Wrong?

I was a good student my whole life, never got into any trouble. Always did the right thing, especially homework. I ended up in the top percentage of my graduating class, went to college.

College absolutely SUCKED! I had made friends, but by the end of freshman year, we had all grown appart or they didn't approve of my religion (or lack of a care for religion) or the fact that I decided to join a sorority (a club of women usually associated with hazing and full of ignorant people, but actually the opposite in regards to the one i joined). My second year came in which I ended up having a huge fight with my roomate/bestfriend and we haven't spoken since. A "sister" (member of the sorority) moved into my room and things were fine untill she started teasing me for my virginity. Then the isolation started when I would often disagree with this person on many subjects, and this person was considered the 'favorite' of the group (so maybe my earlier statement about the group not having ignorant people is false...) I started cutting myself due to all the stress of loosing close friends, having to deal with religious ignorance (from the student body and professors), and not finding any close relationships within the sorority I joined.

Unable to afford to transfer schools, I did the best I could and picked up a second major that did not judge its students on their religion. I was also diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, which helped to lesen the stress that w...

Life sucks... and then you die

For the longest time I have felt as if I am drowning in the blackest mire. No way out, just the darkness closing in.
But to explain to someone- ANYONE- well telling the truth takes more strength than I think I possess. You see, people believe, because I let them, that my childhood was decent enough. Few have ever seen me even mildly miserable- heaven forbid I should let them see the extent of my depression! I wear a face for the world and another in private... But the truth is my father was, and still is, an abusive shit. Such that I have exiled myself from my home and am studying too far away to visit. Just today I decided it would be too painful to return for the winter- I would rather stay here, alone, in the holidays than have to endure THAT house for even a day, let alone three weeks. I cannot face it anymore.
Yet even though I can logically trace the course of my depression and the deterioration of my sanity it still becomes increasingly difficult to cope. Small things become a chore. I shun human company. My studies are suffering. Some days I sleep too much; others I am too anxious to sleep at all. I do not want to feel like this anymore- I look out the window, see that it is a pleasant day, and want to end it.
Now I find myself increasingly turning to alcohol. And that has consequences of its own. I find that it loosens my tongue, and I admit things I never would sober. Then I do stupid things... And in the morning, when I wake, all I am left with is guilt and a massive hangover.

Poor excuse for a person

I've never had high expectation for my life. I figured, I'd at least scrape out a meager living. I could live with a dead-end job, with no hope of advancement. I could deal with a crap apartment. I just want to be able to take care of myself.

I had a job about 4 months ago, for 2 months. Before that, I had been unemployed for 2 years. I was happy again. I final felt like I could take care of myself. But my employers didn't like my perpetually anxious state. Despite my efforts, I failed them. I wasn't good enough. No one wants a person with so much anxiety, depression and an inferiority complex that just won't quit.

It seems that anytime I start to feel better about myself, like I'm living up to my potential in someway, my confidence gets ripped away from me. It was the same story with school. I feel lucky that I managed to graduate high school.

I'm told "Just get up, dust yourself off and try again". But after you've been kicked down so many times, the whole thing seems like its set up so I can never win.

All I have is my best friend, the love of my life. If I lost him. I would truly have nothing left. It sounds horrible but, I don't think I could go on living without him. I wish I could give him more then just my love. I just have nothing to offer other then that.

Life sucks.

Where's the reset button?

I am 29 years old. I have been in and out of college since I was 19. I don't know if I'm bi-polar or what, but my environment and past experiences seems to set the precedent for how I see myself. I also have anxiety, sometimes badly. I guess I built my life around keeping that in mind. I haven't had a girlfriend in about 10 years. I made a move to new town because I was tired of the loneliness of the last one and am staying with an 'acquaintance'. (He's smokes pot all day and has more problems than I do) I can't get a job. I have had a couple interviews and had panic attacks both times, once I had to run away from it. Whenever I think about going in for an interview where they want to get to know me (which is the standard since my resume is so crappy) I freak myself out and can't go. It's like I'm being possessed by something. I'm also a part-time student without a car, so finding work is hard enough, plus the fact that there is this recession and I'm in a town with high unemployment anyways. There's no heat in the house (extremely cold!) and I have no money to go anywhere. It feels like a psychological prison. I have nothing to do but wonder what the hell happened to me. I'm not dumb or mean but I know I appear that way. I don't have anything positive to rely on or help pull me up and I find myself becoming more estranged from everything. I'm crazy, but I can step out of myself and see what is wrong, I just can't change it.

My suckie Life

My life sucks and it always has. I was molested repeatedly by my grandfather when I was a little girl. My stepfather tried to rape me when I was 15. ended up in the psych ward for 21 days because I was a danger to myself and others. That was a nightmare. Spent the next two years in and out of foster homes.I suffer from panic attacks, anxiety disorder and depression. even with the medication about once a week I want to run my car off a bridge. Even though I have people in my life that love me I am completely unable to love them back. I have no emotional connection to my children or my husband. I am in debt over 250,000. I feel like my life is a landslide being held up by one tiny rock.

My life sucks because,

Life sucks, it sure does.

Every day for the past.... well I cant even remember how long anymore, a long time... every day has been shit.
I quit my full time job as the company I was working for screws over its employees, this is the third time I have been burnt out from this role. No support, no care, nothing.
I come home to a fiance I love endlessley and yet cant trust. He is a compulsive liar, has friends who are trouble makers and liars. Since we got together this has been an issue, and has created plently of problems, especially involving one girl. I know that a relationship is built on trust, but what else do I have.
No social life, no friends, people dont seem to understand me, want to know me or want to be around me.
My parents have numerous mental health problems, seeing them for five mins is like an eternity of anxiety for me.
I went to the Drs to talk to someone about possible bi-polar & anxiety and I was turned away as they were too busy, after waiting an hour and a half to speak to someone.
The only thing that was pulling me through was the hope of going on holiday, which was cancelled as my partner spent the holiday money on a new car for himself.
I dream to pack up and run away, and yet I have no money, motivation, or confidence to do this.
End it all cause I just cant do it anymore.

No one even knows I am alive!

I will start this by saying I am not after sympathy, nor am I after any kind of comfort I just felt like I needed to type my thoughts and this seemed like a nice place for them.

An extremely long story cut massively short, I have no friends and haven’t had any friends for the last 7 years, I don’t have a job.

I have lived with my parents my entire life because I have no way out, all my girl friends and friends betrayed and back stabbed me, infact everyone I have ever met has used me or brought harm upon me.
I can’t make new friends or meet a girl now because no one gives me a chance everyone thinks I’m crazy or insane or some kind of weirdo.

I can’t go out without getting into fights because people think I’m some kind of target coz I have a good looking face and they think I’m gay or something or there jealous assholes, fucks me why I always have to kick there ass before they piss off but that's not the point. Its like everyone is seriously out to get me and it has already destroyed my life to the point of no return.

Infact lots of people think I’m gay because I haven’t had a single relationship that hasn’t ended horribly with a girl and since have not been with any girl. This very thing has made me loose all hope in humanity because I seriously despise homosexuality and for me to be placed in this category angers me. Especially when these girls were so fucking horrible to me, to get oh you must be gay.. wow really go and die. T...

alone

I have only gone out 3 times in a year. Probably 20 the year before. I need to go to the dentist but I have severe anxiety about it. I have no friends, not a SINGLE one, just my mom and my dog. I don't work obviously and my mom's health isn't great. Even if I felt like I could go out, I would never work for anyone else. I have strong feelings about it. I have a lot of fear and tremendous dark thoughts and sadness inside. The SS office wants to see me in person in a month but I have agoraphobia so I can't leave. I feel like I need a miracle to happen in order for me to become the person I am supposed to be, but that seems far-fetched.

i'm sorry if you think this is not really that bad.

I know my problems are not as serious as most of the ones stated here. i just wanted a place where someone would listen to my problem.
I feel depressed everyday, i've been crying for almost every single day.i get paranoid easily, anxiety, sudden panic attacks. i'm always afraid of people out there to get me,i'm afraid of losing everything, basically, just afraid of everything. i've been bullied since i was in pre-school , that developed insecurity.Things don't seem to improve in high school,it has gotten worst.I know and i tried very hard not to annoy or cause trouble to anyone,but the bullying did not stop.boys would often come up to me and ask me to have sex with them. i thought he (my bf)(almost 2-years relationship) was different from the other boys, he KNEW how sensitive i am towards this issue, i was wrong, all he wanted was nude pictures of me,i rejected, he ended the relationship. all along, I've only been that girl who listens to other people's problem, but when i needed someone, nobody was there for me.and when they've settled their problem, to them, i dont exist anymore,I tried talking to a friend, before i could even open my mouth, my friends would respond by saying, "i dont know, i dont care". my 18th birthday just passed recently, my best friend for 8 yrs did not wished me happy birthday, nobody seemed to care, this friend told me that i wasn't in her mind at all. Relatives are constantly comparing me with cousins, physically,academically. I tried so har...

I hate my life!!!

Ok I am a seventeen year old male. I have severe anxiety. I think I get an illness even though I dont get them. It just takes over and makes me feel like shit! I sometimes just want to die because of it. I also become depressed because of it. i just want my anxiety to go away. Please someone out there please help me out of my miserey! PLEASE!!! IM BEGGING YOU!!!

I am tired of living this life

I don't really know how to start this. So, I know people have had some petty messed up stuff happen to them, so I feel bad talking about my miniscule problems but I have to vent to someone. I grew up with an alcoholic father and sometimes alcoholic mother. I have been hit by my father multiple times with belt and with hand. I was almost punched by my dad when he was drunk but I ducked out of the way. I battled with depression for awhile because I didn't have any friends. I also had struggles with OCD but they are under control. I feel like I had separation anxiety and social problems. I want to get therapy but my parents won't let me. My parents always call me bad things and they are never proud of me. I can't do anything right. Nothing was keeping me on thus earth except my dream of becoming a detective, but my parents won't let me he one. they say I have to be a doctor or some high paying career. I don't care about money I just want to help people. I Have slowly developed anger issues as well. I feel like I seriously want to hurt people and I have before, lik my brother. He is the only one I Have left since I feel neglected. I am tearing up as I am writing this but I feel ashamed because my dad says crying is for babies. This is all I have to say.

whats is this about bro.

first of ive know posted a quite a couple of post but this is helping me so im posting each if my problems separate,well my post for today i have social anxiety and i want to know why girls might be doing this i am an african american male tall and skinny and dark.i dont talk proper or anything or very much at all.i chill by myself.this post 4 today is i want to why do the black girls do dis.a girl will pick one girl in a group of their friends an they will tell me that the girl likes me or wanna go with me then as soon as i look at them they reject me know i dont dont tell that fuckin boy that or eewwah someting or one time they tried putting girls againts me and there trying to get away from me.then some some will treat me bad like what you lookin at.its embarreses me badly. i just want yall to answer me about what does this mean and why are they doing it to me.

tired and lonely

For four years i have been alone. My family is great and our financial situation is ok. I know i shouldn't complain in those regards but i still feel alone. I haven't had a friend who liked me for who i really am in years. Every weekend im alone entertaining myself however i can. Im the kid nobody remembers. Ive come to terms with that but i wish i could be someone different. I live in a small town where everybody knows everything about everybody so reaching out is next to impossible. People used to call me awful names and make fun of me every day for years. I just took it because i was small and scared. Since freshman year ive battled depression praying something would change but nothing has. Im not a mean person and i dont hurt anybody else yet everybody seems to take shots at me. I have no idea how to change and college is coming up and im scared to death that the next four years and even the rest of my life will be exactly the same. What really bothers me is the idea that when i die i will have absolutely nothing to be remembered by. Some kids are smart, some athletic, some attractive, and i am none of these. I cant stop thinking that i will be stuck in this situation for the rest of my life.

Why?

For the past 23 years of my young life, I have tried. Tried to be normal, tried to succeed tried to... just function in a world that seemingly will not have me.
As a young child, I suffered abuses, both verbal and physical (my most vivid recollection was of my father beating my head off of a brick chimney wall at six years old for being afraid of the dark; that or the times they followed me around with video cameras screaming at me because I had wet the bed (I would have been maybe 5-6?).
Well, being resilient and a trooper to the end (and not knowing what normality was ta that point) I continued along life's road. Only at the age of nine, to be repeatedly molested by my older cousin. Such, are the evil things in life.
At the age of eleven, my family had moved out into the country, to redo a house (one of my mother's hobbies), and then, lo and behold, it burned down (theorized by investigators as to have been caused by my kid's 'non flammable' chem set). Awesome, right?
Well, the teenage years did not improve, having been home-schooled until ninth grade, I had all the social prowess of a rock. Degrading into a state of constant panic and anxiety; I became crippled in my avoidance of that which I hated, and turned to many suicidal extremes (though it wasn't the first time I had tried to kill myself, I was five the first time). My parents then decided I needed therapy; not from a therapist though, but rather, from them. Their version of therapeutic, was...