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    [Tell Your Story]  "The pit" (fresh stories)

    When trying gets you nowhere

    Posted by dargor at May 24, 2012
    Tags: Attitude   Failure   Health   2012 May

    I'm 20 years old and for the most part had a great childhood. I got straight A's and was known as the smartest kid in school. I was also a talented violinist. That all changed when I was around 14. My parents went through a bitter divorce, after my dad found out my mom cheated. I was tossed back and forth between them, and basically being used as a pawn. I developed severe depression and anxiety disorders, but since the psychiatrists in this area are so incompetent, they never came up with a diagnosis. They just had me committed to a mental hospital 4 times during my adolescence and early adulthood. During one of the stays they forced me to take a controversial drug which caused me permanent nerve damage. Since then I have flunked out of college, been fired from 3 different jobs, and failed at every relationship I've ever had. I moved 300 miles away from home to be with a guy and right after the move, found out he was cheating and only wanted me for sex. No one will hire me, school is so expensive I can't go back, and I can't even enjoy playing the violin anymore because my nerves are so damaged, I can't even hold the bow. I wish I could hold it just steady enough to play myself a sad song... I never ever dreamed my life would turn out this way.


    Comments: 17   Votes:


     

    Ozone

    Posted by anonymous at May 23, 2012
    Tags: Health   2012 May

    I am a 54 year old woman married with two grown up children who take me for granted.
    I can't work as I have a chronic illness. I know I am reasonably well preserved for my age but I feel ugly inside. I know I am an intelligent person but I feel like a worthless nobody. I have few friends. I used to have many friends but I stopped putting in all the effort and they soon dropped off. I am lonely and tired and every day I feel like ending it all
    I have regular cou selling but I think my counsellor has heard it all before from me and doesn't seem to take me seriously when I say how low I feel.
    I am walking a tightrope. Everyday I feel like I toss the coin - not today! Maybe tomorrow. I know how to do it so no one can save me. It's clean and easy.... Just boil up all the tablets in the house and drink it. There's nothing anyone can do.


    Comments: 3   Votes:


     

    miserable and depressed

    Posted by whyme at May 21, 2012
    Tags: Health   2012 May

    My fiance are supposed getting married in February. We want a huge family but I just found out today I am unable to carry child. The doctor told me the only way i would be able to have a child of my own would be through a surrogate. Im totally devasted!!! Im only 27 years old and i always dreamed of having kids. I hate my life! I havent told my fiance yet he will leave. What man wants a barren woman? We couldnt afford to pay for a surrogate even if he would consider it. The child would have no college fund! My mother is no support she keeps saying that it wasnt meant to be..but why me?????


    Comments: 11   Votes:


     

    fuck it

    Posted by anonymous at May 20, 2012
    Tags: Health   2012 May

    I am 48 dying of heart disease and insulin dependent type 2 diabetes. I have never been married and I do not have any children...two things I really wanted out of life. What else is new, I never get what I need or want. In addition to the diseases I suffer with chronic pain in my back and neck every single minute of my miserable existence. On top of that I have carpal tunnel in both wrists, nerve damage in my left hip, diabetic neuropathy in my feet and hands, my left knee is destroyed from football and bicycle crashes and my right ankle is destroyed from auto crashes and football. I take some 17 different meds everyday and a minimum of two insulin shots. I am trying to survive on an 1100.00 a month income from social security disability...that sux! All my physical problems coupled with living in poverty have made me say fuck it! What's the point?! I'll never be able to have children and a woman who loves me as much as I love her. My life is only going to get worse. The pain will never stop...I already have a 100% clogged artery on the back side of my heart that is untreatable...I have a pacemaker/defibrillator in my chest and seven stents in my heart. There is nothing I can do to make my life better...so fuck it! Suicide is looking like a pleasant relief of my miserable existence...seriously


    Comments: 21   Votes:


     

    Still young and already hopeless

    Posted by Dustin at May 18, 2012
    Tags: Health   Job   2012 May   Money

    I'm 26, and still working a shitty entry-level job as a security guard. I did one year of college, under a 'general studies' program, thinking I'd take a bit of everything and find something to interest me, but nothing did... so I left and figured I'd work a job for a year or so, then come back when I figured out my direction. This would keep me from building up more student loans to go absolutely nowhere. I took a job in security that paid pretty well, so I took out a lease on a car and life was sweet. Then the recession hit... I missed a bunch of car payments, and the car got reposessed, I missed so many student loans it went into collections and now the Canadian equivilent of the IRS is on my ass. I'm over $20,000 in debt, but in todays job market I had to take a position that barely pays enough to cover my monthly bills, let alone dig myself out of debt.

    To make matters worse, I'm already afflicted with high blood pressure and a possible heart condition I can't seem to nail down, but I can't even find an ongoing family doctor, which means I have to keep using walk-in clinics that don't even want to do the tests to figure out what's wrong with me, they just want to write a prescription for a blood pressure medication and kick me out the door.

    I also have next to no real friends, no love life to speak of at all, and the only two real friends I DO have work on the oil rigs, so they're only in town one week out of 5, during which time they have to catch ...

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    Comments: 4   Votes:


     

    Do I deserve this?

    Posted by anonymous at May 16, 2012
    Tags: Health   2012 May

    I had a normal child hood until age 9 when I was diagnosed with dyslexia. My mother pulled me out of school to be home schooled. As a result I felt stupid & lost all my friends(I begged to go back to school until the day I graduated). When I was 13 my older brothers friend raped me in my basement while my family slept. I was raped at a camp fire a year later by a boy I was crushing on. I never told anyone about the rapes because I was ashamed & frustrated because I had so much taken away from me. Then in college a close friend (my best friends boyfriend) raped me by force. (My friend blamed me & never talked to me again) Even writing this makes me want to hide away forever. It must be my fault that this happened so many times. I never asked for this abuse but for some reason it happened. HOW CAN I LEARN TO FEEL THIS ISNT MY FAULT? I can't convince myself. Besides the sexual abuse I was in an emotionally abusive relationship from age 16-20. It turned into physical abuse near the end & almost killed me. When I ended the relationship my ex cocked his shot gun & threatened to kill himself. He turned the gun on me. I ran outside & called 911, & after heard a single shot but he didn't shoot himself, just a show for me. After everything, he never had any consequences for what he did. (no one ever got punished for the pain they caused me.) He now beats his new girl friend & I can't help feeling partly responsible for that. Now it has been almost 3 years since the end of the relat...

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    Comments: 6   Votes:


     

    crap luck

    Posted by Paulie54 at May 15, 2012
    Tags: Health   2012 May

    I am 57 and have been dogged by health problems most of my life. up to 38 i had suffered from ulcerative collitis and then had my colon removed. then i developed arthritis and after struggling for yeays with that, i was also told i have fibromyalgia and then sleep apneoa. a couple of years ago i got pain in my penis and that developed into pyronies, bending my penis making sex painful i recently started having other problems and have been told by my doctor i have angina and today after an examination i was informed i have a lump on my testicale.. what else can go wrong....????


    Comments: 6   Votes:


     

    the hits just keep on comin'

    Posted by LM at May 14, 2012
    Tags: Health   2012 May

    As a kid, I was told to shut up so many times, I just quit talking except to say "please pass the gravy". My mother made it very clear from the start she didn't want me around, so I made friends with birds and squirrels climbing trees. Then I got a rare blood disease forcing me to be with her not only for doctor appointments, but also hospitals for all kinds of tests. I missed all of the second grade, and never caught up, so school was hard for me. She continued to belittle me and call me names the whole time I was growing up. When I got appendicitis at age 16, she didn't believe it, and neither did my stepfather. It took almost an hour of pleading, and finally, the surgeon said right before I went under, that I only had 20 more minutes before it would have ruptured. I left "home" when I turned 18, married a man a year later. He was older, and it didn't work out. He cheated on me after 6 months. I do have two good kids-they're grown now. 4 years ago, I was driving my van, and blacked-out behind the wheel. Never happened. Killed my van. At the hospital, the mri showed a BRAIN LESION-an entanglement of blood vessels which was the cause. I've been on meds-which really don't work, because I still have seizures. I go into trance-like walks and you can call my name but I don't reply. Now it's getting worse, because 2 wks. ago I passed out on the sidewalk, and someone called 911. I was put on a stretcher and shoved into their vehicle and taken to another hospit...

    Read Entire Entry >>>

    Comments: 18   Votes:


     

    waste of time

    Posted by aNon 23/f at May 13, 2012
    Tags: Attitude   Health   2012 May

    I could write out everything that's wrong but I've already done that so many times. I'm tired now. It doesn't matter anymore. I have chronic, debilitating health issues on top of being mentally pathetic and emotionally weak. Apparently I have sh*tty character too or else I wouldn't be such a self absorbed train wreck. I'm 23 years old and I live alone on social security because I'm so terrified, disgusted, and confused by the entire world and myself. I rarely leave the house unless I'm going to steal food from the grocery store in attempt to cure my aliments which never works. Everyone I've ever met thinks I'm insane because of a few episodes of expressing my frustrations in less than eloquent ways ...What's worse is I could care less about their judgment because I'm so unimpressed by their perceptions anyways. The reason it's a problem is because I'm all alone. My best friends are animals and I've gained 30 pounds in the past year from becoming sober to hate myself more. People keep dying that enjoy their lives. People that were surrounded by loved ones...I don't understand why their party gets cut short when my misery continues to be stretched out.


    Comments: 7   Votes:


     

    Pain and Numbness

    Posted by sucky suckness at May 13, 2012
    Tags: Health   2012 May

    I used to rather successful and happy and active but I have developed a chronic neuropathpic pain syndrome about 16 months ago. Doctors have run every test on me and they don't know how what is causing it or how to cure it. Sometimes it feels like im being bitten by insects all over my body, sometimes it feels like im being stabbed by needles all over my body, sometimes it feels like hot cinders are landing on me and burning me, sometimes it feels like someone is cutting my skin with a razor, sometimes it feels like electric jolts. It wakes me up in the middle night, it's all I can focus on during the day. It's incredibly painful and exhausting hand has worn me out. Im in constant pain unless I take my medicine. The medicine stops the pain for the most part, but there are side efffects. It makes me feel depressed and suicidal. All I want to day all day is lay in bed and sleep. I don't feel like myself anymore on this medicine. I feel sedated, apathetic about everything and have lost all motivivation. I got laid off about 2 months before this pain sydrome started so I dont have a job, I exist on a very small unemployment income which is running out. I've looked for a job but cant find one. Most the time I dont even try to look anymore. It feels pointless and I feel so sedated on this medication I honestly dont think I could work anyway 40 hours a week. I've completely isolated myself from people because I dont have anything good to say about my life and Im tired of compla...

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    Comments: 16   Votes:


     

    untitled story

    Posted by anonymous at May 12, 2012
    Static LinkTags: Health   2012 May

    I'm 20, F, I've got a disability which affects my mobility. About 3 years ago I was a happy person, comfortable in life, then I went to college and met my boyfriend, he seemed nice until 3 months into the relationship, he got mad for opening a book he was reading and snatched it off me and ripped it up, I wish I left him then but I thought it was a one off, it got worse, 10 months in he hit me but we carried on, my first year of college was nearly over and my mum met this man and soon after she started neglecting my 5 younger siblings so I was looking after them for a bit then she was so bitchy and I couldn't take it and I had to move in with my boyfriend and his parents, He became more abusive I went back home after 3 months and we didn't speak for 10 months, I was happy again but lonely so on his birthday I contacted him we we're happy for 5 months then slowly the abuse started up again and my mum kicked me out and I had no other choice of moving back in with him knowing he would stop me from seeing my friends and family and he doesn't have a job so he's watching me all the time and I always have to go out when he wants to cos he's got some fear of being out on his own and because I use a wheelchair outside I need to be pushed so I never go out on my own, a year ago I couldn't keep up with paying for taxis to college and back so I stopped going to college and since all I do every day is sit in all day waiting for him to wake up in the afternoon and just sit their while he plays on his ps3 everyday, I wanted to go back to college but he said no that i'm stupid and it would be a waste of time cos i'm useless. So everyday i'm sitting in doing nothing wanting to burst in to tears but if I do he shouts and hits me and tells me i'm crying for nothing so I ache to cry and find it hard to keep it in. I wish I knew a better way to live. My life sucks.


    Comments: 9   Votes:


     

    4 babies gone....When will this end

    Posted by anonymous at May 11, 2012
    Tags: Health   2012 May

    Hello, a couple of years ago, back in 2000, I got pregnant with my first child. Things was going really well through the pregnancy until I start going into premature labor. At 5 months pregnant, I lost my baby girl. I then waited a least a year or so and got pregnant again, second baby. I carried this one until 4 months and miscarriage again, I had an doctor's appt that morning for an ultrasound. At the doctor, they found no heart rate or movement, thats when I discovered that my baby was dead, had been for 2 days at least. Devastated and depressed, I waited again to get pregnant, I then got pregnant with third baby, in 2005, after I lost my second one in 2003, two years later. With baby number 3, this time we use caution, I then learned that I had a incompetent cervix which I can't carry babies to term. So I had to have some kind of cervical net put in place to hold the cervix together. With that done, It held out until I got at least 6 months, somehow, the baby ended up coming through it and I had yet again suffered preterm labor and lost another baby, a boy, which by the way the other 2 was also boys. Well 3 more years pasted since, and in 2009, here I go again, pregnant. The same technique was used with baby number 4, as used with baby 3. Went 4 months, went into labor, had the baby at home while on the toilet, another lost, A girl. After so many lost, pain and sufferings. I completely gave up on having kids and got my tude tide. I fell in deep deep depression, thoughts of suicide, and felt like I was less than a woman because I couldnt carry any babies. My whole world was in complete shatters. I don't want to adopt, I always want my own baby, now that's not going to happen. Today in my life, I feel a little better, and still feel that I could of being the best mother. If I had a choice to get pregnant again, my choice would be, I can't go through that pain again.


    Comments: 12   Votes:


     

    Where Did it go wrong

    Posted by anonymous at May 3, 2012
    Tags: Health   2012 May

    Since I was little I feel like there has always been something wrong with me. at 8months old I was diagnosed with severe asthma, I spent about 6 years of my childhood in and out of hospitals, I still remember the worst asthma attacks and how I almost died quite a few times. I was the kid everyone picked on in school because I was so fragile and wouldn't fight back.
    Finally after years of medication and treatment I fought it but it was then where life really started getting hard. After my dad left when I was 5 and my sister was 12, my mom struggled to make ends meet. We lived in a very bad neighborhood. Through out my adolescent years all the way to the end of high school I was the one that everyone picked on. I was always the skinniest weakest kid in class. When I say skinny I mean paper thin, even girls weighed more than me. I've had one girlfriend and I think the only reason she was with me was because I was super nice and a pushover to compensate for my lack of good looks, let's face it, what girl would want to be with a guy who looks more like a skeleton than a person? after that relationship failed I became extremely depressed and suicidal and went on medication.
    after high school I went to university but that didn't last long, not only was I already hating myself for being so weak and picked on my whole life but I was also not very smart at all. Since I dropped out of university I have been jumping from one job to the next either because I was too weak to perform the duties or not smart enough to understand what I was doing. Today at the age of 31 I stand at 6'1" 120lbs, no job, no girlfriend, no money, still living with parents and heading down that road of severe depression. The only thing that's keeping me alive today is my family w/o them my life would've ended years ago


    Comments: 5   Votes:


     

    Ps

    Posted by anonymous at May 2, 2012
    Tags: Health   2012 May   Money

    I am a 37 year old mother of 2 dying alone from lupus. I am married to an evil man. My entire family deserted me when I was diagnosed with lupus 2 years ago. My mom, sister, dad and even cousins aunts and uncles called me a liar. They all said that because I looked fine I must be suffering from munchausens syndrome. My own mother said to me that the only illness I suffered from was mental.she said I should stop crying about having lupus and the pain I'm in cause the children of st. Jude have it worse. I should look into their tiny faces and tell them my problems. My own mom even said I should learn that everyone dies. Wow. I hurt everyday from the abandonment. If that wasnt bad enough, then my husbands family turned on me. Same thing, because lupus is invisible, no one believed me. I am on chemo that I can't afford at $12,000.00 per month. I can not get anyone to throw me a fundraiser to help with the cost. Not even my husband. Without some financial help I will have to quit chemo next month as the hospital says no more without payment on the $30,000.00 I owe so far. The lupus will attack my organs and kill me without chemo. I am sick and in pain everyday. Lupus is a horrific disease. My husband and kids could care less about me. Nothing at home has changed. I still do all the chores myself. No one calls or comes by. The only time I leave the house is to go to the many doctor appointments and hospital visits I have, alone. I am so depressed and just wish the lupus would hurry and kill me quickly.


    Comments: 6   Votes:


     

    I smell like pussy, i hate my life...

    Posted by anonymous at May 2, 2012
    Tags: Health   2012 May

    When I go around people, they ask, did I bathe today and I'd say yes I did. I have an unusual body odor that I can't seem to smell but everybody else can. I do take showers so I don't understand why should I smell so bad. I can't get next to anyone without them making funny comment about me. Some say I smell like burnt rubber, some say a wet dog, and a lot of them say pussy, more like after sex smell. Believe me I tried everything, but they all failed. I can't get a girlfriend because of this, and I did have a girlfriend but she couldn't handle me putting my arms around her because of smelly ARM pits. Why me.


    Comments: 13   Votes:


     

    betrayed

    Posted by anonymous at April 25, 2012
    Tags: 2012 April   Family   Health

    I was betrayed before I was born. but who cares. God shunned me and destined me to be alone for life, and put me in this body that isn't even me. Then I was born and was just given away. Unwanted. Adopted. They diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder, but I am pretty sure I have good reason to believe I am a burden to my family. And maybe i should have expected that after all of this, my mom would eventually snap, and that our family would fall apart. But the sad thing is i never expected it to happen in my recovery. To make things worse I was born with bad eyes. All my childhood was surgeries and getting scalpels shoved into the back of my eye sockets. My mom couldn't have children. But apparently when she adopted me, her miracle happened and she had my sister. I grew up with everyone ignoring me, because i was the misfit child with fucked up eyes. Everyone always talked about how great my sister was. I grew up knowing I didn't belong. Terrified my family would someday betray me. I grew up thinking I was physically and mentally retarded. Because I was too young to understand what was wrong with me to always be in hospitals. I died many times, but they kept bringing me back. I guess god wants me to suffer. Then when I was 13 I was diagnosed with skin cancer and they cut my nose off. That seriously didn't make things better because they ruined my face. From there I developed anorexia nervosa. Then my parent's betrayed me yet again and sent me to live all my teen...

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    Comments: 20   Votes:


     

    my life so far

    Posted by Joseangel Hernandez Garcia at April 23, 2012
    Tags: 2012 April   Health

    Hi im 20 years old i've pretty much had a normal childhood, and guess till 15 everything was normal till i discovered i can never get an erection and well i knew i had one testicle, still not sure why ive had 10 surgeries total since i was born for reasons that are still unknown to me even though i've asked for my records. when i was a kid i was very interested in sports but coud'nt join because of my surgeries, i was going for wresting and soccer also coudn't join the military. and up till later when in my teens i tried having sex with girls and she laughed and she stilled made the attempt to try and it was a complete failure all around and a horrible expierenced for me. Besides that i failed college i couldnt keep up due to financial reasons. well that pretty much me i wonder what future hold for me i know kids and marraige is out of the question and my only family is my mother once she gone im alone i have other family members that i probally see once every three years and adoption is out of the question, i don't want to ruin some kids life, and if i get to 50 years old im considering death by any way possible i don't want to be that old guy that gets alzheimer and people have to take care of him and treat him like a baby. but this is it im gonna try to succeed in life even though im doing framing right now which is pretty much building houses but life not over for me yet im gonna try something only because that what my mother would want of me she the reason i exist and the only reason i had a shot at going to college and nothing would make her proud than seeing me graduate im not gonna stop because i feel my life far from over even though it sucks its not over till its over.


    Comments: 2   Votes:


     

    Sometimes I want to say FUCK YOU!

    Posted by anonymous at April 23, 2012
    Tags: 2012 April   Health

    I have dyslexia and a little short term memory loss but I never give up...i never have and I don't ever want to.
    everyone thinks I'm stupid but that's not true ...in fact I'm smarter than most of my ignorant family. i'm not saying i'm super smart or something i'm just saying that I try because I want to do something with my life. Despite how hard school is for me sometimes, I still go...what the fuck is their excuse! No matter how hard I try it's never enough. Why?
    they have never cared about me and never will. They only care about my lazy ass older sister! The stupid bitch doesn't do anything because she says she'll be a writer...everyone who reads them say they are no good. She's not bad at it, I guess, it's just stupid to copy twilight or whaterver and call it original. every book sounds the same. I love her she is ,after all, my sister and I don't want to see her life wasted. it's just that sometimes she pisses me off! To her all I am is a stupid little sister but she doesn't know how to clean her own ass without me.

    even my cousin thinks I'm stupid...UGH! Stupid stuck up jerk.
    I don't understand them and I don't understand why I am treated like this
    Sometimes I want to give up...it makes me want to yell!

    whatever i'm done bitching
    Thanks for reading. I apologize for the unorganized mess and it would be great if you could give me some advise...or a funny comment
    That would help tons


    Comments: 14   Votes:


     

    being different does,nt make you unique

    Posted by emodave at April 22, 2012
    Tags: 2012 April   Health

    god i hate life so much theres not a day when i wish i could wake up dead life have brought me nothing but misery what makes life suck so is the fact that i was born the different and i dont mean that in a unique way i was born a with a cleft lip and a learning disability i was bron a freak when i look in the mirror all i see is a monster growing up i never had a happy childhood it,s been nothing but struggles i,ve spend my whole school years with loneliness being bullied not just in school but out in the streets spending half my childhood locked in my room with the lights off afraid and ashame even now as an adult nothing have change when i still look in the mirror all i see is a monster i hate what iam i hate god so much for making me this way it seems like life is always gonna be this way i will never get a break the worst part about is i have goals but it seems like my dreams will never come true no matter how hard i try there,s just no reason to try anymore i was never ment to have dreams and everyday my hatred for life and god keeps growing and growing but is the hatred that i hold inside of me that makes me stronger not my faith in god and no matter how hard i try to be happy the pain can never be healed i whould never know what is like to experience true happiness i whould never know what is like to have a dream come true and i whould never know what is like to know love all i know is hatred and thanks to the world i dont put my faith and trust in no one especially god so fuck all of you see ya


    Comments: 5   Votes:


     

    Just another story.... A long one at that.

    Posted by Bap at April 22, 2012
    Tags: Anxiety   2012 April   Health   Juvenile problems

    I don't usually do things like this, but today has been a bad day.

    I know there are people out there who have harder/worse lives than me.
    Do I care? At this point in my life no, no I don't. I used to.

    Here it goes I guess.
    I tried to kill myself when I was 15. I still want to die, I think about it daily. I'm 26 and my life is just shit.

    I suffer from panic/anxiety, depression, poly-cystic ovaries, type 2 diabetes and a few other things. I'm overweight - tried dieting, just doesn't work for me. I'll lose 20 lbs and gain 40 back. I disgust myself. I'm not an ugly girl but I'm not drop dead gorgeous - guess plain Jane-ish. I have no self confidence.

    I've been seeing a therapist,shit doesn't help. Been on and off of meds they don't do anything for me except zombify me.

    I'm stuck living with/caring for my mother, sister, and nephew (he suffers from mild autism) I don't know what the deal is, it's like everyone here is helpless and can't do shit for themselves.
    It's hard. Most of the time I have the patience to deal with him. But over the last 2-3 months its been harder. I've been getting irritated/angrier at/with him faster. And that makes me feel so horrible. I know he's only 4 and he can't help being the way he is.

    He was extremely agitated tonight. If any of you know anyone with autism you may know how they can get when they're like that.
    And tonight I just blew up. I have this fan in my room and every time he comes in he just will not leave the fan alone. I ask him to stop and he won't so tonight he was over there cramming stuff inside it and I lost it. I just jumped up grabbed the fan and bashed the shit out of it on my dresser. *sigh* I....
    So I cried and cut myself and ended up here.

    I have no one to talk to. I have one friend,and she only uses me.

    So this is how life sucks for me, atm.


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