| | Posted by Suckme at October 10, 2011 |
I'm twenty years old. I never had no girlfriend. I suffer from somatoform dystonia, obsessive compulsive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and depression. There is no doctor or medicine that would help me. Psychiatrists are baffled. I suffer for their high IQ. Due to illness I have lost almost all my friends. I hate my father. I see no sense in my life. I experience just boredom, suffering and anxiety. I have no emotions, just anxiety. |
| | Posted by Mic at October 10, 2011 |
I can not think of one thing about myself that is normal. I'm so much more mature and abnormal than others in my age group that I have zero friends or acquaintances. I have been bullied for my entire childhood and it has caused me to develop severe social anxiety. I need money for meds and surgery because my dad got laid off and we lost our insurance. The doctors don't even know what's wrong with me. I feel so angry and agitated all the time. When I go to sleep I always hope that I won't wake up, and when I do wake up it makes me angrier. I don't know what is wrong with me. I really really wish I was just as normal as everyone else my age. I really hate living like this. |
| | Posted by Sheeeesh at October 3, 2011 |
My life sucks because I have social anxiety. I am too scared to do anyhing and always feel like im being judged. I constantly worry about what people think of me and what i look like. because of this stupid disorder ive dropped out of highschool, have 2 friends, cannot communicate with anyone i dont know, and stay in my house almost all the time. No one in my town accepts me and everyone i meet thinks im stupid. The only people I interact with are people I've known since i was a kid. My closest friend has moved away and when I'm invited there I always say no because she now lives with a foster family and they all think im retarded. Her foster mom has asked several time swhy im socially retarded and it make me feel even more stupid because this means everyone can see it. My parents are divorced and I don't see my dad as often as id like to. We are living on the poor side of life. My bipolar sister lives with me and she has a three year old son who is always screaming and attacking people. I'm always stressed but i cant leave my house because im scared people will be outside and i have no friends house i can go to. Did i mention i also have terrible acne and sooner or later will become allergic to hair dye (its in genetics) and will be the uglies person anyone has laid eyes on. |
| | Posted by ME at September 26, 2011 |
Ive been a social outcast my whole life. I have friends but they're not really "Friends" because they usually hang out without me. I've had maybe 2 girlfriends in like middle school and one girl that i was in love with that left me scarred. I m the type of kid who walks behind your friends in the hallway while they talk. I resorted to smoking weed but it didn't really make me feel better. I barely have any friends and when i need to talk to someone sometimes i cant think of anyone to talk to. My parents like my sister more then me and think im anti social and i stay home too much. I think i have social anxiety, brought on by the douchebags (and bitchy girls) i go to school with, with most girls failing to notice i exist. My self esteem is nil. I always second guess myself. My parents dont know how depressed i am, i keep it bottled up. I spend most of my time by myself and practically live inside my own brain. Im not a dumb kid though. I have a 4.0 GPA and i usually read books and watch documentaries on subjects that interest me. Ive even tried developing my own theories on things. I feel like i live a false life where i put on a face to everyone saying im fine. But i feel like im dead inside. I just want shit to change, but when i try i cant. I feel like people just judge me when they look at me and give me no chance to be me. Why couldnt i be someone else? |
| | Posted by ratmon19 at September 26, 2011 |
So I'm a male 22 years old, and have been really depress lately. My story is, as a kid I was in special ed classes which ruined my life, my mom ruined my life. I have trouble speaking, which caused me to be odd when approaching people cause I lose confidence causing me too fear people. I tried getting distracted from the real would by playing video games but I just can't do that anymore. Plus I'm gay, so one I started High School I told my mom to take me off from S.E cause I didn't need it, she did. But then what? I had a big fear talking to anyone cause of my whole speech/gay problem. Once I was about 16 I started ditching school to go to the library cause thats how afraid I was of people. When I turned 17 I started working and going to college, but I still was the same person. At 18 I stop going to college cause I couldn't afford it anymore and started working in a fast food restaurant. There again being quiet most of the time, there I meet a guy and which he moved in with my family. My family were my only friends. From there I worked about a year counting different jobs, untill now I'm with my hubby and his family which sucks cause all I do everyday is be on the computer!!! Help!!!! |
| | Posted by anonymous at September 15, 2011 |
I'm a mid-30s programmer. I have a wife I used to love very much. I might still love her, I'm not sure. She's blind, and doesn't work, so naturally I have to be a caretaker. I have a almost 2 year old daughter who I do love very much and would do anything for. She may also go blind...it' a genetic condition, but she sees fine now. We're doing everything we can to prevent it. Time will tell. I have friends. I don't have a hard time getting along with people. I'm doing just fine financially. So why am I posting on a lonely board I happened to google?
Honestly, I'm the complete opposite of many of the posts I just glanced at, but not necessarily in a good way.
I have a lot of what everyone else wants, but I don't appreciate any of it. I am completely going through the motions. I feel no different than the applications I program. I provide for my family. I tell my wife I love her. I hang out with my friends every now and then. I'm trying to raise my daughter to be happy and successful. I just do what I'm supposed to do.
But I don't -want- any of it. I -want- to be alone. I am so overwhelmed with stress. I've moved up the employment chain to get the most money I can, and I try hard to chase my passions, and I try to spend time with my family but there's so little time in the day and I already sleep only 5-6 hours a day at most. I'm always tired, and counter-act it with caffeine (about 500-700 mg a day in various forms). I can'... |
| | Posted by Aj at September 14, 2011 |
Let me give you some background: When I was around 9, I started developing anxiety issues. Around that time, my dad was constantly angry and sometimes abusive, and my parents would argue every night (and still do). One night my dad just lost it and broke my mom's nose. I loved my parents, but after that I hated my dad for doing what he did. My mom kicked him out of the house for a few months. When he got back, my mom discovered that he was an angry drunk and had been hiding odorless booze from her, so she kicked him out again. But once again, it was just temporary. They got back together, but everything has stayed the same. Every night I would sit in bed and cry myself to sleep. Then I gave up on crying when I was 10 and haven't shed a tear since. I'm so disgusting. Relatives got sick and died, and I just sat by and watched. I don't even care anymore. That all was 6 years ago. Now I'm 15, and I am fucking sick of my life. I have no self-confidence, no motivation, and no self esteem. I hate myself. I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'm slow, I have no athletic ability whatsoever. Every fucking day I sit at school while my brain rots and I pretend to be happy. I have a few friends, but every day they seem to not want to be around me, and I am disturbed because I don't want to be around them. I try to make new friends, but nobody wants to be friends with me. I home schooled until I was in 7th grade and went to a weird private school in 7th and 8th, where everyone hated me. The only frie... |
| | Posted by anonymous at September 11, 2011 |
I've had anxiety all my life even as a child. Got bullied really bad from my best friend in gr6-7, still haunts me to this day. Had really bad anxiety in junior high, went on medication, got better but then I got off of it because i thought i was ok(big mistake) then anxiety came back full force so I started smoking pot to fit in and deal with anxiety (really bad idea) Got so paraoid and crazy from it after half a year I went into psychosis and got diagnosed with schizophrenia. Gained 100 pounds from psychiatric medication. Went to collage but too stressful so i dropped out. Ever since I dropped out things have been worse. I now have chronic fatigue syndrome so I cannot lose the 100 pounds I've gained, also have IBS really bad, so out of shape that i can barely walk down the street. Also I've been getting bronchitis almost every year that lasts months. I'm on all of these medications and I was now told that I probably don't have schizophrenia and I can't get off of them because of severe withdrawl symptoms. I havent worked in 6 or more years and i stay at home all day by myself. only have a few close friends but only see them barely once a month. it seems like everyone has everything better than me, they are skinny/pretty, have good health and lots of friends when i have to sit at home crying and suffering and i just want to die. |
| | Posted by Kyle at September 6, 2011 |
Anytime I start a project this or that happens to make sure I never finish. :(
I am so angry at life. I truly believe from certain evidence there is a spiritual conspiracy against me and people who tell me there isn't one is part of the conspiracy as dis information agents to make sure I do not sniff out the truth.
I am not going to give up the truth no matte rhow I get treated. I don't care if the universe kicks out my teeth. murders my parents/burns my house down to make me homeless (At least those things haven't happened).
I firmly believe World War 3 isnot going to be bombs and guns. It's going to be a phycological warfare using outer space weapons to create anxiety so people will create their own hell holes and then swoop in and take people that way.
Why use violence when you can control the mind?
If there was a kind and caring God he certianlly would've done something about this a LONG long time ago. |
| | Posted by TheShadowOfPain at September 4, 2011 |
Greetings I'm a 21 year old male, I have anger issues, suicide thoughts, weak body, ugly teeth and apperance. Life have basicly just sucked, 7 years of getting beaten up back in school both my classmates and some from other classes. I have burn marks and scars all over my body from that time. I put on a fake smile from time to time in order to get by, and I have reached a point where I cannot trust anyone, probably not even myself as I have ADHD and I'm Skitzo as well, I can't look people in the eyes anymore as I am afraid of getting hurt once more. If I could I would fly away, and sure I've been thinking about suicide and even tried, but realized that it doesn't get you anywhere, and that's exactly what everyone else wants.. So no point in doing that, so decided to devote my life into saving animals and hopefully die happily someday doing what I want. |
| | Posted by anonymous at September 4, 2011 |
Hi everyone,
So,i stumbled upon this website,read a few stories and thought maybe someone can relate to my story. I've been through quite a few traumatic issues in my life.I've always told myself that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.I lost my grand mother at 13,i was really close to her and she died suddenly,so it was quite a shock,it was really hard on me but at that time ,i wasn't eating properly.I would have fruit for breakfast,a slice of toast for lunch and lettuce for supper,i don't even understand how i was able to function.I lost 40 pounds going from 140 to 100 pounds.It was a miserable time for me. After i couldn't starve myself anymore,i became bulimic from the age of 14 to 19.
Sometimes i just wanted to die,i felt like failure at life. I've always had friends and a few boyfriends,but the only man i loved abused me emotionally.He didn't give a fuck about me,and i loved him with all my heart.I feel like he's the reason I'm so afraid to fall in love again.
These days,I'm feeling really depressed and i have anxiety attacks probably a couple of times a week.i've seen a psychologist 2 years ago but as much as i was open to her help,i felt like she didn't really understand me.I'm talking to this guy and i know it won't go anywhere,i don't even know why I'm wasting my time.If anyone can relate i would love to hear your stories.xox
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| | Posted by Hell at August 31, 2011 |
My mother always loved my brother, but never showed me much of love. But I know she loves me, somehow she does. My dad was always pointing out how wrong, and dumb, and stupid I was. And he always started screaming with me when I messed something up, or even when I didn't made anything wrong. I was always competing with my bro, but I always lost. Always! He got everything that mattered to me, my mom's love, friends, he was stronger than me, got medals and shit...
In school, I tried being a nice person, and making people to like me. But I failed. I failed from my first class, to this day. People avoided me, made funny of me. But I got some friends. I only managed to get a girlfriend at 16 years old, after being lied by my virtual gf.
Somehow, I know I can turn this game on, I know that all that pain and all that shit was somehow my fault. Not in a bad way, but it was all responses on actions and choices I've made!
I don't want to kill myself, I don't want to die. But I hate a lot of people that I have to see everyday and live with, people that I wanted to love, but I can't.
I really don't know what I want in life, I'm scared to make full blown decisions that I can't turn them back. I'm afraid to see my life passing on my eyes, with me doing nothing but logging on facebook, twitter and living a fake virtual life.
I'm smart, beautiful, strong, passionate about life. But shit, I don't know why everything is so hard, why everythin... |
| | Posted by anonymous at August 27, 2011 |
I am a young, 18 year old studying in college. College has completely opened my mind and my logic; how I interact to others and how I talk to myself (thinking in my head).I have had a few crushes, which have made me go over the top; causing me to have severe depression, anorexia, and extreme physical activity every day. In my strange case of depression, liking someone, just liking someone, gave me feedback and motivation to do extreme cardio exercise everyday (run, bike, swim) and also starve myself to the brink of deteriorating my family ties. This happened in 9th and 10th grade
Now, with my mind opened, things are much clearer and have learned from my mistakes with eating and exercise. I am still very physically active, but very, very alone. I am in a college program, getting my associate's the same time I graduate from high school, 2 years ahead. I have recently texted a girl, and started flirting, but then noticed that I was the only one asking the questions...the texting and socializing has died off now...But in general, all my life, no one seems to understand me. Due to being alone and without someone to relate to, have had oscillations in my depression; periods of where I am fine, but not ecstatically happy, down to thinking of suicide in my mind. Suicide thoughts have made me say to myself in my head, 'will anyone really care about me when I die? Nobody gives a shit, NOBODY FUCKING UNDERSTANDS ME!'I still think that, with my mind being "open", it has shaped my... |
| | Posted by fucking_loser at August 27, 2011 |
21 year old, ugly guy. Short heighted, face looks like a world war battlefield, scarred and full of potholes due to a bad case of acne in the teenage. Never had a girlfriend, no chance of having one in the near future (atleast one who is better looking then me).
I have moderately severe depression, bipolar 2, mild attention deficit disorder, social anxiety, taking cipralex for over a year, over time tolerance develops to the drug and it stops working and i have to increase dose. Soon it will stop working altogether.
Parents in a dysfunctional marriage. Sister has mild mental retardation and personality disorder.
I have been bullied in the past. Hate my life. Will probably remain a virgin till 40, if only i dont go to a hooker before then.
Life is pathetic for the ugly geeks like me. Girls dont give us a second look, we're just an object of ridicule. And looks are something you are born with, and you cant change them. I hate those assholes who have the gift of good looks and enjoy their lives and pass time by making a mockery of people who are ugly.
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| | Posted by anonymous at August 18, 2011 |
i'm a boy of 16, pretty young to say that MY LIFE SUCKS FUCKING HARD
i'm having a decease, i have a phobia of the outside world, never had a gf, never had sexual experience, no hugs or kisses, i'm not the best looking or baddest looking, i think ill die as a virgin, i don't wanna wham some whore/slut
i just jack off everytime i'm alone
due to my decease i can't get a job so no money
i have like 0-1 zero friends, the only thing i do is stuck at my computer chair like glue..
at school i'm a loner, people bully me, think that i'm a weirdo, and i don't belong to anywhere
don't get me wrong i look normall like anyone but i feel that i'm just different
i don't realy have a close bond with family so i can't realy rely on them
i suck at school, suck at everything, i have no talents, life sucks without
having a gf, i fail, you think this is nothing but when you would stand inside my shoes you would understand
the world is hell,
ive done self harm, ive been controlled by people they used me
i smoke swishers overdose it till i can't even stand up and faint
i always stay at home, doing nothing and thinking about it's the same day again
how long with this keep on going?
i have depressions almost everyday, when bed time i can't sleep becouse there is too much going on, i cry like a whimpy kid to sleep, and when i sleep i hope i never wake up becouse in my dreams it's my wonderland where I CAN MAKE THINGS HAPPEN
FUCK! GODDAMNIT!!
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| | Posted by deed at August 16, 2011 |
Beaten,raped, cheated and everything else in between. Life sucks and all that I ever wanted to amount to is forgotten.Pushed to the pitts of hell in my own mind trying to find reason to breathe. even more I live in anxiety to the fact that I will one day have to look back at how my life sucks so bad thinking that it will ever get any better even when it is and because of my deep depression of living and everything associated with improving my garbage life i hope my life always sucks this bad! |
| | Posted by deadguy at August 14, 2011 |
I am 35 and let me tell you young posters here 22 to 25 or younger. . .It does not get better, your life gets progressively worse in many ways after the age of 30. You start to notice the drop in performance, more exhaustion, less drive, more confusion. . . The list goes on and on. Life is not worth living past 30 trust me. I am in the full grip of depression and it can all be summed up to a disappointment in my abilities after turning 30. If I was not a coward I would end my life as quickly as I type this passage. Alas, I am a coward and afraid of dying which is yet another offset of accelerating age. Take it from me, when you turn 27 you know the end of youth and freedom is at a near, by the time you blink you are celebrating your 30th yet there is no true reason to celebrate the decline of your life. I advocate an individuals right to end their own life once the believe the time has come, if I had my way I would have ended my life 5 years ago. So here I sit and think and wait; waiting for the next floor, waiting for when life will slip up and end mine. All I have is time now, how much I will never know. Getting old sucks. |
| | Posted by Roman at August 10, 2011 |
Hello
I am a nobody. I feel like my life has come to an end. You can call me an idiot looking for attention, but I feel like writing this down. I need to tell someone how I feel.
I'm currently studying (third year) and I'm almost to be a policy licentiate (don't know if it's called that way - a guy who analyses and specializes in politics). My further plans are to do a university degree of any available faculty cause in Poland to be a translator all you need is to get a university degree. Of course I'm planning on being an English translator, cause this is the only language I know other than my own. When I'll become a translator then... then what? And here is where everything collapses and kills me mentally.
What am I going to do? My face sucks, my social life sucks - have two friends, no friends of the opposite sex, had gallstones which I had removed along with my gall bladder, that causes diarrhea almost everyday. My eyesight sucks, my spine is distorted, I have strange nipples (maybe because of lack of training) which are baggy-like even though I'm slim.
The main problem is the face, but if you want the details, type in Google 'life sucks big constant pain'.
Even though it's vacations I feel awful. Cause I don't feel like it's vacations. To me everyday day is the same. If it's something like Christmas or Saturday or Sunday or something national, I just simply don't feel the difference. Everyday is like a boring routine. I know it's because I'm... |
| | Posted by techlife at August 5, 2011 |
I am 29 years old and have 3 boys whom are the driving force behind all that I do. I am in a relationship going on ten years which has its ups and downs but is otherwise ok.
The problem I do have is I have a job that pays nothing, tons of debt, no free time to enjoy life and absolutely no friends.
My job is extremly dangerous. I risk my life on a daily basis to bring in a measly income. The problem with it though is that it is a technical job and one that does pay good given the right opportunity. I can't seem to find anything else though. This city I live in may as well be the ass end of the universe. High unemployment, no opportunity. I would move but all my efforts to find employment elsewhere result in zero calls. Its not that i don't have the credentials or experience, I've been working in my field for a few years and have been to college a few times. Which leads to my other problem. Tens of thousands of dollars in debt. Because of it I can't get a mortgage or a car loan. I can't save up any money to move out of social housing projects despite cutting back constantly. I am always selling everything I saved up for just to makE ends meet. I don't know what elsebi can cut back on. Its always a downgrade for me. My luck is shit too I swear every appliance or eletronic device fails on me even though I've owned it for a shirt period of time and I meticulously take care of everything I own. I can't do anything fun with my kids. They never been on a trip. ... |
| | Posted by pothead dave at August 4, 2011 |
i am over thirty years old and am adicted to cocaine an weed. i got layed off from the first good job i ever had ( i cried on that day) and have started a job that my friend from work told me about. i had to use fake piss for a drug test because i cant stop doin drugs. my first day was the most horrifying experience in my life, i got stuck in picky bushes for 5 hours and had to wait for somebody to come find me . i thought i was goin to die.Why wud my friend do this to me? he said that it was the easiest job he ever had. This was worse than the time that clown molested me as a child. Since then, i go into massive panic attacks evry time i see a clown and get extremely nervous wen they are mentioned. Recently i was exited, because o thought o was going to be a father,but it turns out the child wasnt even mine.i stayed with her anyway, because i love her but i made her get an abortion. I suspect that she has cheated on me multible times, beacause the other night when we went to dinner with ma friend and his family, she kept mentioning having other men sleep over our house. if you have any advice it would be deeply appreciated, though i might forget when i get high |
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