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    [Tell Your Story]  "The pit" (fresh stories)

    why me?

    Posted by anonymous at October 1, 2011
    Tags: Childhood   Drugs   Family   Money   2011 October

    Life has sucked right from he beginning. My mother is a junkie and let my grandparents take over so they were legally our (me and my sister) guardians without even putting up a fight. She chose drugs over us abandoned us and moved to another country, which to be fair was abit of a relief since i was the oe looking after me and my little sister from the age of 5. I got bullied my whole life because i had no confidence. I had glasses spots and braces all throughout school. My grandparents found my little sisters dad and she moved over there, i was glad for her but at the same time she was the person i was closest to and i felt abandoned yet again. My grandparents were very strict with me (i'm half asian, says it all). They made me change school and go to a catholic school so as you can imagine it was pretty fucking awesome being the only "coloured" person there and gave them more reason for bullying. I Literally had no friends, my gran was always working or at the bingo and my granda was not someone you sat in a room and chatted with, i had no-one. The older i got the more strict they became. When i eventually made a friend I was not allowed to go out or to theit house which cause tension in the friendship because she seen it as my fault and couldn't understand. I then had a group of friends as i got a bit older (15/16) i was still nt allowed out with them. When we all turned 18 and they were experiencing new things like drinking, going out, boyfriends, you know normal s...

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    Comments: 16   Votes:


     

    Wasted days

    Posted by anonymous at September 20, 2011
    Tags: Drugs   Justice   2011 September

    When I was in the third or fouth grade in Waco,tx the school srink took me to his little room and undreesed me and fondeled me, I was ashamed and didn't tell a soul soon after it got worse do I need to say more,I found my self looking at other boys,but liked girls so i was in this world with thoughts of sex with the same sex but didnt want to live like this so i had sex with other boys and it grew into a closet thing. Had many flings with men then felt ashamed.Got married young had kids but wasnt happy,spent my youth high on pot then cocaine. Was in four relationships (with women) all the while having thoughts of being gay and having sex with men, I'm in a relationship now but the last relationship was the one one I thought would last forever.IT went bad after ten years we got mixed up on speed,coke then crack we moved anouther girl in with us and I got them both pregnet the drugs got worse and they both had babies she soon moved out and left someone called cps and they took my baby girl,then my women got picked up sent to jail for a rock and I moved in with the other girl we smoked crack till we were broke and thats when I stole some from a dealer when he came to collet we fought and i hit him with a pipe and knocked off his ear the cops came and I went to jail while in jail they came to me with papers to sighn my baby away to a couple I had no choice so i did and spent a year in jail.got out and every thing is gone broke and on the streets for two years smokeing crack having wierd sex with men and women for dope, I really think the time in school set me up to fail


    Comments: 1   Votes:


     

    Can't find any answers nor anyone who can answer anything real

    Posted by anonymous at September 6, 2011
    Tags: Attitude   Drugs   Loneliness   2011 September

    I am 19 soon 20 years old live in Norway, I'm about to move in to an apartment with 3 girls whom I have been friends with since I was 7 years old. I have a job, friends and family. Basicly I have everything one could want and I live in a rich contry etc... A mere two years ago, I was optimistic, enthusiastic, loved soccer and floorball. It was something I was great at, I have always been very athletic. When I think back I was so very energic and enthusiastic!

    One year ago I moved to Oslo and started living by myself/working. I started smoking weed every now and then. When i either were in a sad mood or in a great mood and with friends just chillin'. Now I'm about to move back to my hometown after 1 year.

    I feel alone and that no one understands me, can't find anyone who are on the same page as me (so to speak). I spend a lot of time thinking about the world we live in, the people that "run" it. And in my head it all looks very bad and dark. I know I could change my attitude and just ignore how bad things are. There are a LOT of good things too, but by living that way I feel like an ignorant tool. I see most people as ignorant even if I want to or not. Even my parents, 2 older brothers, sister and friends.

    I write this in hope for some input from someone else than my own dark thoguhts or so called "ignorant" family/friends. (In my eyes they are ignorant or live in an ignorant way)


    Comments: 6   Votes:


     

    I'm horrible

    Posted by anonymous at August 29, 2011
    Tags: Addictions   Alcohol   2011 August   Drugs   Family

    I hate myself. My self esteem is medium but I simply just hate me. My parents are strict abusive Russian Orthodox but I live in Washington state. I'm moved to America when I was 10, I'm 14 and I'm an alcoholic and crackhead, and so are my parents. I have unlimited access to alcohol, money, and I always spend it on crack or meth, and my parents always have Everclear or vodka at the homes. I make my family cry and don't know why. I have only love 1 girl in the world, emotionally, and realized she was a manipulative and bad. She has a long history of sex/physical abuse, drug abuse and crime in her life and I loved her dearly but when she tell me her stories I realize that all people are scum including her and myself. Nobody cares about anyone in this world and all are secretly backstabbers and bad. I've lost 45 kilograms from the meth and my teachers see it and threaten me to tell rehab. I get in fights with people and I got stabbed last week. I will never have a wife or girl because I don't trust peoples. My principal says I'm so smart for any college but too lazy to do homework and my grades are bad and I will not graduate school. I don't know how life will be after this. I am horrible.


    Comments: 8   Votes:


     

    my lifes a joke

    Posted by pothead dave at August 4, 2011
    Tags: Addictions   Anxiety   2011 August   Drugs

    i am over thirty years old and am adicted to cocaine an weed. i got layed off from the first good job i ever had ( i cried on that day) and have started a job that my friend from work told me about. i had to use fake piss for a drug test because i cant stop doin drugs. my first day was the most horrifying experience in my life, i got stuck in picky bushes for 5 hours and had to wait for somebody to come find me . i thought i was goin to die.Why wud my friend do this to me? he said that it was the easiest job he ever had. This was worse than the time that clown molested me as a child. Since then, i go into massive panic attacks evry time i see a clown and get extremely nervous wen they are mentioned. Recently i was exited, because o thought o was going to be a father,but it turns out the child wasnt even mine.i stayed with her anyway, because i love her but i made her get an abortion. I suspect that she has cheated on me multible times, beacause the other night when we went to dinner with ma friend and his family, she kept mentioning having other men sleep over our house. if you have any advice it would be deeply appreciated, though i might forget when i get high


    Comments: 6   Votes:


     

    fuck this

    Posted by over it at July 30, 2011
    Tags: Addictions   Anxiety   Drugs   2011 July

    Well what can I say, I'm 19, I've abused drugs since I was 14 mainly weed, alcohol, mdma, meth and few others here and there. I recently quit and am trying to live sober but it's hard cause when i stopped i started suffering from anxiety and depression. I have few friends but the ones i do have don't give a fuck cause there still crack heads.
    I've completely fucked my body and mind, I don't want to be like this forever, but i don't think ill ever recover. The doctors want me on meds but I don't want to pile more cocktails of drugs in my body.
    Soldier on I guess..


    Comments: 30   Votes:


     

    Bad Acid Trip

    Posted by Rodri at July 23, 2011
    Tags: Drugs   2011 July

    I had no complains of my life until 31 of december of 2004, when I had a very bad acid (LSD) trip in wich I felt like everyone was looking weird on me and everything felt like a living hell.

    When I came back from the trip everything changed for me... My perception was different. Everything looked dark, hopeless and my personality changed radically, like if I didnt know who I was before.

    Its been six years now and everything stills the same. I went for a little while to a psychologist and a psychiatrist but nothing worked.

    I lost a lot of friendships because im not the same person anymore. Im extremely shy and antisocial (something I wasnt before).

    I have obsessive thoughts all day, everyday. I think about killing my self everyday.

    I still fuction like normal person.. I work, study, have some friends, etc. but nothing seems to mather. DAMNED MY LIFE SUCKS.


    Comments: 2   Votes:


     

    drugs. friends. life.

    Posted by jaded and 18 at July 21, 2011
    Tags: Drugs   Friendship   2011 July   Relationship

    Well my boss asked me to get him shrooms. Fucked up right? And so once I thought I had a trusty creaked he is totally flaking on me. I told my boss I already had them...well now I don't and I promised them tomorrow. And now he's gonna fire me basically. And my best friend of like 10 years has started lying to me about wanting to hang out. And my mom died a few months ago. And I'm fucking my ex boyfriend...bad move. And my sister is pretty much crazy.


    Comments: 3   Votes:


     

    Hard Life

    Posted by anonymous at July 20, 2011
    Tags: Addictions   Drugs   2011 July   Money

    when i was 18 i started shooting heroin. at 19 i slowed my addiction to painkillers, and met a girl 27 who i fell in love with and moved in together with. i worked sporadically and in 05 katrina destroyed our hometown and everything we ever knew. we lived out in the sticks 4 a while and eventually found our way back home, shortly thereafter breaking up. it ripped a hole in my heart & i started shooting dope again. then i wound up in jail a few years, got out and got back with her, because i love her. a few years went by with me on suboxone to mantain my addiction, all was well, & in 2010 we had a baby boy who is my everything, my love. 4 months later she went nuts, screamed & argued with me everyday till she moved out (with my kid) i started fucking up & a few days later went back to jail for another 6 months. got out in Dec.2010 with no money, no car, no job, no apartment, no baby, no babys momma, no hope, no help. i lived on the streets of new orleans for a few months, stealing to survive, shooting dope cause i stopped giving a fuck, and 3 months ago got back on a suboxone clinic, got a job, moved in with some friends n got my shit somewhat together. then guess what 2 months ago i get laid off. i spend my days trying to hustle change to afford my meds(habit), My son and his mom were the only family ive ever had, theyre gone now she moved 2 hours away, i have no way to get to her and the bitch refuses to answer the phone. ive applied at every fuckin place in the town i live in and there are no fuckin jobs. im so broke i dont even eat somedays. im 27 now, my son is one and a half, i havent even seen him in 7 months, and it hurts so bad im thinking about killing myself. i have no hope, if God's listening i guess he just doesnt care.


    Comments: 32   Votes:


     

    living in hell

    Posted by anonymous at July 16, 2011
    Tags: Drugs   2011 July   Justice   Money

    heroin addicted ripped out my moms hands given to strangers who never had time to deal with my problems so they druged me up and i was raised by grandma found beautiful girl fell in love she turned out to be a slut and fucked everybody in the whole class i was in at school even the teacher. sent away by narcisistic adoptive family to boarding school with psycologists who gave me more diagnosisis and more drugs got back, grandma couldnt remember me alzhimers. missed first year and a half of my nephews life grandma dies, find biological family, grandpa pillar of that family dies my biological mom dies i get drunk check out cleark refuses to sell because im intoxicated so i steal beer loss prevention assults me punches me in the back of the head i move my head so i dont get punched and security punches the pavement and scrapes his nuckle i get assult charge. almost off probation depressed day want to smoke weed cant so i get drunk catch another bogus assult charge go to jail 3 months fuck up probation get probation violation go to jail 6 months grandma dies and leaves house hoarder status brother ransacks house for anything worth anything and sells like a tweaker bails on cleaning and leaves this place to be cleaned by my sister who has 2 kids and is being evicted and me who is fucked by girlfriends brother on our morgage money so we had to move out and rent the place and our renters fucked us and we havent seen a penny and im currently homeless grandmas house has to be demolished because of black mold girlfriend loves to bitch at me


    Comments: 25   Votes:


     

    Stuck

    Posted by anonymous at June 1, 2011
    Tags: Drugs   Job   2011 May   Philosophical   Relationship

    There are people in the world who have no water, no food. There are people in violent countries that have watched their entire families killed in front of them. Some are missing limbs that make them have to rely on others. In America alone, within the past month, thousands of people were killed by natural disasters and watched everything they had taken away from them. I am not one of those people. I have a home that is basically intact. I have a secure job, I guess (my attitude about is is getting so bad it may not be secure for long). I dont have a husband or children, and I really am missing the husband thing, but I hear that's not what it is cracked up to be. At any rate, my mom and dad are still alive and they, my brother and sister all love me very much. I have a dog who thinks the world revolves around me and a cat that acts very independednt but would be lost without me. I am mad at myself basically because I don't appreciate shit. I have tried seeking mental health but I don't know what that is going to do because they just want to put me on drugs that are more lethal than the illegal ones I am trying to quit.

    Today, once again, I decided I would quit smoking pot. I have been smoking pot daily since I was nineteen- started before that but that was when I was on my own and at liberty to toke evry day. I have been smoking pot because it is the only thing that makes me numb to my lonliness. As a matter of fact, as long as I am under the influen...

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    Comments: 14   Votes:


     

    my life suck becuse of durgs

    Posted by scott at May 29, 2011
    Tags: Drugs   2011 May

    my life sucks becuse of durgs i lost my job becuse of it now i have no job becuse there nothing i can do to stop. i of tried to quit just cant do it. this week i got a 1/2 oz of weed then buy food for this week now i got nothing to eat .now i thinking of silling my xbox360 for some cash but if i do i will just buy more weed. all i think of is my next jount my next fix. to many years smokeing this i just cant quit.


    my life is a mess got no girl no job no money no nothing...
    my life is going down the durn fast and there nothing i can do about it

    i need to quit now but cant


    Comments: 20   Votes:


     

    can anything get worst?

    Posted by living dead at May 26, 2011
    Tags: Abuse   Drugs   Family   2011 May

    when I was in grade 6 or 7 my step brother (who is 4 or 5 years older then me) would come into my room almost every night and just do really horrible things to me. I would hit him and hurt him, but I was to afraid to scream because I thought I would get in trouble or something.... i donno? all I can say was I was 2 afraid to sleep at night because the computer room was on the other side of the wall by my bed. and everytime he'd leave the room I'd act like i was asleep under the blankets.... a few times he had kicked my younger brother out ofhis room in the day time if no one was home. But my younger brother was only 3 or 4 so he didnt realize y I didnt want him to leave.....
    That all stopped eventualy but I can not forgive my stepbrother still and I can not talk to him.
    In grade 9 me and my brothers were all taken away because my step mom and my dad were heavy crack addicts. (once I walked in to find dad unconscious and my step mom asleep in the car ) and I didnt see my brothers for a while until the 2 of them came back from rehab .

    So Grade 10 I started smoking weed.... one day dad was snooping around my room and finds my weed and smokes. He comes out Freaking out at me So I flipped out right back at him. and left the next morning I am on plane to live with mom...

    Were i moved to was a Very small community with only 500 people there. So drugs and drinking became my "thing". I only smoked weed 24 7 and did a couple of pills. not many. But anyway...

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    Comments: 9   Votes:


     

    yea rite

    Posted by kweenb at May 18, 2011
    Tags: Drugs   Family   2011 May

    fucked from the start my mom and dad were haroin addicts and i was the only child they had togather I was born sddictedto haroin and downer pills and alcohol was born twelve weeks early when i was born in 1961 they lacked technology and experance i was born with no heart beat but they brought me back but when they went to tell my mother she was gone there was a blood trial leading out of the hospital. but thats just the begining its been going down hill since then the doctors said i would never be normal did not see my mom until i was 13 and then she left and a week later she died i found out I had half bros and sisters i never knew i had we never got close I was molested from the age of 6 to 12 by my uncle i became a drug addict and had kids and did not know who thair fathers were i sm now 50 and have nothing and no family left except my kids my mom didnt even want me nor did her family o boy life sucks the fucked up part is i feel like a mistake something that sliped through the cracks


    Comments: 1   Votes:


     

    purely to vent.

    Posted by anonymous at May 10, 2011
    Tags: Drugs   Family   Friendship   2011 May   Money   Relationship

    Ok, this is my story.

    Im 20 years of age spent the last 2 years heavily smoking miss Mary Jane.
    Dont fuckin get me wrong Mary Jane was the best bitch to walk into my life (so far)i will emphasize later .

    Now, lets talk Love.
    Sure i had a girl before, but this is how the shit went down. We dated for 3 years everything was fuckin sweet at this point i was happy more then ever. FUCKIN BOOM!!she cheated on me at a mates party and to make it just that little bit more fuckin fucked she keeps it a secret. even my mates who were at the party never told me. a few months go on and rumors are spread. obviously being the caring boyfriend i am blindly rejects all notions that she did anything. i eventually found TRUE leaked info from anonymous. I call her up and ask. she replies on the fone "its true" 'beep beep beep' i fuckin hang the fuckin fone up never to talk to the bitch that broke my heart ever again. [its funny how girls wanna be fuckin friends after they rip ya heart out]

    Now, lets talk Money.
    I got a job at subway (i know right?) after graduating senior school. the money wasnt the greatest but i had to start fuckin somewhere. i saved enough money to further my Education at tafe. but thanks to the bitch in the last paragraph i fell into a deep depression that caused me to quit my shitty job at fuckin subway and spent the well earnt money saved for tafe on high quality mother fuckin Mary Jane. [ive grown up in a poor family all my lif...

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    Comments: 17   Votes:


     

    It's all crap

    Posted by SuperDork at May 5, 2011
    Tags: Drugs   Loneliness   2011 May   Relationship

    Just a rant...

    I won't bore you with the finer details of how my life sucked as a teenager. Suffice it to say that I was a loner, had no confidence. Mom sent me to a private school to keep me away from the druggies, and that's where I met a druggie who introduced me to weed. I became a pothead for two years and just zoned out of life, even ran away from home twice. I had no concept of life after high school...or perhaps I was afraid of it. I was lousy with women and they basically ignored me, which was definitely the source of my problem. I didn't get laid until I was 24 years old. The three girlfriends I managed to get in my life either had certified mental issues or just no self-confidence. I managed to get by, but pined for the "right one" for years. It wasn't until I broke up with the 3rd one that I said Fuck It. The longing for love just isn't worth it. Remember, at least half of marriages end in divorce, and many of the remainder aren't happy marriages. Now I just live alone and don't give a crap about getting married or dating, etc. My advice if you are pining for someone to make your life better: forget about it. It's all bullshit in the end. We are born alone and we die alone, and when you are dead, you won't remember a damn thing. Face the facts and just make the best of it.


    Comments: 10   Votes:


     

    questions....

    Posted by daring2defy at April 29, 2011
    Tags: 2011 April   Drugs   Money   Sexuality

    Stumbling across this site has led me to believe that I need to vent. Not just to post how I feel, but for myself to have some better understanding of whats going on inside my head.

    Don't get me wrong, my childhood was fine. Sure my father wasn't there most of the time, but he needed to support the family, and I can't blame him for who I've become.

    I'm a 22 year old guy who has just dropped out of college for the second time. I'm gay.....but i've never told anyone, and I have no honest plans to. I'm in financial trouble because I fear everything that involves stepping up to the plate and solving my problems.....and I just want to know why.

    I'm a smart guy, gifted really....but what does that matter when your mind won't let you succeed. I was a single semester away from graduating my diploma program, and just stopped going. I never quit.....I just never went back. Time and time again they would call me, looking for answers, to know some idea of what was going on, and I just wouldn't answer the phone. Dealing with problems isn't really what I do best. Because I didn't do this, every day I continue to get billed for a private school in which i'm not attending......and to this day its still an issue I haven't settled.

    I consistently lie about my life, I guess I can throw that one down to being gay. Even though i'm sure through time my parents and friends would accept me, i can't accept it myself. I've never loved a man before, and...

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    Comments: 16   Votes:


     

    yep

    Posted by Zach at April 18, 2011
    Tags: 2011 April   Childhood   Drugs   Family   Philosophical   School

    I was born addicted to crack. Was sexually molested and constantly told how I was worthless. I wasted my parents money and was quite often beat. I have always been socially awkward and it has / will never change. I moved around a lot and every single school I went too I was constantly harassed by the "cool" kids / jocks. I ate dirt daily was swirlied etc all the good stuff. Ya laugh it up and fuck you too. I have never fit in with anyone not even the "weird" kids because I couldn't hold a conversation without people just staring at me blankly at the first thing i said. I found drugs andd often did them alone. I couldn't talk to anyone all I could do was stare at the ground silently. Just hoping, hoping one day I might fit in somewhere. There was always crazy thoughts racing through my head. 90% of the time about ways to kill myself. My mom was constantly beaten and would take it out on me physically. One day my step dad decided to take it out on me instead leaving me a bloody mess. Oh and I forgot to mention I never had the chance to meat my crack addicted father. Not that it matters. So I lived on the streets for a while, just alone, cold nights were the worste. I am 18 now and on depression medication which is bullshit because it does not work. I often burst into tears for no apparent reason and have manic freak outs. Everything is pointless. This whole message of useless rambling is idiotic but who fucking cares. Atleast maybe some people will understand. I know there ...

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    Comments: 15   Votes:


     

    40 an no friends

    Posted by Loser at April 16, 2011
    Tags: Alcohol   2011 April   Crime   Drugs

    i did some bad things growing up.hung with losers,drug addicts an alcoholics(i am all these things too).could see my name in the paper at least 3x a yr. from 18-22.if i got caught for all the law breaking,id still be in the slam.


    Comments: 8   Votes:


     

    what the hell is wrong with me?

    Posted by Tyler at April 7, 2011
    Tags: 2011 April   Drugs   Relationship

    I do not have a bad life persay, I'm just sad almost all of the time. Sometimes I can pinpoint a reason, othertimes I can't. Just bedriddenly depressed for no reason. I wouldn't call myself a drug addict, but I will do whatever I can get my hands on. This has cost me a lot of time and freedom and yet I still use regularly. I mean without it, my life is almost unbareable. I was with this one girl, named MacKenzie for a long time, she was my everything, and I know how pittiful it is when your general happiness and well-being is dependant on another person...but that's honestly what it is. One night I was piss drunk and sent a flirty (not suggestive, just flirty) text to her friend. She left me the week after that. I've cried almost every day since then, it's been a few months. I still see her everyday, we are in the same theatre troop. Everyday I have to hide myself away, and be so reclusive just because I know if her and I were to have a conversation I would break down into tears (it's happened like 4 times)
    Every day I wake up with nothing but the memory of what I used to have. I used to wake up every morning with a smile, either I would send her a text wishing her a goodmorning, or she would send me one (depending on who woke up first) now I wake up dreading the day I have ahead, a day with no job, few friends, a drug habit with no money to support it, and above all I am so alone. I've never felt more alone and distant as I have in the past few months, but I've felt alone and distant for most of my life.
    I've tried to kill myself twice, the first time I pussed out the second time I've failed. I am a dissapointment to myself and everyone around me.
    I don't know why I can't get over Kenzie, I've tried so hard not to think about her, but I can't get away, I can't stop missing her. I've had girlfriends and casual hookups since then, but even with these other girls...I still need her.
    Pathetic right?


    Comments: 2   Votes:


     

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