LIFE SUCKS : 2012 February

what makes me mad.

I'm 19 years old who lives with his friends casue his mother kicked him out over a female. A kid with no moeny and no clothes. My crackhead dad just left me again but this is what makes me mad as fuck. Is when I come to this webstite and I'm reading nothing but some bitch shit. You don't know how it feel to really grow up about yourself everytime you break and you have to pick yourself back up with no type of help. I don't even know if I'm doing this shit right but I have enoough balls and heart to just stand the fuck up and walk forward. I learned that this world and everyone in it is a big waste of fucking time. No such thing as a true person anymore. Everyone is just out here for themselves. I see nothing wrong with that but still... the people who read this thinking that reading my suck ass life with make your day alitle bit better. Well this is for you. Your a waste. how about to stop bitching and make something out of your life or just hang yourself. This world has enough dumb asses.

Artificial Happiness.

Into this twisted months, I plunge without a reason to carry on or a light to follow. But at this point, I swear I'd follow anything. I just need out of here. I fell for a life with a purpose, and at this point, I really don't have any purpose. Nothing in this life has any meaning. I can't find any, or make any. I am dead inside.
And so now I drink. I drink to kill selected memories. I drink for artificial happiness.
I give myself three days to feel better, or I swear I'll drive right off some fucking cliff. If only I knew where one was.
If I can't make myself feel better.. how can I expect anyone else to give a shit?
I'm SCREAMING for some sunlight, or a car to take me anywhere. Just away from this dead and eternal..snow...
I'm dying slowly, but it is happening.
I just need someone to lie to me and tell me that it will be alright. But I know that won't ever happen to my socially retarded ass. Just tell me that'll it be alright.

Life Is Going Straight Downhill

SO.
I always had so much fun in high school. I was "popular" I guess. By that I mean I had a lot of friends in every single social clique. Everyone knew who I was. Dance team, student council, Peers and Leadership program called PALS, class officer, voted onto the homecoming court, voted best smile. Everyone knew that I was always happy and fun.
Now that I've graduated and about to turn 19 Life has hit. A HUGE HUGE metal bat hit to the face pretty much. I can't seem to figure out what to do in life, as in what to go to school for. If I do pick something I need to apply to the program which only accepts about 12 people, so there's probably not a chance of me getting in.
I feel so trapped. There's no way I will be completely out from under my parents wings in any amount of time. In my eyes it will take years before I'm done with school and living on my own.
The ONLY positive in my life is my boyfriend, whom I have been with forever. BUT it's been off and on. He always breaks up with me like every few months, he claims he won't this time, but we'll see.
I just feel stuck, like every 10 steps forward I'm taking 20 back. and DEFINITELY the 5040857 steps I thought I was taking forward throughout grade school I doubled that in taking steps backwards socially and academically.
Life is hard.
Sometimes I just think how the hell does God expect us to do all this.
Even if anyone does go to college for 4+ years, it's getting harder and harder every year for grads to get jobs. I just don't see how I WONT end up in a box on the side of the street..

Just waiting.

I'm a failure at life, I can never stick with anything I start. I have no vision for my future or life and I just want to drift through life. All I can ever do is wish for time to go by faster. Throughout the day, I just wait for 10 minutes to pass, and then for the day to pass, and before I know it, I'm just waiting for the year to pass. At this rate, I just feel like I'm just waiting for my entire life to pass by just so that I can die as uneventfully as I've lived.
I can't finish anything, I don't want to start anything, I hate working, I hate having to do anything. I have no friends and I just basically have nothing in life except for overexpectant parents. It just feels like everyone wants something from me that I just can never give them but to tell them that to their faces would cause too much drama so I just lie and agree to whatever they say and if I can be bothered, I will do it and if not then I just keep stalling and lying. I hate myself to the very core and I've tried so many times to change myself but after 5 months, I go back to being my true self. I am a piece of shit.

Aren\'t you glad you aren\'t me?

OK. I was a wife and mother. l always put my children and my husband first. I had a career but my husband had me give it up to homeschool our kids. He started beating me and convinced me that it was my fault i was being beaten. My son agreed with him and started to abuse me as well. My daughter turned out OK and is now in college. My son graduated from college. All the money I had saved from when I was working went to making sure my son and my daughter could go to college. But after I got out of the marriage and got a restraining order, my husband held my mother prisoner and abused her. I rescued her but stepped into a hornets nest and got the D.A.'s girlfriend fired, so he had the charges dropped against my husband, who had stolen all my mom's money and abused her so badly that I eventually she was died of a cold because I couldn't get her condition to improve more. Then I had to beg for funds for her funeral.

My husband of 33 years is rich and making a fortune but the judge wouldn't let me have attorneys fees and so, without an attorney, I couldn't get support IN CALIFORNIA. My husband cut my health insurance while I was in the cardiac intensive care unit being told I might need open heart surgery to live and I left the hospital uninsured and a popper. I finally got Medical as I got on SSI. Because my husband paid into Social Security, he will be eligible for it but I'm not because I didn't pay in enough quarters on my own and can't get Medicare. ...

Yeah it sucks

I am 22 have two young kids. I love my husband but we fight all the time to the point that if it continues it will really screw my kids up. He's in America on a visa overstay from 8 years ago. We are just now able to file for his green card because I didnt make enough money to sponsor hm in the past. There is a chance he may not be approved because of dumb things I did during a separation period we went through in 2010. If he can't become a citizen he will move back to brazil and expects me to follow which I won't because he wants to move to a dangerous city and I just don't want to spend my life in brazil. I am constantly in anxiety over whether he will be approved. We are losing our car because of an insurance issue because of his status here. We have paid over 4000 on the car and the only way o fix the problem is to put the car in my name which we can't because I have shit credit because of dumb choices I made the first couple of months after turning 18. We barely pay our bills and love in a wicked cheap place. We will have to move soon and can't afford it. We pay all of our bills never have time to spend as a family I am basically a single mom that's married when it comes to taking care of the kids I literally see my husband 45 mins per day except Saturdays which is spent doing chores like going to the laundromat. We fight so much that I am depressed he is mentally abusive but I believe he can change even though the strength of that belief is severely dwindling. I want my kids to have a father in their life for him to become a citizen he has to get his green card, have it for two years then be a permanent resident for two years whilst married to me. That means I am suck in this same situation for at least four years. I want our marriage to improve but it seems hopeless I love my kids but fear I cannot provide for them the way that they deserve. Ugh my life suckkks

Big time

I'm 26 years old and have three kids with my fiance of 8 years. My fiance has stolen every (3) friends of mine. The two guys she fucked and the girl she used to lie to me and cover up sleeping with the second male friend that she fucked. Its been 2 years and I can't get over the betrayal and all of the lying. I can't trust her no matter how much I try. Everyone I've ever let into my life has screwed me over royally. And she has hurt me worse than anyone else. Yet I continue to give her my all. I cannot bring myself to have friends and have built walls that are insurmountable. On top of that painful history, she does not do housework. There are never clean clothes or dishes. She is constantly washing what she needs as she needs it. I give her all of what she wants and I get a poor effort in return after eating so much shit. And if I leave her, I leave my three young boys that need me everyday. I fear that if she leaves, my kids will not do as well under just her care and whomever she is shacking up with at that particular time. So I'm stuck like chuck

Drug Abuse

I never used to be like this. I started it out as a happy 13 year old boy, drug free and happy, but now I'm drug abusing loser.

It started in the 8th grade summer, when I was taking medication for my acne problems. Little did I know that a major side effect of the problem was depression. I became suicidal, and what made it worse was I could only talk to a girl that kept breaking my heart, not even waiting to kiss another boy as she told me she loved me. I was also hurt by the fact my mom had left the house for a while after a fight with my father. My friends had even moved on, ignoring me whenever I wanted advice for my depression. They thought I was being a bitch. I guess I was.

During that summer I met some new friends on the high school football team. They were all talking about how they were all going through phases, and how they all felt good about high school. Being still depressed, I could only talk about problems and issues I had. It wasn't until the last mint of summer until someone on the team recommended I should try smoking pot.

I didn't believe him, as I felt I was a clean and responsible individual, but I was soon convinced that maybe it would help relieve my stress. So one day in the hot summer day, I tried smoking with that kid. Boy did my life change. One puff made me realize what I was missing out on, and little did I realize how good life got.

Freshman year started, and I felt my old friends didn't like me anymore, s...

Things feel like a hopeless mess

I am 25 years old, female, and completely weighed down. I work two jobs, sometimes 60+ hours a week and I feel like I am starting to loose my composure. I am so tired not just physically but emotionally as well. I don't really have an outlet for my stress and I never have a chance to really enjoy myself. I had a very tough week followed by a horrible day at my second job. I had a patient call and when I tried to give them assistance, they turned around and made sexiest and inappropriate comments when all I tried to do was help them. I feel like people are very cruel especially in the customer service industry. I work incredibly hard to provide people with the best attention and courtesy possible, but after dealing with the degenerate I delt with today my demeanor was crushed. I broke down while still at work. I could not stop the tears from running down my face. I felt so embarrassed and humiliated and now I am in fear that I will loose my job if I recieve a complaint. It is so stressful when you feel as though no matter what you do another person has the ability to make you appear wrong. Overall, I just don't know how much more I can handle. Sometimes my hands shake and I feel like my body is wearing down. I am not sure if I just need a break or an entire change. I support myself. I am unmarried and have no children so you would think that I have nothing to truly worry about. The truth is I worry all the time. My sleep patterns have changed and I am at m...

To young to be this old

I'm 18 but I feel like I'm 80. I've missed out on most of my child hood. I wake up every morning alone sober and completely sore every one of my joints hurt my muscles come and go in waves of pain. My chest hurts as though I'm being stepped on by an elephant I can't sleep and can't seem to stay awake at the same time.
I wonder if things would be better if I were dead. I get the short end of every thing in life I'm an 18 year old man who's got an easy 30 years of life stuffed under his belt. I go to school I work and still get absolutely no respect from anybody around me. My mother bitchs away the few women that I've been able to get to go out with me so I'm the only one in my family that doesn't get laid. I'm always alone and always swimming against the current I contemplate suicide but I couldn't put my mother thru that kind of suffering she's already sick and in constant pain from all her diseases I couldnt put her thru that nomatter how much I hate living.
So I wake up every day go to school then to work then come home listen to my mother bitch about this that and the other put up with her horny boyfriends bullshit and go to sleep then repeat allover again the next day.
I just need someone that I can call on when I'm on the edge. Someone real that I could trust to be there for me I don't want to wake up tomorrow.
I need a true friend.

what would you do?

i was injured. sustained broken bones and a permanent head injury. Lawsuit was mentioned and my 'circle' turned on me. i have no reliable family members or friends. i live alone. i have no transportation. i cannot ride a bus because of my injuries. while i was rehabilitating the man i lived with berated me, cheated, lied and verbally and emotionally abused me. i almost took my own life. i am so alone. my body and my brain are different, and not for the better. i literally have no one to talk to. why? why did i survive? what is the point?

Tired

All suffering is relative, and we can only pretend to fully understand the plights or joys of our peers, but hears my story nonetheless. I'm 22 years old, and for the majority of the past 10 years I've felt numb about my own existence. I learned through experiences during my childhood that no matter how hard I tried, or how optimistic I was about being excepted socially, I just couldn't safe myself from what seemed to be my fate. As a youth I was constantly teased, shunned and picked on by my classmates for the first 16 or so years of my life. Because of this I quickly developed a very negative and introverted personality as a defense mechanism, a means of protecting myself from the constant volley. I gave up on dreams and aspirations, and can safely say that everything I've done over the past 6 years has been to please other people: going to and graduating college, my job, my fake sense of contentment I wear in public, all for other people, and for I awhile now I've been okay with it. Going through college I didn't make any friends, and so had plenty of time to dive into my head and try to find a solution or at least a reason for why? Why can't I be happy? Why can't I make friends, Why can't I find someone to help carry the this weight with me? After long nights thinking of these and may other problems, I decided to forgo them and just settled on being content to be miserable. This apple chart was over turned about a month ago when I was introduced to a girl named Ashley...

Where do I go from here

I am 25, will be 26 in may...
As a high school student i was smart, A+ student...
went to university and thats where it all went down hill... started off as a med student... by my second semester i hated it, switched faculties... then i started missing classes for no reason, figured i cud still pass my exams, but i didnt... spent 4 years at university and still didnt have my degree and was asked to withdraw for a year, but i met a girl while "studying" and we got married... spent a year doin odd jobs then she divorced me, till i got a fairly good paying job at the power company... now two years down the road... i was told that in April my 3 year contract will be terminated.
With no other job prospects in sight, i have rent to pay, school loans to pay for a degree i never got, and a girlfriend that is cheating on me...
where do i go? who do i turn to for help?
Cant turn to God, because i really dont believe in that...
My thoughts right now are centered on suicide, just ending it all...
since finding out i will be unemployed come May, and nothing but a high school diploma no job will pay enough to cover all my expenses...
I've made mistakes in my life, alot of mistakes... so many regrets...
Just wish i could go back and undo them... probably shouldnt have quit medicine, or skipped classes, or partied as much as i did...
i'm gonna be 26 soon, and all my friends are employed, and moving forward... but here i am stuck and no idea what i'm gonna do...
easiest thing to do... hang myself... not like anyone wud really miss me... i've no family... a girlfriend that wont leave me cuz she feels guilty but she really wants too... got a couple friends... but then they dont really answer my calls or return them...
Just here all alone, in this dark hole...
should probably just go hang myself...

Nothing!

I am 31 and for one why my life sucks,is as I was growing up My mother an extreme alcoholic used to lie to the courts about how she treated me,how she still treats me,even though I dont currently live with her!for food,I had literally,eat scraps of food I could find.people would make fun of me,often told me to go kill myself,she would never allow me to shower,and when i got that luxury,it was only about 30 sec. she sent me away to programs because she didnt want to take care of someone who was trash,and who would end up selling drugs,which btw I did anyways.every guy who I have been with,wanted nothing to do with me,one of them slamming me head into a pole!my nose was bleeding so much,what did my mom do?she put my head into a sink and held it underwater!any friends i do have was from bieng promiscuous on the streets,I never had a real child hood!My dad left and when i wanted to go with him,my mom refused to let me,cause she wanted to get the $ that would come in monthly from the government!she would lie about how smart I was just to make everyone feel like I was mentally unstable!she made me feel guilty about living,she would also tell the police that I was a chronic liar everytime I came home at night with bruises!she would have other kids on the block treat me like dirt,lower than dirt by pushing,shoving,spitting,kicking,punching etc.and she would laugh!everytime I found happiness or little success,she would destroy in front of me in a blink of an eye!and sometimes I wonder why she didnt abort me,a perfectly normal young girl and young woman?idk,Im sure others have it worse,but thats why my life sucks!

society is cruel

im a good and kind person but im rejected by society because im so differant. im ugly and slightly chubby and i really like scary and weird stuff but am ridiculed for it. im 20 years old and still a virgin because of my unfortunate looks and girls who like the stuff i like dont even want me. girls are always going out with these stuck up guys who treat them terrible but they dont like nice guys like me. only the good looking people are the most succesful ones in this cruel society that says everyone has to be perfect but i have this creepy but positive feeling that when the last days on earth come it doesnt matter any more because everyone will be equel because nothing matters any more. i know alot of people are going to give me some fucking bullshit about being single and not getting laid when they comment but i have had worse by the popular kids in school. i know my grammer and spelling sucks but i never paid attention in school do to my deppresion and anxiety. im only good at history, science and creative writing. so i hope the people on the comments who tell me im a loser and should kill myself change there attitudes and try to become a better person and just be nice to people but thats there problem.

Anxiety and Stress

I'm Chris. In 2010 I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder/Parvasive Developmental Disorder. I've got three best friends every day at school im in grade 8 they make me happy. :). I'm sure as of November 2011 that I have anxiety. It is definitely not as bad as it was last year. It only seemed to have started as winter came in. I never feel this depressed in summer. I'm anxious about Carbon Monoxide in school and this term it gradually affected my marks. I run a minecraft server that causes me a tiny bit more of responsibility needs etc. But here's my past life.....

I never had a father, he left. My mother dated 2 men who were not nice to her. They got into fights and it seemed endless! Up to 2008, everything became more happier for me. I'm very religious and I'm always afraid of going to hell.
Here's another little story that caused me stress.

Me and my friends applied to a high school. We had to do an entrance test. Unfortunately I failed it and was not accepted. My two other best friends were accepted and I wish with all my heart that all four of us could go. In the same position as me, my friend Mohammed. He was not accepted but yet he seemed to be the most academically successful. I cried for 2 hours about this. I learned the news of my non-acceptance at 11:30AM and I had to leave school because I was too sick to function properly after everything that happened to me. I waited so long for those results! I'm getting worried about 2012 end of the world theories etc. Now I have a wonderful life everything cleared up now but just a few obstacles in the way which will be overcame soon.

I know there are many other people with other problems but I feel upset as well. Sometimes I read other's life stories here. Please feel free to comment below.
-chris (and that's my story) but there's more which would take a while to write. Maybe ill write later.

Fuck Life

So,
Ive been raped and beaten in fostercare
moved in with my mom again, she beat the fuck out of my sister and I.
Went to a mental institution, suicidal, cutting, ED.

PTSD out the ass. Flash backs that put me into panic attacks regularly.

You people say your lives suck when you dont get a damn Ipod. Go choke on your own stupdity and walk a mile in anothers shoes.

Depression kills

I cant believe how much i want to die i am getting help but this is scary i cant take anything anymore
I got so frustrated i tried choking myself but i know i dont want to die
I just want this pain to stop to have something go my way for once
Not to hate my life so much i cant take it, nothing no stressnot at all
It all pits me over the edge wtf is wrong with me why cant i be happy
Why cant i be normal. I know the doctor says i dont have enough of
The chemical in my body to deal with stress that i ised it all up
I sooo tired of it all..... Everything you name it our house is a piece of crap
All we could afford cause of out debt my job is insanly stupid, i should
Be lucky right to have a house and a job welll try to live in this shit hole falling apart
Cant fix crap no money house and a job that sucks the life right out off u
That everyone is leaving and everyone that hasnt left is looking or waiting to retire
I have no friend or family near by my husband doesnt get it
I hate feeling like this all the time i cant take it!!!!!! I think i need more
Help but then i would lose my crappy job and have no money to
Pay for this shitty life. I cant have anything nice it brskes with each move we
Have moved to six different states during this ression d/t my husbands job losses, i fiannly said no
More to working in nursing homes omg sooo done with that but guess what this place is
Although i dont work in the nursing home i feel the extreamly low moral
The piss poor management i dont know what leason god has for me in all this but
I am FAILING!!!!

Need a Reason to live

I'm 38 divorced once and remarried but separated. I have three kids that all have some sort of emotional disability that I know is all my fault. I have no job, no friends, and two sisters that talk to me but nothing to in depth. Today is such a bad day. Today is the day my "Bumpa" passed away who was my only father figure and it also would have been my fathers birthday if he was still alive. But it is better that he is not around anyways because when he was alive he did terrible things to me and other family members. I just can't do anything right. I have many health problems but no one wants to hear about all that. I sometimes get child support and I have applied for disability but was denied and now waiting to get a hearing which can take until ??????? I used to blame everyone else for my problems but I know that I AM THE ONLY PROBLEM. I am such an advocate against suicide. But when it comes to me I can not see any other way to fix things. I don't believe anyone. No one follows through with what they say their going to do. Anyone looking at me would never guess that I feel this way. I sit alone day after day and night after night hoping I die in my sleep. I can't do it anymore. Not looking for pity just venting. Tired of crying, trying and breathing.

i had everything pretty much

i havnt had the worst background but it wasnt great...
my mum was abused by every single boyfriend she choose, she was pushed down stairs which broke her finger and put on the floor and been kicked hard and there was nothing she could do about it, she suffered bad from, she became really skinny, suffered bad with asma, didnt eat anthing and didnt know what to do with her life, me and my brother were the only things she had to live for.
i was always scared that she was going to give up, she'd talk about my god mother and how much trust she had in them people.
her first marriage was my dad he was okay, but had abit of an anger problem, he didnt hit her he just pushed her and then he left, and her second husband started the bad luck off.
he was living in a car before he was with my mum, the only reason he married hger was to own a pub that would only let a married couple own, me and my brother were ignored for two years, there was no time for us at all, we were aloud to do what we wanted, i'd stay out at my friends all the time when i was ten...
anyway now is okay for her, she is engaged to a nice man, i dont know if i can let myself out to trust him fully because of her past, but they have been together for two years now and she has been the happiest i have ever seen her.
but then i started being rebelious after meeting first love at the start of year nine, he smoked weed and his mum was not all there in the head and had breast cancer, she was the on...